I dont know where to start but it is oing to be a long one~ sorry?

Question

where to start...ok i have been married for 5yrs. we have a 4 yr old.I feel like my husband and I are roomates. we NEVER do anything together.ive asked him for 5 yrs to take me to the beach for 1 night...not that much money. i wanted to do it on our wedding anniversary...to celebrate that...he wouldnt.
Ive asked him to take us to the beach for the day(our daughter, me and him) he wont/hasnt. keeps saying he will and wont. our daughters never seen the beach. my cousin offered to take us ab\nd he gets mad(my hubby) he wont go to the park with us....says its not free...it costs money to drive there (gas).
we never do anything together..as a couple or as a family. i do most of the things with our little one.
I am not happy and havent been. im driving a veichle thats not safe but that dosent phase him. he never wants to go see my family . EVERY holiday is with his. says we cant afford to go see mine.
gets mad if i go visit my cousin ....who is 5 minutes away.

i dont feel he is cheating...to be honest.
i am tired of it..i feel like life is passing me by.
ive tried to talk to him, but he always blames it on being tired, money etc.
and he will change for like a week then it is back to his old self.even when we have extra money he complains. all he does when he is home is sits on the couch and watches tv. i know there are people worse off then me.
but at the same time, i am sooooo confused on what to do.i suggested a seperation to see if that would help...he went off the wall saying thats you giving up /etc he wont do it. he also wont do counseling.h
he likes to nit pick and be a brat. for instance...i washed dishes the other day...left them in the sink to dry...he came in washed his shoe over them....i told him they were clean...he said hed clean them again or they will clean again etc.
there are times when he is so sweet but hes more a brat .
i was out of a job ...company laid off. found one about 2 weeks later a
fter he complained

then he complained about the one I did get.i just dont understand/get it.
yes i do work. he does too
yes he is always welcome at my parents. they have invited us every yr.for a holiday
yes there is a 10 yr age differnce. i am the younger.
im workin on getting the car fixed:)
and thats the word i was looking for on how i feel....trapped. thank you to all who have answered.
when i suggested the separation, like i mentioned before he said i was free to go but no way in hEll was i taking our daughter that she was staying with him.
yet i am the one who brings her to shool, picks her up, makes dinner, brings her to the paties for schoolfriends that she is invited to etc

theres no one here in this state on my side of the family i can go to . my cousin is moving also.

i have a full time job,but it osent pay very well, altho i am still looking. i odnt ave my own car either, i drive his. (he uses one the company he works for provides)
i dont make enough to save really

MONICA~ no i did not pursue him and et pregnant on purpose!!!!

Answer 1

i think you need to take a breif separation. he has taken you for granted. he needs to realize how empty his life is without you and how much he loves you. i would pack up the kids and stay with a relative for a few weeks and tell him to call you when he feels like being a family. you deserve better than this. let him know it!

Answer 2

From what you described soulds like an emotionally abusive relationship. Especially with getting mad about visiting family, and nothing you do satisfies him.

I would suggest getting counseling for youself, they will help you deal with what is going on, and are bound by law not to tell anyone (unless it comes up in a court case or a few other circumstances). There may be a low to no cost counselling center, since he seems to be watching the money flow.

I would definitely talk to someone though to guide you through this. Often one type of abuse leads to another.

Answer 3

Number one, HE doesn't decide who keeps your daughter, that is up to the COURTS to decide and unless you're unfit, it is usually the mother or person who has been the primary caregiver that gets custody. That being said, life is too short to stay in this pitiful situation with this tightwad. I'm sure you've heard the saying "you can be miserable all by yourself", well you are already working full time, broke and with a crappy car, girl you can do that well or better without the husband. Give it some thought.

Answer 4

This is my best advice, you need to take your daughter and go. He married someone 10 years his junior because he thought he could control a less experienced woman; in other words be her dad. Now he is finding out that his age is a major problem because he wants to nest and you want to live. You see, he has already done all of those things and now he selfishly wants to deny you those same experiences. Why should he go to the beach, he figures he's been there a thousand times. You probably admired him and respected his maturity, but whats mature about his selfishness now? He sounds like a big baby; just like you pointed out. Don't miss out on life and the memories that a family builds together because this old coot is too lazy "tired" to care about anybody else but himself. Go live and show your beautiful daughter how to live too. Good Luck : )

Answer 5

he sounds like an asshole I'm just being honest....i don't think he really gets the family thing. i understand he is tired and worn out and that's why he don't want to do much BUT he has an obligation to you and your daughter and has to hold up to his end....you shouldn't be the only adult active in her life....its not hard for him to read her a book or watch a TV show with her hell he could relax at the park while she played or by sunning at the beach....hes just grabbing for excuses and thinking you will buy anything he says id give him an ultimadum...you be apart of this marriage not only as a husband but as a dad or we can continue this sherades as a seperated couple it wouldnt be much different then it is now othere then we wouldnt live together

Answer 6

You just need to start doing what you want to, with out asking him permission. He is your husband not your daddy. If you want to go to your family for the holidays, save the money from your paycheck and go when he isn't home. Leave him a note to say where you are if you like. If you want to go to the beach pack up your car and your child and go when he is not home. Leave another note. If he gets upset tell him, you are not his child, you are an adult and you will make your own decisions and he is not in charge any longer.

Answer 7

Sounds like my marriage. I was with him for 10 years and we may have went to 2 movies during that time span. He just never wanted to be seen with me at any functions, or at least that was my impression. My self esteem plummeted.

His job woud have parties and I would not be included. He said non of the spouses were going and then, after all was said and done, I would find out that other spouses had in fact been included. The same with parties. He went with his friends while I stayed home with the kids. I finally decided to put him on notice and told him if things did not change, we would not be married come this time the next year. So he threw me a surprise Birthday party so when I filed for divorce, I would look like an a** who did not appreciate his efforts.

My family said I expected too much. My mom and sister have never been married and I guess they thought I was getting as good as I deserved. I knew better. I left his a** just like I said I would. My sister still takes his side and no matter what is said, whe agrees with him. She told me that he will always be her brother. That's fine. She can have her "brother" but eventually, it may end up costing her sister. Especially if she is reluctant to accept a new man in my life.

I know this...the next MAN and believe me, he must be a MAN, who comes along had better be as strong willed as I am and STAND BY ME or his a** will be out too! I have no time for wishy washy men who try to placate the members of my family. If they are wrong dam* it they are wrong. A marriage is between a husband and wife who should be as one. If one of the parties falters, it doesn't work.

My ex husband never earned enough money for us to be financially free from my mom and sister. When he bought something for me, he would borrow the money from one of them. If the bills were not able to be paid, he would borrow from them. That was OUR role in their lives...needy. My family will have difficulty accepting a new man in my life especially if he is able to be self sufficient because they will not be needed finaicially and will not have the INPUT they desire in our lives.

At one point, I was working TWO jobs to provide for us. He worked too but never would take the step to beciome the PRIMARY wage earner. That stress was left for me. It sounds like your family is supportive but he has the upper hand. Until YOU decide that you and your daughter deserve better than HIM, you will always be treated this way.

Answer 8

Wow you're in a tough situation! You gotta tell him, either you guys go to counseling or you'll leave him. But you gotta mean it! You can't use leaving him as an empty threat!
Start doing things on your own, and if he doesn't like it, tell him that's just too bad. He had a choice in coming with you. He'll figure it out! If not, good bye!
Good luck!

Answer 9

First off remember you are better than he is and you desrve better than him, he does not love you if he can trat you like this, and he really is not worth you running yourself and your daughter down over. Get out and get yourself a new life, and someone who desrves you, good luck hunny xx

Answer 10

You'r married to an inconciderate lazy man and unfortunately they are not rare! There is hope for you two: it's called marriage counseling. Suggest it to him,no, give him an ultimatum: marriage counseling or a seperation. Let him choose. If he chooses seperation then tell him that he's the one who gave up and not you. Then leave.
You can't change him. He has to change himself. You can't let yourself be trapped in a loveless(on his part) relationship. You are still in control of your life. Use it.

Answer 11

You can get really good advice at www.survivinginfidelity. com---this site is great for advice on all kinds of situations. Good luck sweetie.