for Wives Only!!! Need advice?

Question

Okay here is the deal....

been together with my wife since high school... we are now both 40 and we have 3 wonderful children.

My wife is EXTREMELY unhappy. She is a stay at home mother and she feels like she gets no appreciation. Which by the way is all 4 of us fault. She is flat out miserable.

What can I do (and the kids) to make her feel appreciated? What can I do to help her be happier??

what I am looking for is REAL WORLD advice of things I can do! I cannot control how she feels. I can control what I do.

Answer 1

Do little things, like thank her, buy her roses occasionally, do the dishes for her, wash the laundry occasionally or wake her up with breakfast in bed, or send her out to the spa to get spoiled or something., Sometimes it is the little things that mean the most. I feel unappreciated too at times, and it is important for my bf and kids to show me that they do appreciate me

Answer 2

You need to encourage her to have something of her own that does not involve you or the children. She needs time, consistently to re-discover who she is. All of us mothers get a little lost in motherhood so understand that this is totally normal and you'll probably be much happier if you do this. You and the kids need to pick up a little slack at the house. Shake up the routine a little. Teach the kids how to cook a meal while she's out. Do nice things for her to help her feel appreciated. Do the unexpected. Make time for just the two of you without kids. Most of all, listen to her. Most women just want to feel like someone knows them and is interested in what they have to say. Send her away with her girlfriends for a long weekend while you keep up with the house and kids. She'll love you for it. You should also look into doing something together. My husband and I play music in a band together, we research a topic that we have mutual interest in. We also started caving in our 30's. We take off, leave the kids with grandma and camp all alone and go get muddy crawling through a cave. It's wonderful (for us) and I've found that doing something a little more extreme really helps you re-learn who your spouse is. You have to communicate and trust each other. Relaxing around a campfire together is wonderful too. We've had many amazing conversations that way. Talk to your wife. Get her to tell you exactly what she needs and then give her the space to get it. You can't make her happy but you can surely be there to encourage her happiness. Let her blossom again and you'll rediscover the amazing woman you married. Good luck :)

Answer 3

Being a stay at home mom is very difficult and unappreciated job. I too had bouts of unhappiness and it was aweful. The biggest things for me was when my husband helped out around the house or would just flat out clean and do laundry. He would send me off to the store or spa and while I was gone he would go through and clean the whole house, it was awesome.

Also, I got involved in the local PTA, made new friends, took a cake decorating class, and actually got a part time job during school hours (3 hours a day). Didn't make much money, but it was mine to keep (no bills paid with it) and spend it on whatever I wanted!

All you have to do is think of things that will make her smile a little, or ease her burden. Good luck and I hope things turn out well!

Answer 4

Has she ever worked outside the home, is she did, she needs to go back, if not, she needs to find some kind of part time job outside the home something that will make her feel good about herself, I speak from experience, I have worked forever, until I got hurt on the job, and am now out have been for 4 years, and I know what it feels like to feel like I get no appreciation, I do plan on trying to find something as soon as I get able to work again, there really is nothing you can do, this is something she has to do for herself, other than tell her how much you love her, give her a hug when you walk past her, and really talk to her, I know it helps me when the old man does that, just don't give up on her, she needs you now more than ever, being unhappy is no fun. Also could she maybe need some medical attention, its nothing to be ashamed of, we all need help at some time. Good luck and I hope it turns out ok for you

Answer 5

You & the kids need to pitch in more--take on dinner once a week while she plays computer games, takes a hot bath or reads (in PEACE).

Take her OUT for a night on the town at lerast twice a month--get all dressed up & go dancing or something. She probably feels like a non-person, and needs some attention! Re-affirm her of her worth to ALL of you, and I think she will take an upturn.

Maybe she should get a part-time evening job a couple nights a week, just so she can interact with other adults.

Answer 6

You definitely need to help take some of the load off of her. Every evening, try to do something to help. One night do a load of laundry, another night do the dishes, etc. Or, if the kids are old enough, start assigning them chores if they don't have them. Tell her you love her as much as you can, call her while you're at work, bring home chocolates and flowers occasionally. If you are in a financial position to do it, maybe she wants to go to college and pursue a career she's always dreamed of, or maybe she wants to use a degree she already has and work a little. She may be feeling a bit "useless". Talk to her...just say, "hey, you seem unhappy...what can we do to help?"

Answer 7

I agree with the first person who answered. Definitely have a Saturday or something where you and the kids split up the housework and 'spoil' her that way. Have the kids do something for her that she really enjoys, too. Or maybe you can get a babysitter and have a kid-free night. Take her out on the town and make her feel beautiful.
She might want to see someone, though, because feeling underappreciated doesn't usually make you flat-out miserable. It could just be the impetus (sp?) for depression. Good luck!

Answer 8

Compliment her. Her appearance, her cooking, whatever. Also, you all should help her out, even little things mean a lot. Load the dishwasher, take out the trash. As a couple, set time aside for date nites. Wine and dine her, just the two of you. I am sure she feels that she sacrifices a lot for all of you, so pamper her a bit. Get her a day at the spa, buy her a cute outfit that she would never buy herself, rub her feet or back. Make her feel wanted and sexy. Tell the kids to thank her for things she does for them, have them tell her what a great mom she is. Good Luck!!!

Answer 9

Being a stay at home mom, I do understand how she feels. She could also be depressed. Just tell her how much you love her and show her by helping out when you can around the house (seeing as you work outside the home..) You both probably need a mini get away. Things will be okay.

Answer 10

once a month get someone to watch the kids and take her away for the weekend. Pamper her.

get into marriage counseling so she has an avenue to vent frustrations.

Get the kids to help out around the house more - discipline them more yourself when they disrespect her.

Take over a chore you know she loathes doing - regardless if you are tired from work or not.

Her sadness can very well have turned into clinical depression if it has been left untreated for so long, the marriage counselor can determine if she may need anti-depressants for a while to get her chemical balance back on track.

Leave her notes in fun places, the shower, the fridge, the washer, in a pan you know she uses a lot...letting her know you love her.

to name a few...