My husband and i aren't even divorced yet and i can't get along with him two minutes. He has been gone for months with military never called just thought me and my daughters died. Gets bk and i'm nice enough to talk to him about seeing his daughter he just argues i don't want to meet with you ect. I have to keep telling him i don't want to be with you either! Like he doesn't get i'm just trying to give him a chance to see his daughter I tell him bequiet just give me a time he calls me a ***** tells me he has no respect for me ect. He can't set aside his feelings for 2 mins to even talk on the phone.It is very frustrating because i just had surgery and can't afford to file divorce right now. So i have no idea when visits will happen unless he files It 's a big mess and to me he should be anxious to see his daughter not yelling at me it's so discusting!
2007-11-26 04:08:01 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would just let it be. If you cannot manage to file for divorce right now, then don't; just let him do the contacting, and if he doesn't want to see his kid, then don't force the issue. He's obviously angry and bitter over whatever's going on between you, so just let it be for the time being. But I wouldn't wait to file for your divorce if I were you, even if it means borrowing money or taking out a loan.
2007-11-26 04:12:52 · answer #1 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of calling him, try sending him a few registered letters. Also make a photocopy of any letters you send him and make sure they also get signed by a notary. This will give him the chance to actually be able to understand what your request is without allowing him the chance to argue or to try to push your buttons.
If he chooses to ignore your letters, then you have something to show your daughter later on when she is older, to prove to her that you really did try to let him see her.
Also, getting the letters notarized will help to defend any lies that he may try to present in court concerning whether or not you allowed him to visit with his child.
I know it sounds like your supposed to be mean about all this, but mean or not, you need to be able to legally protect yourself and your child. Having some foresight helps. The divorce, when it happens, may go easy or not. But you can take care of visitation and support without a divorce, court fees or legal fees.
Family court will hear and give judgment on simple visitation and support issues without costing you anything. Although, I would wait until having sent him a few letters first and give at least ten to 30 days for him to respond before bringing it to court. This will give you more legal ground to stand on and some proof that you really tried to work it out without the courts help first.
2007-11-26 12:41:45 · answer #2 · answered by dragonfirelady313 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have had similar situation - 6 years on he's still the same - i dont know or care where he is - i divorced him , got full custody of my children, he will haveto go through me to see thwm now - he sends no money - i just got on with my life without him or his help.
The kids will hurt, but they will grow up 1 day and as long as you are happy they will b fine.
You say u dont care to see him and it's just 4 his daughter, it wasnt like that 4 me, i was hurt and then angry and then lonely, but eventually you will overcome it all.
He is the loser in the long run, be strong, be positive, dont push him to see your daughter - get on without him now - let him do the running - HIS LOSS, good luck to you and your daughter * *
2007-11-26 12:16:58 · answer #3 · answered by Claire 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just keep the topic to the child when he calls. If he starts talking about something else, tell him, this isn't about our child...is that all? If he continues tell him, stick to the topic of the child and hang up. Keep this up and in time it will smooth over. When my ex and I separated, we hated each other...it was more than bad...over time by doing this...only talking about the child thing...things became very civil...in fact I am in disbelief that my husband, my ex and our daughter went out riding horses together at my exes farm with his new girlfriend and her children on Saturday. Things change and it is how you take charge of the change that determines the quality of it. We had to go to Trans Parenting classes before our divorce was final....it was one of the best things to ever happened to me...I am thankful for it.
2007-11-26 12:14:46 · answer #4 · answered by Rein 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have a mutual friend or a family member that would be willing to mediate?
As for filing, check with legal services, it may be cheaper than you think. You can also ask them for options.
If you do have occasion to talk to him again, don't let him rattle you. the nicer you are, the stupider he will look.
You also may have to consider the terrible thought that he doesn't want to see his daughter. he may just want to pretend your relationship never happened.
Also, have you considered calling someone in his branch of the service. He could be suffering from Post traumatic Stress disorder. They could have services for invention and mediation.
2007-11-26 12:16:29 · answer #5 · answered by dmjrev 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband SHOULD want to see his daughter as much as possible. Talk with his parents, or a mutual friend... someone neutral... perhaps they could help convince him to play an active role in his child's life. Don't let the ugliness going on between you and your husband affect your daughter.
2007-11-26 12:16:18 · answer #6 · answered by NH_MCD 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God Bless you.
Take time to really sort out your feelings and quit trying to talk to him. I know you want him to be involved in his kids lives; however you can't make someone do something that they don't want to do. If your in-laws are involved in the kids lives then let them see the kid and him make arrangement through them.
Take the time to heal your body and your mind. Get your finances straight file for divorce and set up visitation and child support at that time.
2007-11-26 12:14:05 · answer #7 · answered by Indypendence 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there's still financial support - leave it alone first. Get well, fully recover from your surgery and then divorce him. He obviously isn't mature enough to separate the husband from the father and even involves your kids into your marital problems. Your kids deserve a better father. You deserve a better husband.
2007-11-26 12:14:07 · answer #8 · answered by Equinox 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just stop calling him..and you can start a divorce without paying just go to the local court house and get petition forms. You can also get them online. Let him make his bed and lie in it..the tables will turn..and hopefully he won't regret the decisions he has made!
2007-11-26 12:16:08 · answer #9 · answered by heavansangel52973 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does not get it and has no respect for you or his own child and has apparently moved on. Talk to the on-base attorney or Chaplain about how to handle this. Do not make your child hate her dad though...because later on he may come around and be adult enough to realize her feelings count. Ya never know.
2007-11-26 12:58:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋