My husband went out yesterday with some old friends that came to visit us from out of state they left the house like around 1:30pm to visit another friend here in town and he had told me that he wasn't going to be late... well it comes to be that his friends wanted to stop at a bar and watch the football game that started at 8pm but he didn't get home until 3am... now he thinks i'm furious with him, but the truth is that i'm not as mad as he thinks, but i dont want him to know that! because then he'll think that he can do that whenever he wants... now what should I tell him when he gets home from work.... ;)
2007-11-26 07:31:57 · 25 answers · asked by Latinchik 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why would you want to make him think you're mad when you're not? "because then he'll think that he can do that whenever he wants"
Recognize this for what it is: manipulative and controlling behavior. You are willing to let him believe a lie so that you can control whether or not he repeats a behavior that you had no problem with at the time, but MIGHT have a problem with in the future IF he does it again.
Try the truth. You might like it.
Just tell him you had no problem with it, but in the future, could he consider you and your feelings and give you a call when he's going to be late so that you can rest easy that he's happy and healthy and not, say, in a car wreck, and so that you can get a hold of him if you have an emergency.
Your husband is a man with free-will and feelings of his own, and if you are considerate of the fact that he doesn't need a leash of any sort (especially the emotionally manipulative type) then he will be considerate of you in the same way.
2007-11-26 07:45:38 · answer #1 · answered by CowboysFan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't play games with him.
Just sit him down and calmly tell him that you're not all that mad, because he doesn't usually do that sort of thing. Tell him that in the future though, if this should ever happen again, he needs to be honest and call you from the bar or whatever, to let you know that he is going to be a few more hours.
Even better, he could invite you to come along too.
P.S. If you act like you're all bent out of shape over this time, then you MIGHT have a bad effect on him the next time, as in he will lie and sneak around to do what he wants to do, instead of telling you or even possibly inviting you along.
2007-11-26 07:40:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Whoa! You don't want to seem like a control freak do you? If you can genuinely say that you were not upset with it - then be proud of that and let him know!!! But you must also explain why, I do this with my spouse (i.e.: it is your birthday, I don't mind being the D.D., it's not like you get drunk every night, and now is a good time to celebrate.... if you drank every night I'd be really annoyed - but you don't!)
Tell him that as his wife you would appreciate a little more respect by getting a phone call from him letting you know he plans to go out. Tell him that it would not have been a big deal because it is a unique situation, it's not like an every night thing. If it were an every night thing, you'd think of him as a lame, loser drunk... but that you understand these are people he doesn't get to see too often, and reason to "celebrate."
2007-11-26 07:45:35 · answer #3 · answered by Betty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest with him. Say I thought you were going to be home earlier like you said. A relationship is not about controling someone or making them think one thing when its really something else. Dont lie just tell him how you feel.
2007-11-26 07:55:06 · answer #4 · answered by llexiann30 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try being honest. Tell him you are not completely mad but expect him to do as he told you. If you agree with his plans and he respects you enough to stick with them then neither of you have to play games. Your plan to cover your true feelings is not much better than him not sticking to what he said. If you are honest then he will not feel as though you are trying to control him, and if he is worth a crap then he will be straight with you and do as he says.
2007-11-26 07:42:11 · answer #5 · answered by joe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah so you're trying to justify faking with him in order to control his behavior. That's the same thing as lying. You're being deceptive, and he should resent you for it. Try being honest. "Hubby, it didn't bother me so much that you were out late last night, but if this type of behavior becomes more common, it will bother me and we will have big problems."
2007-11-26 07:49:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So you had a nice break did ya?? and enjoyed it as well...Isn't YOU time nice?? 8-)
Wait and see if he brings the subject up..If he does just say
that you would appreciate some consideration and a phone call from him to know where he is when his plans change when he goes out....
That should cover it....
2007-11-26 07:41:38 · answer #7 · answered by Dog Rescuer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let it go! What's the big deal? He went out with friends - just tell him it's your turn next.
Life is waaaaaaay too short to hassle over this minor stuff. Is he a good guy? If so, then give him a hug.
2007-11-26 07:38:38 · answer #8 · answered by Cathy C 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Silly me - I would try the truth.
Tell him you are glad he had a good time, but you wish he would have called so you knew he would be home late.
Why lie in order to "control" him - not exactly a great thing to do in a marriage -- love, trust, honesty are important.
2007-11-26 07:38:10 · answer #9 · answered by Susie D 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
What would you want him to do if the roles were reversed?
If you make a big deal out of it he will feel like you are trying to mother him, and he will rebel, causing trouble for your relationshipin the long run.
2007-11-26 08:03:18 · answer #10 · answered by patience 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋