I have discovered information pertaining to his close friendship with this other woman. Not getting in to details, I suspected that there was an affair going on. I asked him if he the situation was reveresed how would he react? He said he would divorce me and would have thought the worst. Is he indirectly admitting that he did cross the line and have an affair or what does this mean? He could have said I would believe you that nothing happend but, he did not. Please help!!!
2007-11-26 04:22:58 · 43 answers · asked by Unsure 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Whether or not he's had sex with the other woman, he has, in one way or another, cheated on you.
It seems to me that he's saying that he would not put up with the same behavior that you've tolerated from him.
Apparently, he's having this extra-marital relationship because he feels he can. He doesn't believe that you'll do much about it, but if the situation were reversed he would take strong action either against you or to protect his marriage. In the meantime, it seems that he is living the double standard.
2007-11-26 04:27:47 · answer #1 · answered by DJ 7 · 6⤊ 1⤋
You live with your husband. Honestly if the situation was reversed--would he have believed you that nothing happened? Or is he more impulsive and jumps to conclusions?
B/c if he had said "I would have believed you that nothing happened" would you had said Liar--you wouldn't think that at all?
B/c if so you are judging him for being honest with you and trying to hold that against him. In my case, my husband is more jealous than me. We both admit this. If I go out with a coworker, he is jealous all night. If he goes out with a coworker, I stay home grateful that I didn't have to go out with them!!
What really matters here are those details you left out. What information did you find? Was it enough to suspect an affair, or are you the type who accuses him of things a lot?
As far as him saying he would divorce you if the situation was reversed--he was being honest with you and you can't hold THAT against him. It is in no way saying he is or is not cheating on you, just that he would have reacted differently than you did. Of course he would have! Men are from Mars Women are from Venus and we react differently to the same situation.
Now to figure out if he is cheating or not, do some detective work. Does he lie about when he is with her? Does he call her far more often than necessary? Is this closeness cutting into family time? Does he tell you everything when he gets home or are you finding receipts for places he claims he never went? Have you been invited around this coworker? If you are invited but don't go, he isn't hiding anything. Ask if you can come next time and see how he reacts.
These are the things to tell if he is cheating--not merely for honestly admitting to you that he would have responded differently if the shoe were on the other foot.
All these people instantly saying he is cheating--they don't know you and don't know your relationship with your husband. They are letting their own prejudice factor in and frankly that doesn't give enough information to make that call.
2007-11-26 04:43:39 · answer #2 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It means that some people, even if they are nothing but cheaters, actually have some self worth. Just like my husband when a woman called our home asking for him, to thank him for such a nice time at a bar. He said he would of told me to leave the house no questions asked. He said nothing happened, I didn't believe him, but since then he has given me no reason for doubt. But the little grain is still there, you understand? Some people, especially men, find it difficult to let something go, even if it's just a 'doubt'. And if you thought there was something going on, there probably was.
2007-11-26 04:52:46 · answer #3 · answered by ღ♥Jess♥ღ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a difference between a close friendship and an intimate one I think, but if you think it is an affair, it is time for counseling. It may be that he considers this woman a close friend but if so, she should be a friend of yours as well. Otherwise try the counseling before a divorce. Good Luck!
2007-11-26 04:38:53 · answer #4 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Then that mean he does not trust you and if is would have been him he would have divorced you and he would have left that he would not have let you explain he is admitting to his own fault that what he did was wrong and that it was not okay and that if it were you he would leave you I do not think this is rigth. But I thinl you should show him what he said and tell why you should not leave him then. Ask him does this mean that you love him more then he loves you because you have the heart enough to forgive him or should you leave to since he gave you the idea turn the tables back on him.
2007-11-26 04:33:02 · answer #5 · answered by Lost 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you need any clearer of an answer than this!!! He just admitted to you that he crossed the line and if you did what he did, he'd divorce you in a heartbeat! And, it also sounds like he'd divorce you, even if he "thought" you crossed the line. Either way, you know crossed the line and either way, it doesn't sound like he has much feelings for you at all.
2007-11-26 04:32:57 · answer #6 · answered by Sondra 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
By him saying what he did, sounds as if he simply validated your feelings and feels you are justified on being upset by them. It does not necessarily mean he was cheating. You and your husband need to talk seriously about this close relationship he has with this other woman and how it is affecting you and eventually the marriage. If he puts this friendship ahead of your feelings and the marriage, then this should be a cause for alarm for you.
2007-11-26 04:36:17 · answer #7 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just ask him....r u having an affair? Make him tell you the truth. And if he says yes.....you have to make that tough decision to leave him....after all he did say that he would leave you if you cheated. It is trully not worth goin through all the mess of trying to work it out after an affair. The love you feel is never the same after something like that. Trust me I know. You only have one life to live.....you might as well live it happily with someone who won't hurt you.
2007-11-26 04:31:00 · answer #8 · answered by Girl 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Without being a fly on the wall during the argument, I am guessing that he is admitting to being a very jealous person and he would have jumped to the conclusion that you were cheating on him and would have filed for the divorce without giving any thought to it. Does not necessarily mean he admits to cheating. Flat out ask him...don't beat around the bush.
2007-11-26 04:33:03 · answer #9 · answered by peggy m 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It doesn't sound like an admission but the two of you really need to sit down and discuss the future of your relationship. Find out now before he brings you home a disease. Do not accept the age old excuse of "but we didn't have time for each other" either. If he had time to sneak around and hook up with this bimbo then he sure had enough time to talk with you and check out some counseling.
2007-11-26 04:31:56 · answer #10 · answered by MJ 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋