i got an abortion in march...long story short i was with this guy for a year found out he was cheating he knew i knew he beat me and basically got me pregnant so i wouldnt leave him but i did anyhow. i aborted the child becuase i am only 20 and still living at home and doing the college thing and not financially stable. i also didnt want the father to have anything to do with it. i was with another guy by the time i did the abortion and we are still together. but i never told the father what i did the only one who knows is my current boyfriend. i am thinking about it a lot lately these days and i feel like i did wrong. should i talk to someone? did i do the right thing? i just feel like im goin crazy!
2007-11-26 07:09:02 · 29 answers · asked by oh me oh my 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
You are going to get so many people on here judging you ... don't let them get to you.
Truth of the matter is abortion is right or wrong for each individual person. No one can decide what is right or wrong for you and the people who try to make you feel even more horrible about it disgust me.
Given your circumstances at the time was it the right decision? Why are you thinking about it now? Do you want to have another child maybe or are you just dealing with it? Its not an easy thing and you did what you had to do. If you feel that you are obsessing over it or not able to move forward than try talking to someone like a counselor and hopefully they can help you.
I will say I am glad you got away from that situation ... many woman are not as strong as you and they stay. I believe you deserve a lot of kudos for your strength and dont let anyone make you feel otherwise!!
2007-11-26 09:49:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I think that you should talk to someone. Many times women will be ok directly after an abortion and start feeling the guilt and shame gradually over time. I am not sure if you are religious or not, but I would suggest talking to a pastor, they have good advice, and it really doesn't hurt to get to know God better, plus it is free!! You could also go to a counselor, and talk about it. The further away you push it, the harder it will be when you have to face it! Sometimes at the time, we think that it is our only option, but I know first hand that I was wrong, just because it is legal, does that make it right?? When we are in a desperate time, we will do anything to get out of our predicament! I always say that if you feel even a little bit guilty or ashamed of what you are doing, then chances are that it is wrong. It has taken me a lot of soul searching to realize that I sinned when I had my abortion, it was wrong of me, but here I am facing it, and dealing with it. It is hard some days, but I know in the end I will make it through because God has forgiven me, and I am on my road to recovery. I would encourage you to pray about it. God never lies, he will let you know if you did the right thing or not.
If you want to talk more, just e-mail me, I am always here!!
2007-11-26 19:57:09 · answer #2 · answered by stacielb06 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
As someone pointed out earlier, what is done is done so that is not really the issue. What is at issue is the guilt you are feeling as a result of the actions.
I recommend that you talk to a counselor but not just anyone. I think you need spiritual counseling. This kind of guilt is not something that can be erased by a man or women with a degree in clinical physcology. You need to feel forgiveness and the Clinical physcologist can not give that to you, only a minister or priest can.
A minister or priest would say, before you can seek forgiveness from God you must forgive yourself. Please forgive yourself, it is the only way to move forward from this.
As for leaving the babies father....THANK THE BLESSED LORD YOU LEFT. There is no telling what would have happened if you didn't. Abuse begats abuse and if he wasn;t taking his anger out on you, he might have taken it out on the child.
You are not going crazy, you are rather normal I believe.
2007-11-26 15:45:26 · answer #3 · answered by mikeae 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Abortion was not a good choice. All children are people and deserve a chance at life. Just because you can't see the child does not mean it is not a child. I was talking to a co worker recently who said she would abort if she got pregnant, then she proceeded to say "well I don't know, I mean if I have this person inside me" and I stopped her. "this person" is the key word that she used. I know it is too late now, and you can't change what you have done. If talking helps then proceed to do so but do not bash yourself into the ground, If you feel and know you have made a mistake then that is more than what some people feel. You still have a heart and you do not lack empathy. Just take some of that into the future and do the right thing this point on.
To make note that many do not know, you can take a newborn chid to an adoption agency and give the child up with no questions asked. The child would have a life and a chance that you could not provide. Killing an unborn child because of a bad situation is not a chance and is wrong, being legal does not make it right. Let another family who desires a child take on that opportunity
2007-11-26 15:21:05 · answer #4 · answered by lizards 5 · 5⤊ 4⤋
Having a lot of emotional issues after having an abortion is normal. It can cause a lot of tramatic issues in a woman especially when she gets to really thinking about it.
Whether you did the right thing or not is not up to us to decide - since it is already done you cannot go back and change the past.
The best thing to do would be to talk to a counselor or psychologist about it - or go to a local pregnancy center, they often times offer counseling for women who aborted their children and are feeling guilty about it. They will be able to help you move on with your life and have a healthy outlook for the next time that you might get pregnant.
2007-11-26 15:15:17 · answer #5 · answered by PUREfect Your Skin 5 · 6⤊ 1⤋
i may be young for this, but lets see if i can shed a light..
before my older brother and i were born (i am second oldest out of 6) and before she married our dad, my mom was in love with her boyfriend. things were good until she caught him cheating with his best friends girlfriend. he found out that she knew, and treated her like crap until they officially broke up. later she found out she was pregnant with his child.
she went to have the baby aborted because she felt that if had kept it, then her ex would still have a connection to control her and be abusive saying that without him she's nothing.( he was abusive to the girl he left her with...bad karma..) also, if she had stayed with him.. none of us 6 would have been born...because of his prefered lifestyle...
although many people have many opinions about abortion, it should be used when the pregnancy is risking the mothers life, rape, and incest. im sure that you did it because you did not want to bring up a child in an abusive, and potentially dangerous relationship. a guy that hits you once should bring up a red flag.. also, you weren't financially stable at the time, so adding a baby to the mix could make it more difficult...and if you didnt want to have a child when you're not ready, then tell him. the idiot shouldn't use that as an excuse to keep you bound..
all im saying is that you shouldnt feel guilty for doing something you felt that's right. you had an good reason why u did it...but sooner or later the truth will have to come out soon...still take your time and be ready to talk about it when you're ready. just to see the outcome...if he's sympathetic. then its cool between you guys..if he's angry...screw him, he shouldn't have treated you that way. just live your life happily with your new bf, who LOVES YOU =3...
2007-11-26 15:50:50 · answer #6 · answered by djpeachykeen06 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It doesn't really matter if it was right or wrong now, because its already done. Trust me, you aren't the first woman to feel badly about choosing abortion and you won't be the last. Try not to beat yourself up too much. I would advise talking to a counselor about it.
I would also advise NOT talking to your ex-boyfriend. You did the right thing leaving such an abusive relationship. Don't allow him back in your life AT ALL. Talking to him would only encourage him.
Also, ignore all the rude people that will tell you you are a horrible person for having an abortion. I am pro-life, but there's no reason to be mean to you. You can't change the past, but you can control the future. Good luck in all that you do.
2007-11-26 15:14:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 2⤋
You should definately talk to a counselor. This is going to stay with you for the rest of your life. You are always going to feel guilty. I had one when I was much younger too & I regret it to this day. I am now married with a son & another on the way. Even now, when I go to the Dr., they ask any abortions or miscarriages...and my past it brought back to haunt me. I know at the time, you did what you thought was right. For me, I wish I would've kept the baby. With time, it should get easier, but in the meantime, I would definately suggest talking to a counselor.
Edit-Don't forget to ask God for forgiveness. I dont know what your religious beliefs are, but this is something you can go to hell for. It IS a sin!
2007-11-26 15:34:42 · answer #8 · answered by luvmybabies 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't beat yourself up over it. You did what you felt was right at the time. There's no going back and you need to move forward. Most people on here will scold you and tell you it was wrong... that is only their opinions and do not let them bring you down. The best thing for you to do right now is to forgive yourself, talk to God about it and you will get through this. Live in the now and plan for your future.
2007-11-26 15:20:19 · answer #9 · answered by ticktock 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
yes you should talk to someone. it is such a personal choice that no one has the right to tell you what you did was wrong or right. if you felt it was right for you I'm sure it was. The situation you were in was insanely challenging and you wanted more support and stability before bringing a child into the world. it is completely understandable. but this is something that you will have to accept for yourself. you need help addressing and handling these emotions... a counsellor or psychologist can help you do that.
2007-11-26 15:22:43 · answer #10 · answered by person 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋