what do you think? i personally feel it's a bit clumsy, but i always like to see if the world agrees. and can you think of a title, apart from the obvious? (i am going to think of my own, btw, before anyone starts on at me for not doing my own poetry)
This precious diamond heart of mine
Is only made of glass
It sparkles like the real thing
But lacks eye-catching class
It doesn’t take emotion well
Or, that’s how it seems
The happiness just seems to slide
Away from the deceptive gleam
So why, then, will this glass heart crack,
If feeling cannot be?
Perhaps some misconception here
Something I cannot see?
2007-11-26 08:25:03 · 14 answers · asked by kleptomanic sheep 5 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
oh, and be honest. i'm not looking for false flattery.
2007-11-26 08:26:12 · update #1
To those who worry over breaking hearts
you all need to learn to dance, should be the next poem.
class is an illusion we are all people with feelings and needs and wants.
2007-11-26 09:33:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
The first line does not work for me but I understand why it is there. You might drop diamond, (This precious heart of mine) Title, My Diamond Heart. The rest is very good, I enjoyed it very much. Now in the end there is only one person this poem is for and that is you. You want others to like what you write but there are your feelings.
2007-11-26 09:42:28 · answer #2 · answered by Coop 366 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Glass Heart Of Mine"
myspace.com/desperatedan86
2007-11-26 08:32:47 · answer #3 · answered by pokerfacedanny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
great poem!
maybe you should call it "diamond of deception'?
and maybe lose a syllable or 2 on the 8th line.
2007-11-26 09:48:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's clumsy at all.
It's very well written and I understand exactly what you're saying :)
Good job! A+
xx.
2007-11-26 08:42:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anabella 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its really good
i feel like i have heard some of it before
idk deja vu lol
2007-11-26 09:45:06 · answer #6 · answered by smileprincess665 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its a very good idea for a poem i relly like it being a poet myself i would say you can go a lot father than that but its a relly good littile poem
2007-11-26 09:07:23 · answer #7 · answered by Morgan K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Glass heart - delicate soul , maybe?
2007-11-26 08:41:36 · answer #8 · answered by Kurt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it. It's good, and I like the questions asked.
2007-11-26 09:26:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think this is really really good!!!!
some good titles would be:
my diamond heart
precious diamond heart
my blind diamond heart
hope this helps :)
kota
2007-11-26 10:01:57 · answer #10 · answered by gazookabub is randommm! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋