Children of divorced parents, how badly did the divorce affect you?

Question

Would you advise parents to stick it out for the children?

Answer 1

My aunt and uncle got a divorce and my cousins have had serious problems. My one cousin (female) has a terrible time trusting men. She can't forgive her father for the way he acted and is still upset that they couldn't work things out. They all had academic problems because they were distracted at home. They all felt it was their fault the divorce was happening despite years of my aunt telling them that wasn't true. They felt like they should have been able to keep their parents together but they couldn't. Now that they are all grown up, one of the cousins (male) is following in his parents' footsteps. He doesn't realize it but he has gotten many of his ideas about marriage and life from his parents.

Answer 2

Divorce affects all involved. The affect it has on the children is usually determined by how the divorced parents and other family members act. It is the responsibility of the parents going through the divorce to act as humane and cordial as possible. I know that is sometimes very difficult especially if things have become very bitter between the divorcing duo but children do remember and may harbor resentment. I am remarried and my divorce was very pleasant and because of this my ex-husband and I share a wonderful relationship with each other and our four-year-old son. We were better friends than lovers, we should have just stayed that way. My husband's fate however is not so rosey. His first marriage, resulting in divorce was quite bitter and nasty. Our daughters do remember and I think this is the reason they have such a strong, wonderful and loving relationship with their father. They never saw their father as the source of bitterness or anger but loving and adoring of them throughout. The most important thing is to always comfort the children. No matter how you as an adult feel make sure the children know and truly understand that despite the dynamic of their family changing, the love you have for them will never change. And lastly always state the positive, two birthdays, two family trips and the like. I don't know any child that is not excited about double fun. I pray this helps!!

Answer 3

It depends on what is going on. Like suggested above, nearly all marriages go through rough times, so first decide whether you can work it out (with time). If it is beyond that (or if there is abuse involved), I have always thought it is better done sooner than later (divorce that is). I am a child of divorced parents who seperated for over a year before they gave it another shot, then decided to divorce. Was it hard on me? Absolutely! It still is now in my 20's. But it was so much better than if they had stayed together & been unhappy. They have both moved on & have happier lives, and therefore, my life is better too.

I hope everything works out for you! Good luck!

Answer 4

My parents divorced and so did my husband's, and it took us the first 10 years of our marriage to figure out how it's SUPPOSED to work. Yeah, it affected us pretty badly.

I still have issues about not feeling welcome, feeling like I have to be perfect for everybody to like me, feeling like I NEED people to like me, fear of criticism... I'm 33 and my parents divorced when I was 6, I feel like I've about half-way healed so by the time I'm 60 I should be over it.

I would only advise parents to stick it out if there is no abuse and both parents are committed to making things work. Otherwise, the children may never recover from the marriage when it would only take 54 years to recover from the divorce.

Best case scenario: figure out what you need out of a relationship before getting married, and make sure your marriage is stable and strong before getting pregnant. Otherwise, EVERYBODY suffers one way or the other.

Answer 5

i would say that divorce probably effects children more than the parents. just think about it, their parents are practically their world, and are being torn apart. it's really hard, and i was fourteen! if sticking it out means fighting all the time and everyone being miserable, then no! it also depends on the age of the kids. i'm not exactly sure how, but it does! i would think that young kids (under age of 6) could take it better and would have time to recover. i guess it also depends on the kids.

Answer 6

if you have kids you should work it out always remember people can change. find why you got married in the first place,then find out what went wrong and try to fix it you both have too for the kids. my parents got divorced when i was a kid and it sucked going to one parent to another. now my wife is divorcing me we are separated and have two kids9 and 7.and its hard on them,i hurt my wife a couple if times but i changed i never got over me being abused, but now i have. remember sickness and heath death do us apart etc. i don't believe in divorces its just away people run away from there problems. people do change sometimes you just need a Little push don't ever give up

Answer 7

My parents did not divorce, but I am a school teacher and I can tell you that divorce does serious damage to the child, to their self-esteem and to their school work.

Unless there is abuse involved (physical, mental or emotional) I would recommend sticking it out for the kids. Remember fighting all the time can be abusive to the children.

If you are still friends but just drifted apart, then you can make it work. All marriages go through a rough patch or two or three. You can make it work, and your children will thank you for it.

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Answer 8

My parents hated each other, never slept in the same room after I was born, and fought non stop. But they stayed together for me and my brother until I was 13 and he was 14. That was way too long. I wish they would have divorced sooner because them fighting is what effected me greatly, not the divorce. The divorce was a relief.

Answer 9

My parents are going through divorce right now and its hell. I'm a Sophmore in High school and the mental strain and soo hard. I never knew it would be this bad. I'm glad my mother is doing it though, Its better for all of us in my eyes. I guess, it really depends what situation your in. My father was adsive every way possible..So...

Answer 10

No i would never advise people to stick it out for the sake of the kids.. My parents got divorced, and they needed to -- later, i was divorced, and i needed to get one, as well....

Why live life in misery? When parents are miserable and stressed out, kids know it and are just as uncomfortable.