I just had a baby and my husband is deploying in 2 days. I am so depressed and ready for a meltdown.?

Question

I know depression is normal right after having a baby. I am just having so much trouble trying to cope with my husband leaving. I need him here so bad and President Bush is taking him away from me and his new baby and only baby. I am going to have a meltdown.

Answer 1

1. Live more in the moment
Thinking about the past or the future is what we get anxious about. Rarely do we panic about the present moment. If you find yourself dwelling on something that either has already happened or has yet to occur, remind yourself that the only thing you have control over is the present. That's really the only thing that counts. Be proactive and avoid seeing yourself as a victim of circumstance, Dennis says. "You can't sit around waiting for someone to do something good for you. If you want something out of life you need to get out and get it."

2. Practise positive affirmation
Tell yourself you are strong, says Dennis. Practise saying positive things about yourself over and over and over. In the morning, wake up and say something positive. Have that be your very first thought of the day. Even if you don't believe it, or if it's a harried Monday morning and you've woken up late for work, starting your day off with a positive affirmation will help set up your day on a good note.

3. Believe in the power of positive thinking
This one may seem pretty obvious, but it's one that many people overlook. If you think positively, positive things will happen. "It's a universal law, just like gravity," Dennis says. Alternatively, if you are constantly thinking negative thoughts, don't be surprised when negative things happen. It takes a tremendous amount of work to change our thinking to a positive frame of mind, but it's worth all the effort, she says. "If you tell yourself your life is bad, it will be. It's that simple."
4. Don't dwell
Look at what's upsetting you, fix it and move on. If it's already happened, you unfortunately can't go back and change it, so dwelling on it and lamenting about what could or should have been is a waste of time and energy and just makes you feel worse about yourself. Accept whatever it is that happened and then move forward, Dennis says. It's amazing how light you will feel after dropping some of your emotional baggage.

5. Focus on the positive
Start a gratitude journal, Dennis suggests. Whether in the morning or at night -- or both -- jot down five or six things you are grateful for. They can be big or small or something as simple as "It was sunny out today" or "I had a great lunch." As long you do it on a regular, consistent basis it can help shift your negative thinking to positive. Whenever you're feeling low, go back and read your journal to reaffirm all the great things you have in your life. When we feel negative we have a tendency to forget all about what we already have and focus instead on what we don't.

6. Get moving
Exercise is paramount for feeling good because it releases endorphins, Dennis says. Whether its a walk around the block or a 10-kilometre run, activity makes us feel good in spite of ourselves. Chances are, if you're feeling low and you do even 15 minutes of activity, you'll feel better afterwards.

7. Face the fear
Negativity comes from fear, Dennis explains. "The more afraid of life you are, the more negative you tend to be." If you fear something, do it anyway. Fear is a part of life, whether we like it or not, but we all have a choice as to whether to let it stop us. Facing our fears helps to build self-esteem.

8. Try new things
Being open to trying new things also helps to build self-esteem, Dennis explains. By saying yes to life you are giving yourself more opportunity to grow and learn. Avoid the "yes, but" mentality. New experiences, big or small, help make life more exciting and provide fulfilment.

9. Shift your perspective
When something doesn't go well, find a way to reframe it in a more positive perspective. "In every challenge there's a gift, and in every gift there's a challenge," Dennis explains. Even though it can be very difficult, try to look at the good that can come from challenges. Otherwise, it's very easy to sink into despair or sadness. Do whatever you can to stay positive when times are tough.

Answer 2

Honey, it will be OK. I promise. I know it's hard having him away at such an important time. It's just as hard on him, being away from a new baby like that. But I can also promise you that allowing yourself to sink into depression will do no good whatsoever. You just have to suck it up and deal with, on a day-to-day basis. Your baby needs your love and attention.

My son is in the Air Force. He and his wife had a beautiful baby boy, born in January 2007. In April, he was deployed to Guam for 5 months. That was a very tough time. He's back, stateside, now. They are in a new home base that doesn't deploy. But, I think that experience may be the catalyst that keeps him from re-upping when the time comes. I only want him to have job security, whether that's in the military or in the private sector.

I know the sacrifices you are making, because your husband is serving our country. Millions of military wives have done it, and you can too. This may be a "maturity lesson" for you, something that may teach you to stand on your own two feet.

Answer 3

You have to be strong mom, and you can! If you need help from an anti-depressent then do it. Your child feeds off your emotions, they sense it. If you're getting along, he will be a more content baby, which will make you a more content mom. Depression is normal, but not after 2 weeks after delivery, then you need meds. Get out of the house everyday, get fresh air and a little exercise, open you curtains and let the light in, and find someone to talk to frequently (friend or family member OR counselor) and talk to your Dr. about anti-depressents. Don't worry if you're breastfeeding, there is one kind out there that is safe. Good Luck, I did it and you can do it too!!!!

Answer 4

I believe that this is a national problem, brand new fathers having to leave their children and wives .... it breaks my heart! My best advice to you would be to stay strong and positive, yes I know this will be extremely difficult but you have to stick with it! Talk to him everyday( if possible) It will make the process of coping with his departure easier on you and the child. Purchase a webcam for him and yourself so you can phisically contact each other whenever he has a chance. Write letters and send pics and videos of the baby's growth periodoically. I wish you and family hope and peace. Don't forget to stay strong and never give up when you feel down! Its a constant struggle but I will pray that you will get through it! I hope everything will be more than okay for all of you! God Bless!

Answer 5

There are support groups you can join, ask your family for help. My husband is getting deployed when I turn 24 weeks and not coming back until the delivery, after that he is going to leave for almost a year. He is going to miss the whole first year of the baby's life. Yeah there is camcorders and cameras, but its not the same. Talk to your doctor and ask for help. Be strong, we have to be for our husbands, if he leaves and sees you like this, he is not going to be comfortable over there and its not going to make it any easier on him.

Answer 6

I really feel badly for you. Do you have family or friends that are close that can stay with you for a couple of days or so??
It is really hard...but.... I am a single mom who has had to do it alone since I found out I was pregnant. It isn't impossible, it's doable. Know that in your case, I am pretty sure that he would rather not be going either! :)
I'm so sorry....you do need a support that is close... :) Good luck...you can DO this!!

Answer 7

Tell your family and friends how you are feeling. Everyone understands why you are feeling this way. Tell them you are feeling overwhelmed and depressed. Ask if someone can stay with you for a while to help you out. Remember that this baby needs you more than anyone else. I hope everything gets better for you.

Answer 8

That sucks. I am sorry to hear that.

I too am in the military (Navy Reserve) and facing a possible deployment soon. I just got married and my wife and I want a child. She is terrified about the idea of me leaving.

Hopefully you have a supportive family that can help. Also his unit should have a family support service. It's made up and organized by family members of the other service men in his unit. They should be able to help you. Check it out.

Answer 9

You need to have family members or friends come to help you. You can also call the hospital and ask about mom groups that meet weekly and they can help you too! Good Luck. God Bless.

Answer 10

Buck up, alot of us have been there. I can give you the typical...get out there, socialize, find things to do speech, but I know that you've heard it already. It is going to be difficult, especially with a newborn, but you have to keep telling yourself to be strong. If at all possible, schedule an appointment with your doctor and explain your feelings to him/her. There is also counseling available to you, take advantage of it if you need to. Sometimes it is just better to have someone to talk to who won't criticize you for your feelings. If you have family members who are able to spend time with you, have them visit. If not, the next best thing is video conferencing through Yahoo chat or another service if you want to. They sell some pretty cheap video cameras now. Some bases have set up video conferencing so that you may see your husband on screen (or he can opt to get a setup of his own where he is deployed)...you can chceck with your FRG or with family services to see if they have video conferencing at your base. Good luck and take care of yourself.