Alcoholic dad affecting my life...?

Question

Ive grown up with an alcoholic dad.... now I'm married and have a wonderful husband who drinks every weekend...not excessively, but I cringe by habit when I hear a drink being poured. This is starting to affect our relationship becoz, I've started telling him not to drink every weekend and my husband insists it's not too much and that's it's just to relax.

I went through hell with my dad...seen him start from one or two drinks and over the years increase to 6 and 7 and all the time insisting he's not an alcoholic. Now, I'm scarred my husband will progress into that...it's a natural fear. How do I:

a) get over this
b) tell my husband about my dad...do I? I don't want him to think badly about him or not respect him anymore becoz he is a nice man without the bottle.

What do I do? I want to tell him everything (we don't have any secrets from each other), but I don't want it to affect our married life... our extended family is also very important to us...

Thanks..

Answer 1

Of course you have to share this with him. It's scary because you're assuming the worst. A couple drinks on the weekend is okay for most people.
Share this with him. Tell him your fears, and then... get some counselling for yourself to help you deal with this. It is real. Very real. You need to help yourself and not assume everyone who has a few drinks will end up drunk and disgusting the way your dad did You will feel this burden lift as you deal with it.
Good Luck

Answer 2

I was raised by my single alcoholic father. he drank from the time I was 3 until I was 16. he drank 12-18 beers a day EVERYDAY. I am 30 and for the first time EVER I am dating a non-alcoholic. I understand how this can affect you, whether you want it to or not.

I don't understand why you haven't talked to your husband about your dad? He should know and he SHOULD want to know why this is bothering you so much. He may cut back if you explain how you have been affected. If he is a mature and sensitive man he won't judge your father but try to understand the illness and support you.

My bf knows all about my dad. I have panic attacks now as an adult if I am in a situation that involved binge adult drinking. We drive seperate from people who get out of control and he will leave whenever I want if I feel nervous. I think he also watches his drinking around me so that I'm comfortable. TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND! Even if he drinks still every weekend, he may cut down and you may feel better just talking about it, getting that monkey off your back. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Hi there.
I think we are all products of our genes and our environment.
If you grew up with an alcoholic dad, you will have issues you need to share with your husband. This was not your fault; yet you are permanently scarred by it.

Alcoholism is a disease. And unfortunately we can do nothing to help an alcoholic get better or stop drinking...He/she needs to be convinced that they have a serious problem and also have to want to be helped.
We cannot force others to change, honey.

I guess you should tell your husband about your fears, so he will be able to understand your anxiety and why you are so stressed out when he drinks. (While your husband is NOT your dad, your subconscious mind is scared of this and it is not a pleasant situation for you.)

Hopefully, your husband's drinking will not get worse over time; but you should look for help so you can deal with this better.

Perhaps going to counseling and finding more info. about how to deal with this problem can be of assistance.
Good luck......You will be in my prayers.

Answer 4

I'm sorry your father is an alcoholic and has not been a positive part of your life, however, you can't use him as an excuse for your own behaviour. You need to talk to your mother and be honest about the mistake you have made and your suicidal thoughts/intentions. Also consider speaking to a school counsellor and/or the Samaritans. You are responsible for your choices, no one else

Answer 5

How do they act when drinking you must ask yourself. Violent or Nonviolent. Sounds like your husband is getting a little carried away at the house with flying objects. Sit down and have a talk with him this evening about slowing down and how drinking could affect your relationship as it did in your past with your father. Say this in a nice tone.

Answer 6

consider going to meetings of children of Alcoholics and Alanon. They will both help you heal. No one should be telling you what to do, nor will they judge you as they are there for the same reasons. The 12 steps are a wonderful way to live even if you have no problems. You may not get what you want, but it can't hurt, and may end up helping.

Answer 7

Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. A true alcoholic is going to drink during the week as well. Hope things work out.

Answer 8

I'm so sorry you had a a horrible up bringing, you should tell your husband of what you've been through as a child and you have bad memories about it..
good luck

Answer 9

first

Your husband is not your father

second

you are taking your past experiences and projecting them into the future and when you do that you will experience the past again

I think that you should explain to your husband about your experiences as a child and how certain behavior triggers those fears

then try to understand that your husband is not your father

here's a book for you to read

Become a Better You
"Joel Osteen"

Answer 10

Choice C.

C. Go to an Al-anon meeting, find a sponsor, follow her suggestions, and work the steps.

Good luck.