11 year old bedwetter!!!!! Help!!!!!!!?

Question

I have an 11 year old daughter that still wets the bed. She has been to specialist after specialist and the only thing i get is "she will grow out of it when she hits puberty". She does get UTI's sometimes but they are starting to get fewer. The Dr's have ran tests and there is nothing physically wrong with her except that she holds her urine too long and her bladder "overflows". As for the UTI's she wears cotten panties, no baths, goes to the bathroom every 2 hours, limited drink intake before bed, no sodas, and low sugar. We do everything the dr tells us to do and she still has a problem! I know there s meds out there that controls this type of thing and that there are other people out there with this same problem. Can anyone please provide me with some info? Or maybe just some words of encouragement because the laundry soap and sheets and cloths are really starting to add up over the years!!!!

this add on is in reference to the "book" one of my responders wrote. I'm not stupid!!!! so quit talking to me like i'm a 2 year old. I undrstand this problem and love my daughter very much that is why i'm trying to help her! the dr's are not wanting to help her, and i know there is something that can be done. as for the no baths thing every dr told us not to give her a bath just stick to showers. i didnt mean that she doesnt get bathed!!!!! school work is like any other 5th grader, mostly good grades a few slips here and there but for the most part they are good. she comes from a very loving family and this family is wanting to help her. so forgive me when i feel attacked!!!! i dont appriciate being told that her bedwetting is my fault. i am doing all that i can and was wanting some helpfull advice, not someone telling me that i am doing everything wrong. especially from someone that doesnt live here! i'm sorry u were abused as a child, that is NOT the case for everyone else!

Answer 1

My daughter is 11 and in this exact situation. We just use Goodnights, and don't make a big deal about it. The bigger issue you make of it, the more embarrassed and ashamed she will feel (even if you don't say it to her directly, she will be able to feel the tension).

My daughter was sexually abused as a young child, and has a relatively low IQ (73). She sleeps very soundly, so she has accidents almost every time she sleeps - whether it is in the car, in bed, etc. We have tried the meds, we have tried waking her up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, we have bought her a watch that vibrates every 2 hours to remind her to use the bathroom, we have talked to her teachers to make sure she's able to leave the room whenever she needs to go (she doesn't realize it until it's almost too late). Nothing has helped so far.

We had to decide: what's more important, her self-esteem (which is already very low); or her comfort and security? We decided for comfort and security, so we let go of the anxiety over bedwetting (she used to have accidents during the day, but they stopped after she moved in with us for an adoptive placement). We appreciate what she CAN do, not this little inconvenience. We don't shame her by having her sleep in wet sheets - the Goodnights come in a size large enough for her. She is thrilled when she comes to me and whispers, "I dry last night".

Take a break from the stress, and give her a break as well. This is actually not as uncommon as many people think. There are lots of reasons this happens - most of the time her body just isn't maturing enough to "hold it" - sometimes the psychological trauma of abuse will cause her to unconsciously want to be too smelly so no one will come near her while she is sleeping. Sometimes she just holds it so long for so many years that she doesn't recognize the "signs" of having to "go", and could be a very sound sleeper.

I also learned that her bowels were not regular, so she also takes a mild laxative. If she is in pain over going (constipated), she will hold it even longer. I didn't realize about the constipation, but the laxative (Miralax - now it is ove the counter) has helped.

Hang in there and concentrate on everything that she CAN do!

Answer 2

My brother was 16 years old before he stopped wetting the bed. His children are the same way. However, a friend of mine, her little girl is 10 and she wets the bed at night and she started wetting during the day as well, all worried, she took her to the Dr. and the Dr. gave her a nasal spray and ever since she started using it she has never wet on herself again. I don't remember the name of it but suppose you could ask your Dr. Just be patient and remember not to complain or anything in front of her because I'm sure she is embarrassed enough. Also talk to her and let her know that it's not her fault.

Answer 3

My brother wet the bed for a long time....it is actually quite normal.

His doctor gave him the "buzzer". The actual noise making part velcroed to his undies. It had two skinny wires that attached at the crotch of his underwear with a little metal snap. When he peed the water completed the circuit and made a loud alarm clock-like noise. It helped his body equate the urge to pee with waking up. He was cured in a matter of days. Ask the doc, it was a simple little contraption that worked wonders.

Answer 4

ok, calm down a little. there are thousands of kids that wet the bed, even into their teen years. if you have been to more than one doctor and they all say the same thing, then listen to them. she will out grow it, but getting upset at her will not help. all that does is put more stress on your daughter, and stress makes bed wetting worse.

buy her some goodnites pants so that she doesn't have to wake up in a wet bed every day and have to change the sheets. it will cut down on the stress and help both of you.
you can also look at www.goodnites.com for more information on bedwetting, they have resources for both parents and kids.

Answer 5

I'am not sure what to say for the medical but for the messy
part get her pull-ups for bed.

Answer 6

Well some do. It's rare but try putting her on a fruit diet so she has her 5 a day. Make sure she doesn't drink soda's alcohol or dilutes. Keep her to water or fresh fruit drinks. It should help.

Answer 7

Why don't you try these links

http://www.stopbedwetting.co.uk/

http://www.nytone.com/medicallyproven.html

http://www.stopwetting.com/Bruxism.htm

I hope this helps you!!

Answer 8

try here more common than you would think http://www.goodnites.com/na/Default.aspx

Answer 9

First of all, calm down, and get off your daughter's back !!!! I am a survivor of YEARS of abuse myself, because I was an enuretic ( the medical name for the condition your daughter suffers from is enuresis) from the time I was eleven until I was 16 years old !!! I know, from bitter first hand personal experience, what your daughter is facing and dealing with. You are reacting the way many if not most parents react, and it isn't doing your daughter one ounce of good. Her life has already been turned upside down by this condition, and your attitude is only making things worse, NOT better. My own mother reacted the way you are reacting, and it made MY LIFE a LIVING HELL. I never forgave her for some of it, and even now, decades later, I still have problems trusting her at least some of the time. Do you want this to happen with your daughter? Do you want to have a daughter who feels as though you are her worst enemy, someone she couldn't trust if her life depended on it? That's what happened to me, at least to a degree, and it's why I am warning you to back off and leave her alone before it's too late. Don't make my mother's mistake- you will REALLY REGRET it later, believe me.

Before I share my own knowledge about how you can help your daughter, I want to pass on what I have learned through my own research on the subject. Enuresis, or bedwetting, occurs in 2 forms- nocturnal and diurnal ( or during the daylight hours) and is normally not diagnosed in children under the age of 4. When children older than this age have this condition, it is almost always HEREDITARY. The reason your daughter wets the bed at her age is because someone in her ancestry was also a bedwetter as a child- and if it is not you or your husband, then go back a generation to her grandparents on both sides of the family. Look at the medical histories of your own and your husband's siblings as well- if you don't have it, and he didn't have it, but it appears in one of your brothers or sisters, or his brothers or sisters, then you know the condition runs in the family. In the fall of 1995, researchers working at the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor isolated and identified one of the three genes which are known to cause enuresis, and the hunt is on to find the other two. This first one causes the condition about a third of the time, and chances are, either you or your husband ( or perhaps both of you) are carriers of one or more of the enuresis genes. Your daughter inherited these genes from you at conception- and she has NO control whatever over what turns the genes on or off. NO VICTIM of this condition does- bedwetting is NOT YOUR DAUGHTER'S FAULT. That's part of the mistake my mother made with me- she blamed me for something over which I had zero control, and it really hurt me and damaged our relationship. She couldn't see, as you can't see now, that what was happening was beyond my control, just as it is beyond your daughter's control.

Another point to be aware of on this subject is that enuresis is triggered and fueled by stress, both physical and emotional. Stress turns the genes on, that much is clear, and it makes enuresis more likely to occur. It's great that you have had your daughter treated for the UTI's she has had, though why she keeps having these infections is not clear, and it is something which warrants further medical investigation. Children your daughter's age normally develop UTI's only very rarely, which makes me suspect that your daughter may have another medical problem which is contributing to the enuresis and to the UTI's. Have you had her tested for diabetes? One of the symptoms of diabetes is excessive thirst and frequent urination, and it sounds as though your daughter may be showing both of these symptoms to some degree. Frequent infections are another symptom of this condition- and at her age, your daughter shouldn't be getting so many UTI's. She isn't old enough to be sexually active yet, so I doubt that this has anything to do with her condition, but you really need to get this investigated. In addition to diabetes testing, ask your pediatrician to evaluate your daughter for sleep apnea or another breathing/sleep disorder. Sleep apnea is associated with enuresis in adults ( that's right, the condition isn't limited just to children) and left untreated, it can sometimes be life-threatening. When a person with sleep apnea stops breathing, control of the voluntary muscles ( including those which control the bladder) is sometimes lost, and bedwetting is the result. It may be that your daughter will have to have a sleep study done to determine if she has this disorder or not. If she is found to have it, there are many treatments available for it, including the wearing of a mask which keeps her airway open, to surgery to remove her tonsils and adenoids if they are swollen and blocking her respiratory system. Lastly, I think that an evaluation by a psychologist or psychiatrist is in order to rule out emotional or mood disorders which may be contributing to the enuresis. Children can suffer from depression and anxiety disorders, just as adults can, and in fact, they are more vulnerable to them because their brains are still developing. There may be something in your daughter's life that is really bothering her, but she may be afraid to come to you and talk about it, or perhaps she has gotten ( or been told) the message that opening up about her problems is wrong. At eleven years old, she may be worried about the changes she is beginning to experience in her body, or there may be something else bothering her, such as a possible episode of sexual or physical abuse. That is also something which must be looked into, and treated if necessary. You need to examine your OWN life and relationships- is your marriage in good shape, or are you and your husband fighting a lot ? If the latter is true, then counseling may be in order for you as well. Has someone your daughter loved recently died ( and this includes pets, incidentally) or moved away? How is your daughter doing in school- is she having problems with her schoolwork, her teachers, or with other kids? Is she being bullied at school? What are her grades like, and what were they like before this started? Is there any chance your daughter could have a learning disorder, such as dyslexia ? Finding the answers to all of these questions will take time, but it will be worth it, because it may give you the reasons why the enuresis keeps happening, and some insight into how to help your daughter get it under control.

Now, with this said, on to practical matters. First of all, I should mention that there are indeed medications on the market which will treat this condition, and one of them has already been mentioned by one of the other writers. It is a nasal spray which will stop enuresis in its tracks. I don't know precisely what the name of the medication is- but your pediatrician and pharmacist will. I do know, however, that it has minimal side effects, and that it is normally used right before the patient goes to sleep. Most of the other things you have been doing are good ways to help your daughter, but I have a few suggestions of my own, which are based on my own experience with this condition. First, stop forcing your daughter to use the restroom every 2 hours. That is not helping either of you, and it eventually is going to turn into a real bone of contention between you, if indeed it hasn't already done so. Just be sure to set a reasonable limit on her fluid intake ( say, no liquids after 8 pm, or after dinner, with the exception of a small amount- no more than half a cup- for her to brush her teeth in before she goes to bed) and require her to use the toilet before she gets in bed. Another thing is that you need to set a consistent bedtime, and establish a regular bedtime routine for her to follow every night. You also need to teach your daughter how to change her own sheets and mattress pad, as well as how to wash them. At her age, she should be making her own bed every morning anyway- I started making mine when I was only 9, and she is more than old enough to learn the same lesson I did. Doing this will make her feel a lot less helpless, and will give her a sense of control over what is going on, which in turn may help reduce her stress level. Since enuresis is triggered by stress, this may also help to reduce the number of bedwetting incidents. Lastly, you need to take some practical steps to protect the mattress your daughter is sleeping on, unless you want to buy her a new one every couple of years. Nowadays, there are waterproof mattress covers available which will fit almost any size or type of mattress- and notice that I did NOT say they are rubber sheets. These mattress covers are made of a vinyl material on the bottom, and are quilted on top for warmth and comfort. Unlike old fashioned rubber sheets, the newer ones do not rattle around, and they look like an ordinary mattress cover, which is a great plus to someone your daughter's age. It means that she can have her friends over and have slumber parties without worrying about her friends finding out she's an enuretic. I would invest in at LEAST two of these covers, and three would not be a bad idea. Some of the covers are also thermo ( heat) retentive, which is another big plus for comfort in the winter months. No one I know likes to be on a mattress that is not only wet, but cold as well, and the thermo-retentive covers help prevent this, which in turn may also help keep your daughter from getting chilled and sick with colds and flu this winter. Also, get several sets of sheets for your daughter's bed, so that there will always be clean ones available in case of a problem. Show your daughter where they are kept- she needs to know this in order to be able to help herself. All of the other things you have been doing are good things- eliminating sodas is an excellent idea, because most sodas contain caffeine, which stimulates the nerves of the bladder, and can cause bedwetting all by itself. Your daughter should be allowed to bathe daily, especially when she has had an episode of enuresis the previous evening. I don't what the story is with this no baths thing- bathing will keep her skin clean and prevent unpleasant odors, and this is important at your daughter's age. If she goes to school smelling like urine, her classmates are going to tease her, and moreover, it isn't going to be long before you are going to get phone calls from her teachers, the principal, and possibly someone from Social Services or child welfare. If your daughter can't take tub baths during her infections, ask the doctor if she can shower instead- she is more than old enough to take showers on her own. Another thing you can do is have your little girl drink cranberry juice when she has infections- and even when she doesn't. Cranberries contain a natural antibiotic, and this is a therapy which is frequently recommended to adults who get UTI's.

Finally, I want to close by saying take heart, this won't last forever. Your doctors are right when they say she will eventually outgrow the condition- that's what happened to me, and no, I didn't outgrow it when puberty hit. THAT part of what they say is something I would take with a grain of salt, because it may or may not be true. Also, keep in mind that your daughter is NOT ALONE. There are MILLIONS of children who suffer from enuresis in the United States alone-it's estimated that one child in five will experience the condition before they turn eighteen. There are also many famous people, including celebrities, who were bedwetters as kids- one of my favorites was the late actor Michael Landon. Enuresis is also not strictly a condition of childhood- it currently effects between three and five percent of the ADULT population, and people who were enuretics as kids can re-experience the condition as adults, though this is very rare.

Good luck to you and your daughter, and I hope I have helped you out some.

PS: I wasn't attempting to attack you- I was merely pointing out what I have learned through my own painful experiences with this disorder. I was NOT lying or exaggerating when I said I was an enuretic for 5 years. IT'S TRUE. I urge you to get your daughter tested for diabetes and evaluated for sleep apnea. Both of these conditions can cause and contribute to enuresis, and the condition IS HEREDITARY. The reason your little girl wets her bed is because someone in her ancestry passed the genes which cause enuresis on to her when she was conceived. THAT DOES NOT MEAN I AM BLAMING YOU FOR IT. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, OR YOUR HUSBAND'S FAULT, IF ONE OR BOTH OF YOU CARRY THE ENURESIS GENES. YOU DIDN'T CHOOSE THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF YOUR OWN BIRTH, ANYMORE THAN YOUR DAUGHTER DID, and UNTIL YOU RECOGNIZE, as I did, that this condition is genetic and hereditary, then your situation and hers will not get better. NONE OF US ever choose when or where we get conceived, or to what parents we are born- that is chosen for us. TO BLAME a person for something like this, which they can't control, is as bad as racism or bigotry in its own way, or like blaming that person because it is raining outside and you don't like it. Look, ma'm, I got blamed too- my mother treated me as though this was my fault for years, and I also got hit with a wide variety of objects every time I wet the bed for 5 years straight. NOT ONLY DID THIS NOT SOLVE THE PROBLEM, IT ACTUALLY MADE IT WORSE !!! The only thing my mother suceeded in doing was to teach me to hate her- and there is a piece of me that still does, because of the abuse. When I saw your question last night, I wrote my response out of a genuine desire to try to help you avoid making the same tragic mistakes with your little girl that my mother made with me. Get your little girl tested for the conditions I mentioned- more than ever, I really think she could have diabetes, because she is getting WAY TOO MANY UTI's for someone her age. Infections like this, and slow healing of wounds, and excessive urination and thirst are ALL symptoms of diabetes, and your daughter may need to be on insulin. Sleep apnea is a condition which can KILL if it is not treated- there has been more than one death from it, and it is associated with enuresis in adults. Enuresis is nothing to be ashamed of- it is a treatable problem that affects millions of people. It took me years to learn that lesson, but when it finally sank in, it was a great relief. I still remember the day when I heard that the researchers had discovered one of the enuresis genes- I heard about that from a radio news broadcast shortly after the discovery was made ( I lived and worked in Michigan at the time the work was done) and I had to pull my car over to the side of the road because I was CRYING from it. After all the years of abuse I endured from my mother, hearing that the condition was NOT my fault was a huge thing for me. I don't want your little girl to grow up feeling the same horrible pain that I did- no child ever deserves that. I could tell you other stories too, about the horror that my father, who passed the genes on to me, endured as a young man in his 20's. He was an enuretic too, and it almost led to his being thrown out of the military because of the condition. Was it his fault? Of course not, but he was blamed for it, punished for it, and called antisocial, retarded, and abused in other ways nonetheless. Do you think that experience helped him? I doubt it. Our society and culture has only recently begun to accept the idea that bedwetting is not necessarily a sign of antisocial behavior- but it took decades for this to happen, and meanwhile, millions of kids, like me and like your little girl, suffered enormously in the meantime. Do you think that your daughter is not embarrassed and ashamed of what is happening? I know otherwise. I used to think I was the only person in the world that had this problem, and I can well imagine that your daughter probably feels that way herself at times. My only goal was to help you both, NOT to play the blame game. I know this is no one's fault.