My friend had a vasectomy 12 years ago - now his wife says she's pregnant, & that it's his.?

Question

He had zero sperm count within 6 weeks after his vasectomy, which was over 12 years ago. He's been married to her for 5 years, she never got pregnant. She recently had an affair, he caught her & left her. She's now claiming to be 3 months pregnant & that it's his child. He's stupid enough to believe this child is actually his, simply because she says it is. I'm trying to convince him he's crazy for taking her back & that he's going to end up paying child support on a child that isn't his (she has a history of getting pregnant, leaving the baby's father, & moving on to the next one). Would a zero sperm count NOW prove that it CANT be his, or does that still leave room for "maybe" - she tells him a zero count now doesn't mean 1 didn't slip through. I can't find any info on the effectiveness of vasectomies after such a long time period...everything I look up talks about surgical reversals after a long time period.

Thanks so much for all your answers. Let me add, he is more than a friend to me, he is family. If the baby truly is his, then I would have a new grandchild. My fear is this: he will allow himself to be named the father, I will grow attached to this grandbaby (who wouldn't??), & down the road (probably sooner than later, given her history) they will seperate again..at which point he will bring up that the child probably isn't his, & in order to get even with her he'll then have the DNA test in order to prove it's not his, thereby releiving all child-support obligations. So, you see, my concern is more selfish on my part - I don't want to end up hurt down the road when he decides to "get even" with her. I prefer to know now.

Answer 1

A zero sperm count is pretty solid evidence. A DNA test will prove the case solid.

I have been though this as well. In fact, if this happened in 1994, you would be talking about me (this is an amazing parallel). I had a vasectomy when I was 21 (no kids). My now former spouse didn't agree, but too bad it is my body. Five years later, we split over the baby issue, and she got pregnant within three months.

She put me on the birth certificate, because her BF didn't have a job. I knew I had nothing to do with it. Fortunately he stepped up to the plate and admitted that he knew he was the father before my pay got garnished.

The baby has my last name, but it looks just like him. They since split and the baby was taken away. I had to sign papers to the baby could be adopted. I assume he still has my last name.

He is 13 now. I guess I will run into him some day, and we will have a laugh about it. His mom and my former spouse are the same looser. She will be dead before long because her lifestyle of drug use is catching up to her.

Clearly nobody wants to pay child support or take care of someone else’s baby. I agree 100%. However, if you, or your friend becomes the little babies friend, then what harm is it? Everyone needs friends.

Good luck to your friend. Post an update.

Answer 2

Hi there RC girl. I have read all of the responses that you have received to your question and I agree with most of them. However, I feel compelled to chime in because I am one of those people whose vasectomry did indeed reverse.

While extremely unliklely, it does happen more often than many would indeed like to admit. No "birth control" is 100% effective as long as God's on the throne.

In my case, it wasn't 12 years, but 2 years. Yet, still a significant period of time. The first and right thing to do is immediately get checked. In my case, it was apparent that I needed to go back for round 2 in the operating chair! So, at least from my perspective, if there's sperm present, then you know it was indeed very feasible. However, if there isn't, and it's been 12 years, then yes, someone is not being truthful and unfortunately it's going to take a DNA test to prove it.

Sounds like a shaky situation at best. I hope things all work out for the best.

God Bless.

P.S. Stop by my 360 page and check out Mr. Miracle boy.(Nathan)

Answer 3

There are a couple of possibles here,
1. the ends of the vas were not cut back far enough and not very well tied off and they have grown back together.
2. That there is some migration of sperm from the parted ends into the system
3. That this woman was getting banged by some other guy and is looking for continued support.

Likeliness off occurrence, 1. 1% 2. .001% 3. 99.999%

I would not get another sperm count .
I would let her know in no uncertain terms that I will not be raising another man's child.
I would insist on amnioscentisis AND a DNA check while they are in there.
I would talk to my divorce attorney and throw her to the curb.

Answer 4

You should recommend he make an appointment for a consultation with his physician and have his wife present. They can both ask the professional. If he still has doubts, he can always ask for a DNA test once the child is born. He can't completely be stuck on stupid. He probably loves her and never wanted to end it and thought it was a good enough reason to have an excuse to take her back. He might not care if the baby is not his but doesn't want to admit it. If these suggestions don't work, I would leave it alone. He's a grown man an obviously doing exactly what he wants to do.

Answer 5

After having a vascectomy yes some men can still get a woman pregnant however he should go to the doctor and give them a sample to see if there is sperm. If there is no sperm that isn't his baby if there is then of course he could be the father. Even if he can produce sperm he still should check to see if this baby is his because she has had an affair on him. Let your friend bring this subject up to you. He probably already knows but is willing to keep her no matter what. If you nag him on what he is doing then you might lose his friendship.

Answer 6

I think the money is stressing her out a lot. It's a lot of effort for a woman to be in charge of the house cleaning and also trying to earn some extra money on the side. Try showing her how much you care, and trying to get her to reciprocate. Help clean the house, and send the kids over to spend the night with a friend. Spend quality time with her, and that doesn't have to cost a lot of money, or sex. You need to TALK to her about these sexual issues, not just assume what she is thinking.

Answer 7

It is possible, yet highly unlikely. Seek a DNA test after birth.

If it isn't his, the problem, legally, comes with the state/country that he lives in. Here in Michigan the husband (at the time of conception), not the biological father is legally responsible for a child of his wife's (my uncle is still paying child support even though a DNA test proved it wasn't his child).

Answer 8

A paternity test is his best deal, just to prove that she was unfaithful and that she is a lying, coniving little hussie. And if he does think this baby is most likely his, then he has major issures because visectomies are permanent and permanent is for life, not a certain amount of years and then whoop! one slips through. This girl obviously noticed exactly what she had lost when he was gone and is making up some excuse to try and get a real man back. And this "real man", your friend, needs to realize this and get DNA done asap!

Answer 9

If your friend wants to believe that the baby is his for now, no harm, but what he really needs to do is get a DNA test done as soon as the baby is born, He is crazy to pay for a child who is not his, and NO, one little sperm could not have slipped by to get her pregnant, she cheated and that is that, I just believe he loves her so much he is willing to trick himself into believing this is his baby, try to talk some since into your friends head.

Answer 10

Vasectomies can reverse themselves. But it's a lot rarer than pregnant wives claim.

Here's a simple way to find out: Go to a urologist and get tested.

However, he won't do this, namely because he doesn't want to believe he's been cuckolded. Given this woman's past history, denial runs pretty strongly in this guy.