How can i accept my husband's Infidelity?

Question

I am a forty six years, &married for 22 years. Recently I have found that my husband been unfaithful to me with my best friend. This is been going on since April. He gets irritated for any reason, and argues with me, not to do anything around the house. So few times I confronted him with my anger, and he denied there was anything between both of them. Finally, he mentioned to me she been calling him and talking to him about their family issues and all the negative things about her husband. (Which I never new it before)I noticed that they been on the phone for average 5-6 hours a day. His argument is that they never had any sexual relation, just communications over the phone and email. His excuse is as long as they didn't have any sexual relation, they are not doing anything wrong. Then, why they both hide from their spouses. She came to a point that she could not live one day without hearing his voice. Even, when we went to vacation for a week, they both used to call each othe

Answer 1

now wait a second. you have been maried for 22 years and you are mad at him because your freind consoled in him when she neede to talk to some one? it sounds to me like she felt more comfortable talking to a man about her issues in her relationship and knew she could talk to your husband. the reason that they may not have told you about it is she may have been embarised of what was happening in her life and didnt and want you to feel sorry for her. or they could have thought that you would over react and do what you are doing now. either way i think that if you cant trust you husband to talk to you freind then you werent ment to be to begin with. but i dont think i would go and throw away 22 years over me wife talking to my freind

Answer 2

There is no reason to accept this type of behavior.

Neither one of them is good for you. She is not your best friend. She is someone who took advantage of your trust and your happy home. Why didn't she tell you these things? Why did she call your husband? How did she get his number.

To me, there is no reason for them to talk on the phone. Even though he denies a sexual relationship, they still have an intimate phone relationship that could lead to sex at any point.

The problem is, when you try to cut her out of your life, she will become a secret other woman for your husband. He will continue to get irritated for any little thing with you and run and tell your "friend" about the annoying things you do (Like she talks about her husband to your husband).

I would suggest trying to leave them both alone. I know it is easier said than done. Sorry :(

Answer 3

wendy...I would have to say that there are some boundaries that were never put in place and some nuggets of wisdom that you have not been told or heeded. I would never, ever , everrrrrr agree to my husband having some emotional connection with another woman. EVER. He feels the same way about me. Secondly, you probably told your 'bestfriend' all about your husband over the years, yes? So she knows him as intimately as any woman (other than his wife) could possibly? You've obviously placed alot of trust in her to allower her to talk to your own husband about her marital problems (which she wouldnt even tell to you). Society today says that marriages should be 'freespirited' and open but your situation is an example of how it doesnt work.

As a Christian woman, I can answer your question this way...can you accept it? Yes. Can you heal from it? Yes. Can your marriage survive it? Yes. How? You accept his transgression because he is human and we all sin and fall short of God's Glory. You are not perfect and neither is he. To heal, you must forgive him. You have to ask God to remove the pain from your heart and the anger from your chest. He will do this if you are sincere in asking. Your marriage survives by you two, together, making a renewed covenant with each other. I dont mean 'renewing marriage vows'..I mean renewing your promise to God to keep this marriage holy and acceptable in His sight. You are going to have to end this friendship with the other woman. The devil is using her to drive a wedge in your marriage during difficult times. You have to have a shared commitment to 'honesty, fidelity, respect and love'. I dont know if you are a believer or not, but when there is a love for God first, a sincere love, then it translates into your marriage in that, (for me) I love God too much to cheat on my husband and my faith in God wont let me 'give up'. No matter what my husband might do. I encourage you to renew your faith in God and ask Him for strength and direction. As you delight in Him, He will give you the desires of your heart.

Answer 4

Infidelity comes in different forms, and this is one of them, if they are spending that much time on the phone with each other, they are most likely seeing each other behind your back too. anyway, this woman is supposed to be your best friend, not his, so my best advice to you is go to her and confront her with this, and tell her that you don't appreciate her calling your husband and talking to him every single day, and for 5 hours on the phone, tell her if this continues, you will have no choice but to break off your friendship with her, and you will get your phone # changed. Then you tell your husband that if this continues, you will file for a divorce.

Answer 5

Wendy, hun, leave him! I know exactly how you feel, except I am only 22 years old. I got married too young, at 16 because I really was in love with Tony. He was my world, a year later we had Isaiah. I finally finished highschool at 19 and a few weeks after that I gave birth to Noah. Zac is 4 and Noah is 2 now, but Tony and I got divorced 5 months ago. I found out that my younger sister, Kelly who is only 18, 's best friend, Hiedi has been screwing around with Tony whom is 24! Hiedi and Tony now have a baby girl, I knew she was pregnant but I didnt know it was Tony's baby! I would have killed Tony if it wasn't for Zac being in the room. Kelly no longer talks to Hiedi who is now living with Tony and getting married to him in March. It breaks my heart, especially to the fact that I still love Tony and am carrying his baby. Yeah, I dont know whether I hate him, or am still madly in love with him................

Answer 6

I think her husband should now about this to it is infedelity becuase even though all they do it talk on the phone it is still not fair and it is not right for you. He disrespected you and you can not forget that it is not right for him to do this and he needs to me a better man I think you should do it to and see how he feels he will probably feel bad and yet to wrongs do not make a right I suggest you move on go out for a week get away from him go on a cruse party do something and just think put your thoughts together you gave him your life do you really deserve this.

Answer 7

You just ask this a couple of minutes ago???

Call her husband and ask him to make her quit calling your husband. He probably doesn't have a clue. It worked for me.

BTW take most of the money out of your joint savings account and put it into an account with just your name on it and don't let him know it in case he decides to do it when the sh*t hits the fan. Since you really don't know how serious he is about this other woman....who ISN'T your friend.

Answer 8

Ok..so your husband is a cheater and is cheating on you with another cheater.. you have to ask yourself.. am I better off with him or without him. Make up YOUR mind since he appears to be listening to his penis instead of his mind. ( Lots of men do this, nothing new ). Men often pretend that cheating is ok and find all kinds of ways to excuse their extremely lousy behavior to themselves. ( women , too, not just men ...anyone who is a child in the mind will do such a ridiculous thing ) .

Obviously she is not your real best friend.. nor is he. BE the best friend of your children and make up YOUR mind instead of asking everone else on here to do it for you. Teach your children to make moral decisions based on right from wrong. But do it yourself because obviously your husband is not going to help you out.

You already asked this a few minutes ago, Wendy.

Answer 9

First of all WHERE IS YOUR HEAD AT? You shouldn't even be questioning this..If you feel its wrong and you have problems with it your husband should honor those feelings and stop the "chatting." If he is putting his conversations with this other woman before your feelings then something is seriously wrong. Let him know that this kind of behavior is unwanted and you don't feel comfortable with it and if he is any kind of husband he will stop immediately..if not go get yourself your own phone buddy and see how he likes it..lol

Answer 10

Why should you accept it? I wouldn't. If you want to stay together you need some sort of counselling or something because it sounds like he's in denial about it.

What happened with the friend. I think I'd strangle her! Does her husband know?