Mother and boyfriend can't stand each other...sticky situation---what would you do??

Question

The other day my mother called me & told me that there was one less virgin in our house (my boyfriend and I have been telling my baby sister to wait or she may regret it, she is 15) so automatically i figured she was talking about my sister. We were at the movies & getting ready to head in & I told her i would call her back afterwards so I could hear the story. I informed my boyfriend of what i was told. After the movie i looked at my cell and saw that i had a voicemail from my mom. I listened to it and it was my mother saying she was just kidding they were just joking around. This really upset me since I have been totally serious about the whole loss of virginity, I don't want my sister to be like me & regret it. I began to cry when i called my mother back & was telling her not to joke about that & that she really upset me, she wouldnt stop laughing. That is when my boyfriend grabbed the phone from me (he was pissed) & screamed at her & told her she was a bad mother

& that if she couldn't be a mom & be serious she should have never brought children into this world. Now my mom is expecting an apology from my boyfriend. I understand where she stands & that he should have not talked to her like that. But my boyfriend is refusing to apologize. He said that he meant it. (my boyfriend & my mom have had problems for a while, she thinks he isnt good enough for me and talks bad about him behind his back even after i tell her not to. She acts like he isnt good enough even though she really has no place to judge who i fall in love with) I love my boyfriend & I understand where he is upset since he looks at my younger sister as his younger sister & that he is trying to protect her & he believes what my mom did was wrong & he was upset that she hurt me & joked about such a serious issue. My family thinks that my boyfriend should be involved in our lives as a family member but needs keep his mouth shut when it comes to other stuff. His family looks at me as

a family member and expects me to express my concerns to them. btw my boyfriend & I have been together for 2 years & we have had an awesome relationship, he treats me great & has never treated me badly. I have never understood why my mother acts the way she does towards him. I just dont know what to do i feel trapped in the middle. What would you do in this situation? I understand both sides. Should I seek relationship or family counseling so they can work this out? I am seriously so close to calling Dr. Phil about this...I just want my mother & my boyfriend to at least stand each other. What would you do, would you seek counseling?

Answer 1

Your mum should've apologized to you for making a joke out of a bad experience. And she's kinda heartless to even laugh about it when you were crying on the other end of the line. Your bf should never lose his temper like that either even though she's nasty. Tell your mum that you are deeply involved with your boyfriend and that she will probably live with it for a long time, so she might as well get along with him now or she'll never be happy, especially during the holidays. Your bf should probably apologized for screaming all those things to her too, because no matter what, he should never raise his voice and temper like that.

Answer 2

First - if your boyfriend wants to be treated like family, he shouldn't be screaming at anyone. He owes your mom an apology.

Second - unless and until you two are married, he WON'T be family. So he should still apologize. Even if you do get married, he'll be an inlaw to everyone else, and may not be fully accepted for years.

Third - you probably will not ever be best friends with your mother. It happens - you just learn to be an adult, and get along civilly, and go on with your life.

Fourth - if you're so stressed about everything that you're crying because of a practical joke, I think you need to learn more coping strategies and stress reduction techniques. Start searching for these on the web, and try practicing them.

But in any case, your boyfriend needs to apologize to your mom. Someone there needs to start acting as a mature, rational adult. Why not start with him? It doesn't mean that all of you will, but maybe he can be a role model for them to emulate.