My husband is a weekend binge drinker (2 1/2 fifths a weekend) who gets pretty mean sometimes. It never really bothered me alot because I know it's just the booze talking and I sometimes spend the night in a motel to get away when it really gets bad. He's always sorry when he sobers up but lately, he's being hateful even when he's sober.That bothers me alot because it's HIM talking. He really hurts my feelings for no reason I know of. He's been twice to rehab so he's not going to stop but I don't want him being so mean to me all the time. Why is he being so mean all of a sudden when he's sober? We've been married 4 years.
2007-11-26 05:08:20 · 18 answers · asked by ♥Pretty♥ ♥Kitty♥ 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'll admit he scares me sometimes. He's a huge man. He's always been a totally different person sober and it's strange that the 2 personalities are merging. I wonder if this means he's progressing or if I'm really annoying him.
2007-11-26 05:21:07 · update #1
It sounds like he is getting further into his addiction. Living with an addict is never easy.
2007-11-26 05:21:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's still the alcohol that is causing him to be mean even when he's sober cause alcohol is such a depressant it changes your mood and personality even when you're sober (I didn't know that til I quit and realized how much of a happier person I became). And it does get worse after time. If you can't get him to quit then this could become more of a serious problem than it is now. I wish I had good advice but I really don't. I just recently quit and we've been trying to get my father-in-law to quit for a long time and it's not easy. I know this is going to sound like bad advice but try to get him to smoke a joint instead of take a drink lol
2007-11-26 05:25:29 · answer #2 · answered by KittyKitty 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is an alcoholic. He is mean sober because he is dependent on the alcohol and has withdrawal symptoms which include irritability when he is sober. You need to force him into rehab again by telling him if he doesn't get help, you are leaving. I cannot believe you would enable his addiction to the point where you would leave your own home so he can get drunk. Don't you deserve a better life than the one you're living?
2007-11-26 05:17:39 · answer #3 · answered by Marina 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do you feel you deserve to be treated like crap by a problem alcoholic?
I hope you said no.
If he's been in rehab twice and has relapsed, then maybe you should make alternative plans with your life.
You deserve to be happy and live in a stable environment without someone mistreating you or making you stay in a hotel room for your safety.
You can't fix the guy. And apparently neither can treatment programs.
I think it's time for you to assess this relationship and weigh in whether or not you want to live this way for the rest of your life.
Frankly, life is too short. And with you staying with this man, I see nothing but a miserable existence for you.
2007-11-26 05:21:47 · answer #4 · answered by Ella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is so mean because he is an alcoholic. Alcohol is a drug and it will make him act like a different person. Not only that, but unless he gets and stay sober, he will only get worse with time.
When he is not drunk and he is mean it is because he in going through alcohol withdrawal. This too will only get worse with time.
But you are NOT powerless. What you need to go is find an Al-anon meeting and go to it. Once there you need to find a sponsor and follow her suggestions, and work the steps.
You cannot make him find sobriety, but what you can do is get sober from him. Break the cycle. Go to an al-anon meeting!
Good luck. I will pray for you.
2007-11-26 05:21:46 · answer #5 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, first, a person who is a problem drinker can only be helped if the want to get help.
Second, don't make excuses for his bad behavior. You are only enabling him to continue his drinking knowing that you will make the excuses for him.
Third, unless he seeks help, it will never get better, only worse. You have to decide on one of two choices. Either you stay and he will actively seek the help he needs. Or you cut your losses and leave a potentially volitile situation.
It's a tough choice to make. I made it myself and now I have a wonderful husband who doesn't treat me like last weeks garbage when the weekend rolls around.
I wish you luck and if you wish, feel free to contact me via email.
Hugs!
2007-11-26 05:41:36 · answer #6 · answered by Sr. Mary Holywater 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's get one thing straight here, missy! You are not the reason your husband drinks. You are not responsible for his actions. I endured 10 years of alcoholic hell!!! From the verbal abuse to having a gun stuck in face, it was my living hell. As time and his drinking progresses, he is only going to get worse. You are the only thing that is in his way from becoming a 7 day a week drunk. Each time he abuses you in one way or another, it will get easier for him. He will always be sorry and remorseful and he probably is but, he will not change until you put him in a position to where he has to choose. You have to be ready for him to make the wrong choice because most times they will because they want to drink and they think everyone else is nuts, not them. It's called denial. The only thing I can suggest is that you give him a choice. Don't be like so many of us abused spouses who feels they can help by staying. You can't help!!!! You need to help him by helping yourself first.
2007-11-26 05:40:08 · answer #7 · answered by talon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly jus let him know, either stop the drinking or im leaving,and do it, don''t jus say it and not do it, because then he'll think "aww she ain't going to do anything ill do what i want," u don't need to stay in this situation, my sister was in it for 6 years and trust me it only gets worse, it started out petty stuff but it she ended up with her head through a door post, you don't deserve it, any man who hurts his wife physically or mentally isn't a man at all
2007-11-26 05:17:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparently you are scared of this guy that you leave to go to a hotel to get away from him, hello this should be telling you something not to stay in an unhealthy relationship, it is the mistake soo many married people do, ask him to get help like aa, if he dosent get out of the relationship now, before he hurts you.
2007-11-26 05:16:40 · answer #9 · answered by wwest1963 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wake up....it is also HIM talking when he is drinking too. He has to get help for his drinking and stop completely otherwise nothing is going to change and likely things will just get worse. He has to choose the booze or you....make that clear but also say you will help him any way you can (go to AA with him, etc.)
2007-11-26 05:15:55 · answer #10 · answered by Bears Mom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The question should be, why are you staying? Are you waiting for him to get violent? Because he is an alcoholic, that will be the next stage. Get out, even if you love him.
2007-11-26 05:22:41 · answer #11 · answered by cooter726 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋