I ask because I found out my husband has some strange issues that I cant accept. I would leave him for them, but we have three kids together. I am a stay at home mom, and he has a great paying job. I worry that if I leave now, I have nothing, and risk losing custody of my kids to him, I have just started my own home business that isnt profitable yet, but I think it looks pretty good in the future. I also know that right now I am with my kids 24/7, and can keep a close eye on them. If I have to share custody they might be with him for weeks at a time without me being able to help them. He has never hurt any children, but his sick habits include fantasy stories with children. I've checked with the police and there is nothing illegal about it, but its gross!! I've talked to him about getting counceling and he wont. Is it wrong to stay with him so I dont have to share custody?
2007-11-26 07:34:29 · 12 answers · asked by crzyldy3 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well sounds like to me you put your self in a JAM, you need to save money BUT, REALLY SAVE IT & then leave him, if your not happy & you know he will not change then you need to find someone who will treat you right. BUT don't ever put ur self in that kinda jam again, i'm going to tell you this as a friend someone can love you, trust you, care for you, ECT. but you need to take care of your self and everyone in the world should have a backup plan. You need to find a job that is bringing money in now not in the furture. also the reason people stay in a marraige when they are unhappy is because they think love is enough and are in jams.
2007-11-26 07:44:40 · answer #1 · answered by M & M 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is a pedophile. By staying with him, you are exposing your kids to being sexually abused. You CANNOT watch them all the time. You have to sleep, right?
Sexual abuse has gone on in families back when the wife stayed home all the time, too. A pedophile WILL find the opportunity, that's what they do.
You need to get your kids and yourself out of there, and file for divorce, child support, and custody. Bring the proof of his pedophilia with you to the lawyer, and also make an opportunity to confront him about it so that you can get it on tape -- video would be even better.
He may also be receiving child porn pics/videos on his computer, and if so, this is grounds to call the police and get him arrested as a pedophile/sexual offender. No court would give custody to him then.
You had better NOT share custody with him. Your children need to be PROTECTED, not given to him like a free pedophile snack, are you kidding?
I understand that you have nothing, but you need to get your kids out of there, and you along with them. If you can get him caught at his perversion, that would be the best thing, take his computer in to a computer place when he isn't home, and have them look for child porn on it. If they find it, they can call the police, or you should.
You cannot say that he has never hurt any children. You have no idea whether he has, or hasn't. Pedophiles are excellent at keeping their activities secret from their spouses.
Also, there is NO CURE for pedophilia. No amount of counselling, not even pedophiles who have been castrated have changed their ways. There is no cure. And it only gets worse, and worse, and worse as time goes on. Do you understand this? Your children are in GREAT danger, whether you are there or not.
P.S. If anything happens to your kids, or to any OTHER kid, and he gets caught, and the police find out that you KNEW about his perversions, then you can be held responsible as well. Even though you have asked the police. Make sure you document that you asked them, what their response was, who you spoke to, and the date/time.
2007-11-26 07:51:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he needs help, if my hubby had fantacies about children i'd leave so fast his head would spin, and it's not a very good idea to leave them alone with him, and u have more rights to your children than he if you divorce, i don't kno where ur from but here a mom has more rights over the father, and if u can get proof of him with the fantacy thing u have nothing to worry about, this is just a suggestion, tape recorder :). Good Luck Sweety
2007-11-26 07:59:11 · answer #3 · answered by aquarius_water_goddess_30 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I stayed in an unhappy marriage for years "because of the kids". It finally got to the point neither of us could stand it anymore so we made plans to split and agreed to keep the kids first.
Once we decided to split we each realized that we really loved each other and wanted to make it work. We both made changes and now we are like newlyweds. Never thought this would happen but it did.
One of the changes I made is around my addictive behavior, drugs and alcohol. It is difficult but doable.
I am not sure about fantasies about children. I do not know if that can be erased. I want a drink but don't take one. I can't imagine wanting a child or fantasizing or reading about it. That is sick and he needs professional help.
He will not change unless he wants to or unless you issue and ultimatum and follow through on it.
Good luck and keep your kids safe!
2007-11-26 07:45:42 · answer #4 · answered by EddieH 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do u really want the truth ?? This is something that needs to
be asked to your children... "has daddy ever touched you
down there "?? Ask them until u are satisfied with the "truth"
But, if they say yes....press charges on him...and divorce him
Sexual abuse can scar a child the rest of their lives..they will
never forget it. THAT is something you need to do # 1. He
gives ME the creeps...and I don't even know him. Being a
single mother is not all that bad.....I did it with help. You will
need some help financially....maybe,...I had to depend on my
parents. Or we wouldn't have made it. But I had to leave the
childs father because he was abusive. So,....listen to your gut
insticts....it's true...your usually right. See if he has affected
your children, they come first. God Bless. Do the right thing
for them and for yourself.
2007-11-26 07:52:35 · answer #5 · answered by CraZyCaT 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave for your children... that is just terrible. What if he ever did anything to those kids, could you forgive yourself knowing his "sick habits?" I doubt it, they are what is most important here, and I am certain you won't have to share custody considering he is a danger to the children.
2007-11-26 07:49:52 · answer #6 · answered by Betty 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My sympathy goes out to you and to all others that suffer the indecision of leaving an uncomfortable situation. Please be cautious, I can't recommend to you a quick remedy but only warn you to watch your hubby for signs of his fantasy turning to physical attempts of abuse towards the children. Document his actions and put them into an official record at the police department.
Spartawo...
2007-11-26 07:57:09 · answer #7 · answered by spartaworld.combat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They stay because they are:
- afraid of being alone
- afraid they'll go broke
- afraid of being a single parent
- afraid no one will love them again
2007-11-26 07:38:02 · answer #8 · answered by monicanena 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
get away from him asap or else a disaster is coming your way.
2007-11-26 07:46:07 · answer #9 · answered by Dr S 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As my dad once said...."A divorce is a nice thing if you can afford it..." Apparently, and obviously neither of you can.
2007-11-26 07:43:28 · answer #10 · answered by April 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋