fights I am not allowed to talk to him. If I choose to say something, I am threatened with a divorce. What should I do? Keep in mind I am not allowed to talk to him until he deems it is time and he allows me to talk to him. This behavior has lasted up to two months or longer.
2007-11-26 07:02:08 · 38 answers · asked by shannie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
divorse him then
2007-11-26 07:04:27 · answer #1 · answered by ********* 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow, he's a psycho! Any man who is telling you you are "not allowed" to talk to him is wacko and seriously abusing you emotionally. Not allowed to talk? I cannot imagine divorce being worse! Have some guts, woman, leave him. He is much too dangerous, also, so I would go to a shelter and let them arrange the move-out for you! Wow - he's nuts! At the least you are entirely not suited for each other. You coulld be crazy and he still should not treat you that way, so I am figuring this is all on him. Is he foreign or demented? Wow. You need to talk to a lawyer and a shelter, because my guess is that he has you so controlled now, he will never see this coming. And he will freak out when he finds out you are gone. Do NOT go back to him, though, because when he settles down, he will be "all about" getting you back - so he can start abusing you again. I don't care if he never laid a harsh hand on you - he is nuts.
2007-11-26 07:12:52 · answer #2 · answered by Amy R 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What world are you in.. and are you so lonely to have a male in your life to be treated in this manor. This is not a marriage in my opinion, and you should get out ASAP, seems more like human bondage, then a 50/50 relationship. Ask yourself why you are still in this marriage, then what are you getting out of it, and last are you really happy being treated like a hostage?. I think it is your your turn to threaten him with a divorce, if he doesn't change you really need to consider your threat, and put it into full action. Remember you are a person first, and a women second and third a wife and you deserve to be treated as such. Maybe he pick these convenient fights for a reason, take heed.
2007-11-26 09:11:04 · answer #3 · answered by carmel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a shame that you have been put through this for so many years. This is a classic form of emotional and mental abuse which you no doubt already know. The question you have to ask yourself is how much longer will you put up with it. There are steps that you can take if you haven't already, such as marital counselling. If your husband is not interested in such a thing, you may go yourself. It often helps just to talk to someone who is emotionally detached from the situation, unlike friends or family. This person can help you come to terms with what you are dealing with. Secondly, it might be worthwhile to consult with a lawyer. If that is out of your financial budget, there are free legal services available in your region. It would appear that he is holding the threat of divorce over your head as a tool to manipulate you. By seeking out your own legal advice you can take the power back into your own hands and away from him. I am not necessarily suggesting that you see the lawyer to file for divorce but rather to find out what YOUR rights are.
In regards to your husbands behaviour,there is very little chance that your husband will change his ways. It is not impossible of course but to quote an old phrase " A leopard doesn't change its spots" I think what you need to do is to decide what is best for you and your children, if you have any of course.As I stated before, he is an abuser, and although the marks he leaves on you are not visible, they are very much a part of you. This can't be helpful to your self esteem. As well, his behaviour affects the children. Children view the dynamics in their households as being correct, even when they are skewed and distorted. They continue the patterns that they grew up within their own families when they live with someone or after they marry.So, it is up to you to decide if your husbands attitudes and actions are something that you wish to imprint on your children as appropriate behaviour.
Finally, if you decide that you want to leave your husband, surround yourself with people who are supportive of what you are doing. Do not listen to the naysayers and those who will try to sway you from your chosen path. A decision like this is very personal and your needs and wishes must take precedence over what other people would like.
Best of luck to you,
2007-11-26 07:32:06 · answer #4 · answered by jackie v 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Four times a year you husband gets fed up with not being able to finish a sentence without you interrupting. He finally breaks down and demands a conversation where he is able to finish his statements to completion.
Maybe if you gave him this opportunity throughout the rest of the year, he would not have these seasonal explosions. He might even have less to be upset about.
2007-11-26 07:20:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
That sounds incredibly emotionally and verbally abusive, and he sounds like an immature whiny brat. You're not "allowed" to talk to him. Does he lay down on the floor kicking, crying and screaming, too? If he's going to be like that, maybe a divorce wouldn't be that bad of a thing.
Get counseling. One for you individually to examine why you would tolerate somebody treating you like that, and one for the two of you as a couple.
2007-11-26 07:06:31 · answer #6 · answered by Allison L 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It seems that he is overly controlling. I would start preparing for a divorce. Remember it is the first person who makes a move that benifits in a divorce. Hire a lawyer and get his/her advice. Really, do you want to continue being married to someone who treats you like this? You deserve to be treated with love and respect and this is neither.
2007-11-26 07:08:37 · answer #7 · answered by Einstein 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he threatens you with divorce, grab your keys, jump in the car and head to the court house. See how fast he changes his tune. And if not? What have you lost? A controlling husband? Not so much of a lose to me. Good luck!
2007-11-26 07:06:20 · answer #8 · answered by MayMay 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
How in the h e l l do you put up with that for 12 freakin years?? That is emotional abuse. He does it just to show you he has control over you. You need to flip the tables, and divorce him. That'll shut him up for a change.
2007-11-26 07:22:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
marriage is so grand. just do your thing you give him too much control by letting his childish behavior bother you . as soon as you are not aloud to speak do all the things you have been wanting to outside the home go to the gym, get together with the girls, go to a craft show what ever leave him to be miserable to him self and if he does divorce you take him for all hes got. : )
2007-11-26 07:09:06 · answer #10 · answered by oncebtn 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should get a backbone. He's not going to divorce you, he is using that because it works. You obviously think you deserve this treatment. When you start thinking higher of yourself and get a backbone you will put your foot down and demand respect. He is treating you the way you're allowing him to treat you.
2007-11-26 07:11:56 · answer #11 · answered by KSR 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋