Mine is in her mid 40s and is about 3 to 4 stone overweight. She used to have a body to die for but kids etc have taken their toll. I don't expect her to be Kyliesque, but I do think she should have some self discipline, but she doesn't. She knows how I feel about this, but hasn't got the willpower to do anything about it. She reacts very angrily if I mention it, and won't talk about it.
2007-11-26 06:07:10 · 45 answers · asked by Captain Chaos 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks for the answers I didn't expect so many so soon. Clearly a sensitive subject and some people have reacted angrily at me. To clarify a few points
I go to the gym 3 to 4 times a week, she won't come with me, says it is boring.
I accept I approached it wrong in the first place and was too blunt with her, whcih now makes it very difficult to progress, and I have to do something about that
I honestly believe nature makes us attracted by looks in the first instance for a good reason
What is so wrong about wanting your partner to look good as well as have a lovely personality, and loving nature?
It was her personality that gat me hooked, the fact that she was intelligent and good fun more than her looks
She is a fantastic loving mother
I don't want her to suffer with bad health as we get older, some of which have been mentioned above
Defensive response I know. I just wanted to know if my expectations were reasonable, mixed views - thanks for the feedback
2007-11-26 06:43:07 · update #1
Been there done that...except I was the person you are talking about. Guess what...been happily divorced for 4 years. Keep up the good work. Do you recall your vows....for better or for worse. So what do you think she will do when you start going bald or when you can't perform in bed anymore? Think she will tell you that you need to go get hair plugs and viagra? People are far too superficial anymore! Truely a shame.
2007-11-26 06:16:28 · answer #1 · answered by bulldogclover75 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Yes, you should expect that they will take care of themselves and respect their bodies. Of course she won't have the same body she had pre-children, and expecting that is highly unrealistic.
People who take of their bodies look better, feel better, generally live a lot longer, and are happier. All this leads to healthier happier relationships, and a much more pleasant life together.
You, however are going about it the wrong way. You can not ever tell her she is fat - that is so de-motivating and creates feelings of depression, and if she already has an eating problem, this will only add to it. Try getting physical with her every day - go for walks, try out wall-climbing, go swimming, play sports, join a fitness club, etc. Soon enough she'll start feeling and looking better - now that's motivation to continue!
Also, you do the grocery shopping. Make sure bad food is out of the house (chips, candy, cookies, etc.) and its all healthier food, that can and still does taste good! Just change up the environment. Another thing that helps me stay on track is watching shows like "The Biggest Loser," "X-weighted," "The last 10," etc. They show you changes you can make to exercise and diet that really help, and show just how happy you can be by getting healthier... and they teach you why the bad stuff is so bad.
2007-11-26 06:23:32 · answer #2 · answered by Betty 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do not know what you look like; but I must say this. Most of the time I have found that men are critical of women and their weight while the man is carrying a "keg" and thinks he looks good! Better look in the mirror before you point a finger. Perhaps you're not making her feel attractive and desirable anymore! Remember the days when you were courting. Then do it again; start courting her. And, I am sure you need to loose weight too; so the two of you can join a gym and start working out together; take long neighborhood walks and take time to talk and remember the times when you were young and in love. Also, be careful, because once she starts firming up and getting slim; you may just leave your "a..."
2007-11-26 06:19:27 · answer #3 · answered by Bodaciously Red 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's not what you say it's how you say it. Look, she knows she's overweight, she knows she doesn't look the same, and she knows you don't like it. A good way to approach it would be to tell her it is unhealthy (on her heart AND mood). You can try to suggest exercising together, even if you're slim, it's still very beneficial to exercise. Make sure you are all doing physical activity with the kids. Offer to pay for a trainer a couple times a month. Fix HEALTHY dinners for her a couple times week. Offer to take her shopping for exercise clothes...
Does she have yearly physical exams? Hopefully the doctor is letting her know about her blood pressure and other effects her weight may have on her health. She may be resistant to anything you say now if you approached it the wrong way to begin with so you may have to enlist others or get really sneaky about how you offer help.
2007-11-26 06:25:04 · answer #4 · answered by laura1977 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Women pick up weight in the mid 30's and will power has nothing to do with getting rid of it. She may be working as hard as before on her weight and its not moving. Or maybe she thinks caring for her husband and children are more important than impressing the masses. Then there is the growing of a 6 - 8 lb human right in the mid section that can wreck anyone figure. Oh, it could be she's a little depressed that the weight hasn't fallen off as fast as she'd expected and now the one person she should be able to count on for unconditional love is being critical.
2007-11-26 06:19:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow. I wonder if you would have gotten most of the same responses if you were a woman.
It is your responsibility, man or woman, to stay in shape for heath reasons. Especially if you have kids.
On a side note, let's face it, most men are shallow. We see a hot girl and start thinking dirty thoughts. And this is even if we are with a hot girl.
It eventually wears on you mentally if you are out and see, say, Angelina Jolie, and you have to come home to Barney.
Right now a lot of you women are rolling your eyes and getting ready to flame me but think about this.
Just imagine how much more fun in the sack it would be if your partner didn't run out of steam because of some extra weight.
2007-11-27 00:49:42 · answer #6 · answered by Jack01 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gosh, hope that all your love and support of the mother of children continues to evolve. How about this, honey I will watch the children for 2 hours of an evening so that you can go work out and then stop for a cuppa on the way home. And because I know how hard it is to to find time, I will do up the dishes from tea and bathe the kids while you are out.
If you are will to do this, perhaps she will be willing to go to the gym. Otherwise leave off, you have no leg to stand on!
2007-11-26 06:18:22 · answer #7 · answered by Rebecca W 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your spouse is a little overweight its not exactly a problem. She is in her mid-40's and has children so she isn't going to look like she did 10 years ago. She may be suffering from low self-esteem and your not helping by telling her she needs to lose weight. Show her you love her for the person she is and always has been but don't belittle her. Weight is a very sensitive issue for some women. If you increase her self-esteem and self-confidence then she may want to lose a bit of weight herself but if you had had children i doubt you would be the perfect weight.
2007-11-26 06:18:52 · answer #8 · answered by lmang0 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's not what you say it's how you say it. If you're coming at her in a hurtful way she is only going to get bigger. You stated your case, now leave her alone. Trust me she doesn't like her body a little bit. Lay off of her for a minute. If you notice any kind of change in her, you need to compliment her. Even if she lost a whole pound. If she is trying and all you're doing is nagging then she is going to give up. Losing weight/baby fat is very very hard. How about you two go and join the gym together or go walking together or you watch the kids while she joins the gym or goes walking?....
2007-11-26 06:12:55 · answer #9 · answered by KSR 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes, it is reasonable. For her to be 45 - 60 Lbs overweight is not only not attractive, it is also very bad for her health. You should help her by going on walks with her or to the gym with her if she is game. Don't try to make her do it all by herself, be with her to support her and make it a bit more enjoyable and harder to quit. Even if you are in good shape, show her how to do it and spend time together, that's what marriage is supposed to be all about anyhow.
2007-11-26 06:28:08 · answer #10 · answered by dedgrimm 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋