Pleae correct my English?

Question

The following is the title of the photo I am going to show in our bulletin. Could you correc it to make better English. Thanks

AAA Boys' Choir performed a joint concert with Hakusan JHS students. The Choir stayed in Tokyo and our city for two weeks. The Choir consists 180 boys aged from 10 to 26. This time 31 boys joined the tour. The Choir was organized in 1990 in BBBB, They sang ' Sen no kaze ni natte' in Japanese as an encore song.

Answer 1

Its not too bad

The real problems are in the actual question 'Pleae' should be 'Please' and 'correc' should be 'correct'

Answer 2

Very good! Just a few changes...

The AAA Boys' Choir, which consists 180 boys aged from 10 to 26, performed a joint concert with Hakusan JHS students. For this tour, there were 31 new boys in the American group. They sang ' Sen no kaze ni natte' in Japanese as an encore song. The Choir, which was organized in 1990 in BBBB, stayed in Tokyo and our city for two weeks.

I moved the sentences around to help your thoughts flow a little better. It sounds better in English to not say "The Choir" over and over again, especially at the beginning of each sentence, so I used "American group" at the end of one sentence instead. I'm assuming they were Americans. If not, better change that to something else.

Answer 3

I think it would sound better like this:

AAA Boys' Choir performed a joint concert with Hakusan JHS students. The choir stayed in Tokyo and (name of the city) for two weeks from (the following dates). The Boys' Choir of 180 youth, ranging from ages 10 to 26, added 31 to their numbers. The choir, organized in 1990 in BBBB, performed the Japanese song 'Sen no kaze ni natte' as an encore song.

Answer 4

AAA Boys' Choir performed a joint concert with Hakusan JHS students. The Choir stayed in Tokyo and our city for two weeks. The Choir consists 180 boys aged from 10 to 26;* this time 31 boys joined the tour. The Choir was organized in 1990 in BBBB, **and they sang ' Sen no kaze ni natte' in Japanese as an encore song.

Asterix indicates a change

* A semicolon is used when two sentences have very similar topics, and is used to "join" two sentences together; it just makes the fluency better.

** There should be a period in place of the comma if you really want two seperate sentences. However, again, I think the fluency would be better if the two sentences were merged into one, this time using the conjunction "and".


There is nothing wrong with it, but it does sound a little awkward.

Answer 5

The AAA Boys Choir recently performed a concert featuring the Hakusan JHS Choir. The AAA's Boys Choir was first organized in 1990 and it consists of approximately 180 boys which include the ages between 10 to 26. Recently, the chior has 31 new members who also participated in the tour. The AAA Boys Chior visited Tokyo for two weeks during this event. The featured song was," Sen no kaze ni natte" and it was such a success there was an encore! Hope this helps.

Answer 6

AAA Boys' Choir performed a joint concert with Hakusan JHS students. The Choir organized in 1990 in BBBB. This time, the Choir stayed in Tokyo and *our city* for two weeks. The Choir consists 180 boys aged 10 to 26, and this time 31 boys joined the tour. The show was a hit, and they sang ' Sen no kaze ni natte' in Japanese as an encore song.

*Change to name of city*

Answer 7

AAA Boys' Choir performed a joint concert with Hakusan JHS students. The Choir stayed in Tokyo and our city for two weeks. The Choir consists of 180 boys, aged from ten to twenty-six. This time thirty-one boys joined the tour. The Choir was organized in 1990- in BBBB. They sang "Sen no kaze ni natte" in Japaese as the encore song.

Answer 8

The AAA Boys' Choir performed a joint concert with Hakusan JHS students. The Choir stayed in Tokyo * for two weeks. The Choir consists 180 boys aged 10 to 26. This time, 31 boys joined the tour. The Choir was organized in 1990 in BBBB**. They sang 'Sen No Kaze Ni Natte' in Japanese as an encore song.

otherwise, i think its good.

*either Tokyo alone, or Tokyo and name the city instead of "our city"

**Spell out BBBB possibly, unless the read knows what BBBB stands for

Answer 9

The AAA Boys' Choir performed a joint concert with Hakusan JHS students recently. The Choir stayed in our city, as well as Tokyo, for two weeks. The Choir consists of 180 boys with ages ranging from 10 to 26. This time, 31 boys were included on the tour. The Choir was organized in 1990 in BBBB, As a warm-welcomed encore, the Choir sang ' Sen no kaze ni natte' in Japanese, a perfect way to end a most exciting event.

Answer 10

AAA Boys' Choir, consisting of 180 boys aged from 10 to 26, performed a joint concert with Hakusan JHS students. The Choir stayed in Tokyo and our city for two weeks. This time, 31 boys joined the tour. The Choir was organized in 1990 in BBBB. After a full progran, they sang ' Sen no kaze ni natte' in Japanese as an encore song.

Answer 11

You're doing okay. Keep your thoughts together and watch your punctuation.

Thirty-three members of the AAA Boys Choir performed a joint concert with Hakusan JHS students. Over a 2-week period, the choir performed in Tokyo and our city. Highlighting the concerts was the choirs' encore song sung in Japanese, "Sen No Kaze N Natte."
The choir, which was organized in 1990 in BBBB, consists of 180 boys who range in age from 10 to 25.

Hope this helps. Good luck