Is staying married worth it?

Question

I'm 43 y.o. - married 19 yr- 5 awesome kids! My wife and I haven't had sex in 2 yr much resentment. Love is gone. I own a business make $500,000 + she's a homemaker. We own all the "good - material" things - large house, cars. I was brought up poor - could take it or leave it / she brought up with $$. She spends $ faster than I can keep up. She doesn't spend on herself but the house, kids, etc. Her whole life revolves around spending money and working around the house. I don't feel comfortable sitting down in my house because my wife wants me working when I'm home. She complains the kids overwhelm her although all are in school all day. I used to run around like a chicken w/o a head trying to do everything to pls her - nothing seemed good enough - I'm not a handyman but p/u, do dishes, clean and keep the kids away from her. She won't do counseling. I've stopped being helpfuI. can't live this way but want to be w/ my kids. wife also makes enemies & will make things nasty for me / kids

Answer 1

To stay in a loveless marriage doesn't do you any favors nor does it give your kids a realistic image of what a married couple should be like.

Answer 2

It seems that your wife needs something to do besides spend money... Maybe a part-time job where she can connect with her peers and have fun or maybe volunteer for an organization.. She has too much idle time.. Housework/kids can only be done so much... Or maybe some classes to keep her mind occupied.. .Her excessive spending is NOT healthy. It's good that you love your family.. I would suggest that maybe she seek some professional help.. Just her- that way she can talk about how she feels to a totally free/neutral party. Then in time maybe the two of you could seek marriage counseling.. I would also "budget' money/spending.. Open up accounts for the children and possibly a private account for yourself in case things don't work out.. I'm sure since she is a homemaker she won't divorce you but, you never know...

As far as no sex.. That's a big problem that the two of you need to discuss alone and in private... Ask her why and what you can do to make things better.... Good luck

Answer 3

I'd like to believe so. You have built a life with this woman for 19 years and your kids that you share. You made a vow you both need to try to work things out. It sounds like your wife needs a bit of love right now and a break from the kids. Why don't you just surprise her with a special night for the two of you. Go and get a couple massage and take her out for dinner. Don't bring up the issues just show her love. It will be returned to you. It sounds like with 5 kids you don't have alot of together time and are growing apart because of the maddness.

I don't think divorce is the answer. It may seem like the grass would be greener but do you really want your kids calling another man daddy. It's not what it may seem like and there are alot of other complications to being divorced.

You need to try to re-connect with her. Tell her that you are feeling distant and that the two of you need to come together as team once again. She also needs to start repecting your feelings it terms of the money that is being spent. It sounds like you do care about the money she spends as much as you say you could care less if you had it or not. The two of you should have a budget as to expenses including what is spent on the kids.

Your wife sounds like she doesn't feel appreciated for the things she does. Staying at home is not the same as going to work there isn't coworkers to say good job done. Give her compliments telling her what a great job she does. Appreciate her. You should be able to have down time too. You choose to work outside he home while she raised the kids at home. Your job ends at 5 hers is 24 hours. Yes it's great that you help out when you come home so don't stop that just realize that she also needs down time.

Answer 4

Well, if she refuses counseling, then that speaks volumes on how much she values you and the relationship. It seems like you're the only one willing to make it work----that's not fair. You have to really think about the quality of your life and what you want. You're still pretty young. Financially, if you get divorced, you could stand to lose quite a bit. Your best course of action is to just make an appoinment with an attorney to discuss what things would look like for you financially if you did get divorce. Getting that information could help you sort things out and will give you the tools you need to make wise decisions. Good luck.

Answer 5

You make a half million a year and still can't get a hold of your home life??? Okay, get two checking accounts. . .one with her name on it and one without her name on it and take control of the finances so she CAN'T spend endlessly. Simply tell her you work all day and you need to relax when you come home. You make enough money that you could have Merry Maids come in once or twice a week, so you shouldn't have to do all the housework when you come home.

If you don't want to stay married then consult a divorce attorney and get your ducks in a row, but realize that she will probably get child support AND alimony because she's stayed home all these years. So it might be better to get your affairs in order at home and quite letting her run you over.

Answer 6

I am truly sorry for your mental abuse.Just make her leave.You might as well do it.But she will probably take you to the cleaners.If she has always been 100% ddependent on you and has never worked,she'll probably get the best of you.But she more than likely won't end up with the kids because she can't support them.Why don't you cut her off from the money.She can't stop you from doing your own bank account.She will eventually run out of what ever money you leave in your joint acc.Then maybe you could suggest her getting a job and spend her own money

Answer 7

Dont' stay together just for the kids, seen it NOT work personally in my life like 5 times. Me included. You can have a loving relationship with your kids and not the wife. The kids are going to know sooner or later what is going on and them watching you fight is not good for anyone. If you're not happy, get out, try to find happiness and be there for your kids, if you're not feeling your wife anymore, at least be there for your kids. They need you the most.

Answer 8

Tough situation. The good news is that you are still young so remarrying is not out of the question. Yet, you have five kids and will have to pay alimony etc.

It's better to stay married unless things become abusive--physical or mental. Go get a massage every once in awhile and take breaks with the guys.

Answer 9

how fo you feel?

do you want to stay in a marriage like what you just describe? sometimes the best thing to do is let go. what is the point of making money and having your own business if you don't even have time to enjoy all of your success. you deserve to be happy.

on the other hand, maybe you can perhaps try to convince your wife again to go to counseling. perhaps giving it another try won't hurt. marriage does take work and effort.

i'm sorry i can't really help but good luck. REMEMBER, you deserve happiness.

Answer 10

You will only make yourself and your kids more miserable by putiing on the good face. She can only get so much of what you have.

I think you realize happiness is about more than money. Eventually she will have nothing and you will have a new life with all the things that make you happy, ie. kids, friends (loyal), etc.. She might make you miserable at first with threats, but eventually she will lose more than she knows.

Why settle for what you can live with, look for what you can't live without!

Answer 11

Try anything to make the marriage work. Maybe take a vacation alone and write her a letter and tell her what you told us. But end the letter on a positive note and tell her what you love about her (there must be something) and how you want to try one more time to make it work, otherwise you will see a lawyer. All divorces are nasty.