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Well last weekend my bf of 3 years went to a strip club for a friends birthday. Didn't have a problem with that, and dont have a problem with him having normal female friends. However i did have a problem when he came home with one of the strippers numbers. I txted him yesterday and said that I wanted him to txt the girl infront of me saying he does not want her to contact him or vice versa then delete the number. Well he comes home and claims he already did it, i ask to see the txt he say he deleted it because he sent it early in the morning before i told him to show me & that his 'inbox' was full. I ask to see the contacts, and her name has been deleted & he says he swears honestly he has deleted the number. Do you think he actually has stopped txting her? Do u think its strange he did not have the txt to show me, or am i just bein paranoid? Please be serious, this is a serious issue to me.

2007-11-26 07:17:57 · 21 answers · asked by jiveybaby 1 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

Also he only topped up his phone on Sunday, and he claims by monday evening his inbox is full. Well it takes 200 txts and i can't see how he would txt that much in one day!

2007-11-26 07:53:07 · update #1

21 answers

He is either already having an affair, or trying to set one up.

Sit him down and tell him that. Then tell him that if that is what he wants, then your relationship is over. There can be no trust, no friendship that will survive what he is doing. Tell him that.

Don't let him give you any excuses or any lies like he has been doing. Of COURSE he is still txting her. And if there is one of "her" there have probably been others, or there will be.

He sounds very immature, and frankly, like an idiot. He may also be trying to break up with you by making YOU break up with him.

2007-11-26 07:28:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2 0

It should be fine for him to have female friends' numbers; but a stripper a guy meets in a strip club isn't a friend. Her job is to use sex/ego stroking on men to get what she wants (usually money, sometimes a relationship with more support involved). There's a few things that worry me about this situation. a) He got the number of this woman. b) He didn't tell you about it (you stated it as, "I discovered"). c) He discussed her sex life with her (whether true or not -- most strippers will say whatever they think will get the most money, and men are usually fascinated with lesbians). Awfully intimate discussion, for someone not very close. d) He left his friends to stay with her. My husband switched jobs some years ago, and his new, younger, single co-workers were into strip clubs. He'd gone to them a couple times before, for bachelor parties (his own and a couple friends) and seemed okay after; he'd give me a rough idea what happened and seemed a little embarassed, for himself and for the strippers. I wasn't pleased but could tolerate that. The new crowd would go whenever they wanted a rush. The first time they took him along, he told me about it, like before... and when he came home he was different. He was all over me -- but -- it was like he didn't want ME, he just wanted some warm female body and I was handy. I told him so and he broke down crying and said he wouldn't go again. (He never did tell me what happened in the club, either, like he had before; and he doesn't cry easily so I was really shocked.) He got more and more distant, no interest in sex anymore. Finally I discovered that he'd been going to a really expensive one (so much for that promise), and nearly bankrupted us (AMEX cancelled one card and he'd maxed the other, and put a couple $1500-a-night trips on my credit card; how I found this out). He moved out when I found this and now wants a divorce. He told me sometime in this process that the real turning point, when he really started to go nuts, was when he would stay at the club alone, without friends. He also started smoking, hid that from me too; he told me when he left that the main reason was "Everyone else was smoking" ... though he stated later that he only has one friend who smokes (he moved in with him, actually). I'm guessing the strippers were the ones who got him started. So. In sum. Yes, you have a right to be worried/upset/angry. Strip clubs really aren't healthy for relationships -- even if you start off innocently enough, the whole place is geared to entice more, suck you in, spend more, do more, and some guys just hit a point of no return. What to do about it... hard to say. You guys definitely need to talk at the very least.

2016-04-05 23:28:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

What does your gut and heart tell you? That is the answer. In any event, you cannot drive yourself crazy over this. I'd let it go for now. Do you normally have any reason to distrust him? If not and your relationship is fairly good, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. And I'd tell him that too by saying, "Okay, I am going to believe you. If I find out otherwise that you're lying to me, then we'll address that when we come to it but it may very well be the end of the relationship." Because if he is lying and he's taking up with a stripper, God only knows where she's been and you're putting yourself out there for a possible STD, etc., not to mention just a lot of grief over the lying and distrust. I'd let it go for now, trust him, believe him and then see how it plays out. In the long run, the truth always does come out. So don't drive yourself crazy with worry in the meantime. I hope this helps. Good luck!

2007-11-26 07:25:20 · answer #3 · answered by nonameblonde 6 · 0 0

Well at this point, there's not much that you can do, except believe him and move on, or not believe him, and continue to stay in a relationship with no trust. Forgiving in this case, would be easier, it's not serious enough to keep going on about, unless he has actually physically cheated on you, and you have evidence to back up your theory. It's not always what you know, it's what you can prove.

He could have deleted the number and wrote it on a piece of paper, if it was really that serious. If he found the girls number and deleted it from his phone, it doesn't matter, he could always go back to the club later, without telling you and hook up with her, if she's worth the trouble, which I doubt she is. Most men, don't have much respect for women in her profession. I'm sure he's not the only one that she's handed her digits too. Forget about it and move on. It's really not worth it to keep pursuing it, all the evidence has been deleted.
Best wishes.

-Knowledge24

2007-11-26 07:24:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

I'm not sure what his 'inbox' being full has to do with why he deleted the sent message but ultimately this is going to come down to you trusting him or not trusting him. Most strippers are not going to have a problem going after someone elses man so this is basically about what kind of guy he is.Men usually don't respond well to you pestering them about stuff like this either. I would let it fly for awhile and do your best to not be all over him about it but be aware of things and see how you feel - don't pretend like it didn't happen but don't bring it up all of the time.

2007-11-26 07:27:01 · answer #5 · answered by jfer0142 3 · 0 1

I'm being serious. Some stripper meets your man for the first time and she gives him her #? Because that is what all strippers want, to hook up with some drunken buffoon of a customer who's been shoving dollar bills in my garter all night to see my goods. I had to ask, because I don't know too many strippers who've seen anything but dollar signs when it comes to clientele and certainly don't care to mix business with pleasure.

2007-11-26 07:28:58 · answer #6 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0 0

First of all, you are partly responsible for his behavior. Since you were okay with him going to strip clubs. Because it is NOT okay. And since you already condone this kind of behavior, getting a girls is number is not a surprise at all. There are a while string of irresponsible behavior that follows. Tell him to quit this habit. Strip clubs and good relationships do not go together. Don't think he appreciates you just because you are letting him have his "freedom". He is just going to take advantage of your leniency. And you will only have yourself to blame.

2007-11-26 07:35:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

This sounds like a trust issue if you really trust him you will believe him. Have you got a problem trusting him for any reason? I don't think there is anything wrong with him deleting the message

2007-11-26 07:31:36 · answer #8 · answered by beajay 3 · 0 0

I agree with the other answers you got already.

The fact he went to a strip club is one thing to worry about, IMO. (I'm old-fashioned..) The fact he had a stripper's number is a major red flag, too.

Unless he understands this is a major issue with you because it could definitively lead you to stop trusting him, he should avoid going to these places and work on making you feel safe and secure. (Go to therapy if you think you are exaggerating...although in my opinion you are not. You are right to be concerned and worried!) GOOD LUCK.

2007-11-26 07:28:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

You are too controling. If my girl did that to me, I would break up with her and help her pack her bags. You need to understand that there's nothing you can do to stop him from cheating. He's either going to do it, or he's not. You trying to monitor his texts and control his contact list is a complete waste of time. At most, all it will accomplish is annoying him. You need to learn how to trust him. If he's not trustworthy, stop trying to make him into something he's not. Either accept him for who he is or break up with him. Hopefully, he is a guy you can trust and everything will be fine after you grow up a bit.

2007-11-26 07:40:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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