My Fiancee' thinks that I should be friends with her Mother. Should I?

Question

Here's the thing.. Her Mother has no respect for me or my Home.. Her mother is also only 10 years older than I and I 10 years older than my fiancee'. By this her mother thinks she can talk to me like a child , and curse me out and say disrespectful things to me and I not retalliate.
What I mean by that is that I have hung up on her mom in the past . I have asked her not to come over my home if she cant speak to me when entering my home. And I do not respect the fact that she tries to hook her daughter up with other men. Now her mom is only doing this because I am the first man ever to not care about her opinion and Per, My fiancee' the men in the past have done things to make her mother happy.. I say Bump that! So as a result her mother do not like me.. and I dont like her. She has done awfull things to my Fiancee that I know about and although that's her mom. I say feed her with a long handle spoon. And since shes not my mom I don have to be around her. My girl says im being mean.

In addition I have never disrespect her mom out right. Its always been me speaking up for myself.. the last time was when I asked her not to call my home harassing my fiancee's upsetting her. She cursed me out call me all types of names. I never said a word other than the phone hangin up on her.

My Fiancee wants me to apologize to her mom!! For what.. I say my fiancee has major growing up to do.. Besides that if I apologize for her moms antics.. she would continue them.. So What I did.. was say Bump Both of them.. Miss me with that madness cause I will never ever say a word to her mother until she acknowledges that she was wrong and apologize to me. in which than I will forgive her and move on BUT STILL FEED HER WITH A LONG HANDLE SPOON. come on now.. she want's me to apologize to the same woman that got her kicked out of a major university, stole her tax return check and claim our child, and disrespects her daughters fiancee' by words and Hook up's behind my back...

I know yall feel me?

so sincere is right.. her mom once met me over the phone first when me and her daughter was dating and we talked for 3 1/2 hrs.. and she asked why cant she meet a man like me and how did her daughter find someone like me.. I was like whoa..

But this was before she found out that I was the same guy the hung up in her face the very first time I called to speak with her daughter.. Moms was straigth grillin me and I was like unless your daughter is a minor I dont have to answer 21 questions.. hell I didntn even know I would be with this woman 4 1/2 years later .. lol I was 27 than.. too.. but I think Her moms Like me... she sure do date guys my age.. in respect. she can do it cause her moms is attractive and tall.. so she gets points .. but her attitude toward men is real nasty and thats why shes single.. and she tries to have her daughter treat me the same way.. but baby does the opposite besides this situation.. I have to say that..

And she always put her daughter down.. calling her whores and even told me that I should dump her cause she's no good...

Now I ask you again.. Besides that I have forgiven her moms and she still acts up!!

This woman even called my parents home 10 pm to complain about me being rude to her over the phone hanging up.. My mom who is 14 years older than her moms was like my son is 30 years old with his own home.. why are you calling my house? LMAO.. my girls moms is crazy.. lol

Answer 1

dam*, I feel you on this one...

hard thing it is to be stuck in the middle of your significant other and an unwelcoming parent...

I think, as an individual, it's always important to stand up for yourself and your beliefs, and not let anyone disrespect you. Although, with that being said, regardless of the age difference between the two of you, it is still her mother and you intend on spending the rest of your life with her, yes? Therefore this lady will always be around and part of your lives.. The best advice I can offer you is to be the bigger person (so to speak) and let her know 'I respect you because you are the mother of the woman I love. I intend to be part of her life forever and I think we need to bury the ill feelings between us in order to get along for her sake'

Give it your best shot, if she is relentless in her pursuit of making you miserable aftwerwards, at least you put your best foot forward and tried all you could..

my intuition tells me her mother may have something for you, herself and maybe that is why she is so bitter and hostile towards you.. I wouldn't act on it tho, just keep it in mind.

Best of luck dear..

*edit*
your girls' moms is jealous of her. plain and simple.. i know the type and from what you;ve said she fits it like a glove. She had her daughter when she was young, and I'm guessing she never really grew up all the way.. now that her daughter is grown and out the house she wants to be that age again.. I'm guessing your girl and her moms always had more of a sisterly or friend-type relationship more than a mother-daughter. She's bored and unhappy with her life and whre it took her and she's a bit bitter.. Misery loves company and she's inviting the two of you to join..

fake a smile when you have to, pay her no mind, and eventually, she'll have no choice but to move on and find someone else to bother. There is a small chance that is you put her in her place she might back-off, but that could just make things worse too.

Good luck.. again!

Answer 2

Fabey jay would use the same method that i would or i would just look at her crazy and leave it be.But!!!!! i do think that you should try and have a better relationship with your lady's mom. Be the better one and ask what would make her happy or what is it that you could do to make you guys have a better relationship. Although, i can undertand your problem cause i have been there but at the end of the day there is always a solution, and if i was in your fiance's situation i would feel weird if my man and my moms are always going at it.

Answer 3

The question was "Should I be friends with my fiancee's mother? THe answer is.... Yes, if you want to continue the relationship with your fiancee and for it to be a healthy and peaceful one. Regardless of what you think of the nut case, she gave birth to the woman you are involved with. She deserves respect for that reason alone. Aside from that, she has to earn the respect. And visa versa......

The one thing that you wrote that made me happy was that you do have your own home and aren't trying to live with the girl's mother. That scored big points with me. I do not have any tolerance for a man that wants to be lazy and lay around his m-i-l's home and not work. This is what my DD's fiance is doing. Or trying to.... And it just ticks me off and we end up going to war with each other. I'm under no obligation, whatsoever, to support him or to even help him. But he's always there looking for it..... I'm also not legally obligated to give my DD and her baby a place to live.... But I do it. Because I love them.... But it always leads to fighting. So! IMHO, I think the less you see of your girl's mother the better off you all three will be. Let her deal with her mother and you try to avoid her at all cost. Good luck, dude. IT really sounds like you're gonna need it.

Answer 4

What a witch.Don't give in .Tell your fiance that you can except her mom because well she's just that her mom,and,to keep peace between you and your fiance,but,what goes around comes around.The future monster in law will get what she gives.Throw her out of your home every time she gets disrespectful.Tell her you would rather get along and until she can be repectful to you and your feelings its your way or the highway.YOU ARE NOT BEING MEAN.Nip it in the bud now

Answer 5

I don't think you need to like her but you do need to respect her as hard as that my sound, I would try out of respect for your future wife. This women is going to be in your life so try to make the best of it. I would just let her act like an a** and a witch. Just don't let her know she is getting to you.She just likes the attention she gets from you when she acts out. Good luck.

Answer 6

Sounds like she needs to be an ex-fiance.

She is taking HER MOM's side and NOT YOURS

That should be a HUGE RED FLAG.

Sorry, but she still has apron strings attached to her by her mom.

Answer 7

You don't have to be friends with her but you do need to get along. It sounds like you both have strong personalities but if you are going to get married, I would advise scheduling a time for the two of you to sit down and agree to disagree. You don't have to like eachother but you should call a cease-fire for the well-being of all involved.

Answer 8

WOW!!! I'm with you on this...you don't have to be friends with her...her mom needs someone to knock her aside her head cause she is too old for that and she's probably jealous of her daughter cause she see that she has someone that cares for her and will do anything...anything but be friends with mom dukes.....

Answer 9

I think your girlfriend needs to have a talk with her mom and tell her straight up that she needs to respect you and your relationship with each other.

I would never let my family talk to my husband like that.

I certainly would not put up with that either.

Answer 10

You must really love this girl to put up with all of that.
Sounds like her mom has a power over her that you may not be able to compete with. IDK.