I am married with children and I love my husband and children VERY much!! I did get married at a young age and have only 'been' with my husband. I recently started a new job a little over a month ago. There is this guy there that I am VERY attracted to. He has a g/f of 4 months as well, but he talks and flirts with me a lot...and I do with him too. I have done nothing more than flirting and a little emailing...but I think I would do more if ever given the opportunity...I feel horrible and do not want to cheat on my husband...I just want these feelings and thoughts to go away...All I have been able to think about for the last 3 weeks is the other man... I even had a dream about him the other night...
He did quit his job a few days ago (for other reasons) so maybe this will help, b/c I won't be able to 'see' him...I still don't think I will be able to quit thinking about him though...any ideas to get him off of my mind??? Help?
2007-11-26 08:57:38 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He must be hot!!! but if you want to save your marriage you need to be very discreet with him if you know what i mean...
2007-11-26 09:18:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's easy to be connected or fantasize about co-workers. It's like a new relationship, the excitement and the attention. It's natural, but if you value your marriage and the long deep relationship with your husband, don't make the mistake I did. My wife acted on her impulses, I forgave her, but she said that it definately changed something in our relationship. She hurt me badly after I found out and we haven't been the same since. She admits that she regrets the pain it has caused me and also the trust issues and our once solid connection has been lost. She also admits, that while fun for the short time, the ramifications are haunting her to this day. She regrets giving into her desires and wishes she never went through with it.
Think about your kids and hubby, the fact that this other guy left your work is great to break the romance brewing. Marriages can get routine, maybe you need to try and spice it up a bit. There are many ways to do, ask your husband that you miss those "fun" days and see if he can muster up some new experiences for you and bring back the romance you two shared. You do your part too. Good Luck!
2007-11-26 09:14:54 · answer #2 · answered by Career Advice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now is the time to put more effort than ever into your marriage. Remember every good or sexy thing you've ever done for or with your husband?It's time to do those things again - and more. Everything you've ever thought of doing with this new man is exactly what you should be doing with your husband. It will take time, but eventually you will replace the thoughts of this new person with better thoughts of your husband. Marriage is an agreement to be faithful to one another forever - it is not a guarantee that you'll never be attracted to someone else. To keep the promises you made when you married, you need to focus on your husband and work hard to erase any new interests that might crop up.
2007-11-26 09:09:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The easiest way to forget someone is don't. Once you except that you love this person and the fact that you can't be with this person. Than the feeling will change. You will still love this person. Have special dreams about this person. But it will never come true. Once you can do this, that your every day life will be free to feel this love for him and no guilty toward your husband. Because you didn't cheat. That is no unfaith here. In a way you are unfaith to your husband but fair to him in every way without cheating on him.
An 100 percent faithful to your heart.
I did this and it works perfect. You have to undrstand that will be 1 in a billion guy where you will marry him. But there will be a few 1 in a million guy that pops up here and there in your life time.
So stay true to your heart. Love the guy, dream about the guy, and stop there. If you can do this, you will have peace in your mind.
2007-11-26 09:08:32 · answer #4 · answered by ken401lam 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, you said it yourself...you love your husband and children VERY much.
So, ask yourself if an affair is worth losing all that?
It's okay to fantasize about someone, but I'm thinking you got a good break here when he quit his job. Don't see him...don't take calls from him... don't email him...you get the picture, don't you?
Don't screw up what sounds like a good thing. Stick with what you have now, especially since you love your present guy. Recognize this for what it is...an office infatuation...and let it go! You're lucky to be in a marriage where there IS love.. think of the married people who'd love to have what you have at home!
Best of luck to you!
2007-11-26 09:16:59 · answer #5 · answered by Barbi T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think of it like seeing a beautiful car, or dress, or fur coat or whatever in a store window that you simply cannot afford without wrecking you and your families finances.
Then put it out of your mind. Forever.
Next, figure out what it is that is causing you to feel unfulfilled in your marriage. Sit down with your husband once you figure it out, or at least have a pretty good idea about it, and discuss it and find ways to fix it.
Keep in mind that your CHILDREN come first, before you, before anything else. You have no right to do anything that would break up their home and their security and take their father (or their mother) away from them. They didn't ask to be born, and it's your responsibility to give them a stable, happy home until they are old enough to go out on their own.
The only exception to this would be if it is already an abusive home, in which case you should get you and your kids out, get your life together for yourself, and THEN see about another relationship.
If there is no abusive stuff going on, then remember that your kids come first.
Best wishes to you!
2007-11-26 09:06:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Just let it go. It was nice while it happened, but thank goodness, nothing became of it. Let it go.
If you love your husband and children as you say you do, that's all you can do. Over time, you'll think of him less and less and then one day...He won't even be a memory. Just give it time. Your luck that nothing happened between you two, but flirting. It would've been hard if you did act on things and are left with nothing but a memory of him.
2007-11-26 09:05:51 · answer #7 · answered by Bunny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's okay if you still thinks about him. Feelings are normal and they will go away. If he contacts you, DO NOT respond. You risk ruining your family. And it is not worth it. No matter how much he says he feels for you and you feel for him. You have already cross the line by flirting with him. How would you feel if your husband was flirting with a female co-worker? How do you think your kids would feel if they found out what you did?
2007-11-26 09:15:18 · answer #8 · answered by Jessica C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can dream and think about him but don't act out. Because you did get young at an early age you are just now seeing what else is out there. This will happen quite often but you can't let yourself slip.
2007-11-26 09:06:03 · answer #9 · answered by babyhope1024 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quit communication with this man - it should be easy now that you no longer work with him.... everytime you have these thoughts, picture your children and your loving trusting husband. The grass won't be greener on the other side, you've got it good right now.
2007-11-26 09:06:24 · answer #10 · answered by Betty 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO MORE EMAILS!!! No more flirting no more talking to him speaking from the cheated on point of view no contact sounds best to me and there is this song you should look you call "when i think about cheating i think about you leaving" its country but either way its a thought
2007-11-26 09:05:49 · answer #11 · answered by little bit 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋