I am unhappy in my marriage. I am a christian been married 1 year. help....?

Question

I left my country my family friends and job to come and be with my husband. We have been married 1 year it was only just our anniversary. But i think i want out. I love him only i think more as a friend now. He promised he would quit smoking once we got married and he has not yet. We have talked about it several times yet still needs more time. I hate smoking but have given him time to quit. But he has broke his promise. I now feel he just lied to me to so i would marry him. He also told me he does not like kisses i want kisses and some passion all i get are pecks on the cheek i wish he told me this before we got married. I want so much more we dont have sex as much as id like i have told him, but nothing changes. I am really unhappy...i miss my family and friends and my job. I dont work im a house wife im tired of cleaning...esp after his dog he gets everywhere the dog hair drives me crazy and muddy paws. This is not the life i thought i would have is it bad to want out.

*** im not a mail order bride im from UK i knew him for a few years before we got married. Im in the USA i met him here when i worked here. Then i went back home and we stayed in touch. I just thought i knew him better than i did. He made me a promise to quit smoking....as i deteste it. Its the only thing i asked him to do. I just feel i made all the sacrifices.

i have helped and encouraged him to quit and i have not nagged him i try and keep my mouth shut about it. But he quits for a day then starts or keeps moving his quit date. He says he likes to smoke and does not want to quit. He should never had made me a promise to then. Its a huge big deal to me i never wanted to marry a smoker.

Answer 1

tell him your unhappy and want more affection, he needs to stop smoking, and you want better sex,

Listen, The house work, everyone has to do it, we all ahte it, but it has to be done, SORRY no matter whom you marry, its always gonna be there.

Smoking and sex are easy to solve

initiate the sex, every 2 days, and masterbate while having sex so that you can come to orgasm,
Eventially it builds their sex drive, and it gets better, but if you don't tell him he isn't satisfying you sexually, he doesn't know it, and if you don't teach him how to satisfy you sexually then he will never learn,

For christmas buy him commit, or nicorette,
and start making him smoke outside,
this limits his smoking , and if its really cold out he will think twice about going out to smoke

When he says he needs a smoke, then POP a commit into his mouth before he smokes, this will lessen his desire

If he kisses you on the cheek , then thats great, because atleast he is showing you affection, next time he goes to kiss you on the cheek, move your head so he hits your lips,

If you don't work then you should get a job, or activity
its very lonely staying home without kids, even with kids it can be lonely

As far as family goes,
Why not make an invitation letter and Complete the DS156
forms
http://evisaforms.state.gov/

Make them come to visit with you,
if you can't afford to pay for them, just get a part time job you should have earned the money in 2-3 weeks

---

I want to tell you that married life is work, no marriage is perfect, and its never like the dream,
Fairy tales and realities are not the same,

If you want romance then you need to create romance,
If you want your Husband to stop smoking then Dedicate your time to helping him quit, and encouraging it,
When you see him smoking take the cigarette out of his hand and pop that commit into his mouth instead,

As far as the DOG, One day,while your at work he can accidentally run away.

M

www.freecycle.org
( find him a new home)

Answer 2

Wow I didn't know Christian men partied like that? Shouldn't have shot them all down during my dating days. I'm with Ryde-On and Steve-O...yay for Catholics! We are christians too and read kind of the same bible, no? I'm a Catholic and my husband is allowed to party if he so chooses. In fact don't know how we would have gotten through dating without it, which is why i never dated christians thought they were boring. Thanks for opening my eyes about christian men, in case i ever need this info in the future. Christian's IN! My husband however no longer parties since we became parents and that's HIS choice and I love him for it. He just is smart enough to avoid temptation by avoiding the scene altogether. Your hubby may feel more in control of his man parts and feels he can brave the lion's den or snakes in the grass for a little good time. He's the man, you follow him, he follows God, everything turns out fine. You follow him means you have faith in him, until you SEE otherwise. Now back to you. It's only on the weekends. You should have married a true christian or one with your ideas. I thought you people were all into pre marriage counseling how come you guys didn't discuss whether partying's okay on weekends. As far as i'm concerned christian values of the catholic or general kind do not allow you to leave him until he actually cheats....hits you....or is neglecting the family and that would take partying 7 days a week, i think. You be the judge, are you just feeling cranky that he does it, or would an outside party consider you "neglected". If so, the bible says you can get another husband, because at that point he is neglecting his duties.

Answer 3

For a christian, marriage is a lifetime commitment, you don't marry because you just want it, you've got to be so sure that you love him so much and that whatever comes to your life, you'll gonna stick together because this is what you promised to each other in front of God. But then, the good solution to all your complaints about him is, have an open communications and work on some compromises that both of you will fulfill. Both of you should be considerate to each other's feelings, likes and dislikes. It takes two, to make marriage work. It's your first year together and usually it's also the period of adjustments. To solve your boredom, take a job, so you won't miss your family in another country.

Answer 4

Okay, imagine that someone you don't know asked you about their marriage, and told you precisely what you wrote.

There's smoking, physical affection, the dog, and a general boredom.

To me, it adds up to you needing some counseling. He should go along and observe, but I don't see that he is the real problem.

First of all, the smoking: If it wasn't that, it'd be something else. Socks on the floor, gargling too loud, snoring, beer, or feet on the furniture. I can assure you that you have habits that he wishes you did not, but he lives with them. Perhaps he really hates the color of bath towel you picked. Marriage is about adjustment.

Now, on smoking specifically, that's the most difficult habit to break, and I can assure you that the more a partner nags, the harder it is. You need to support any slight effort he makes, but nagging merely reinforces his identification of himself as a smoker. You're gonna have to live with it until he makes the decision, it simply isn't up to you.

It's a very rare marriage that both are identical on physical needs. You have to realize that there's no connection between quantity of physical demonstration and Love. Many men don't get this, either, and that's why many of them 'cheat'.

The dog: If it's too much, take charge of the dog. Realize that the dog lives there, too, but isn't in charge. Just don't let him in with muddy paws, and take him to a groomer to reduce the hair problem. If you can't handle those, what are you gonna do with children?

I'm sorry, but you need counseling. I believe you have what I call "Cinderella syndrome", which means you expected that marriage would be as simple as "happily ever after". People have to work at it to even get "mostly happy ever after".

Not what you wanted to hear? The Truth rarely is.

Answer 5

I'm a Christian too, and it sounds to me like you didn't really know each other well enough before you got married. While I can understand how much you miss your family, friends and your job, and you're having problems dealing with his habits, you really need to honor your marriage vows and do everything possible to work through these problems. He also needs to understand that he made the same promises to you, and he needs to respect you as his wife and do his part in doing what makes you happy.

Answer 6

All you can do is be honest with yourself. If you have tried all you can think of then maybe try a little more. Once you truly get exhausted of trying all of these things then you can think about leaving. Make sure that you communicate with him though that you are thinking about leaving. Hopefully he will ask why and you two can have a dialogue about the things that are bothering you and why you want to leave. Don't worry about being a christian. A christian God is a forgiving one and if you feel that is a sin then you can ask for forgiveness. In the long run though "to thine own self be true."

Answer 7

Where are you from, what do you mean you " left your country" if you are unhappy go home. This doesn't sound like a marriage that occurred for the right reasons. Don't ever marry someone thinking they will change, they usually don't. If he smoked when you met him, that would be nice if he quit but you can't expect someone to do something that they are not ready to do, even if its unhealthy and bad for them. I would suggest moving back to your country.

Answer 8

Maybe you should find a job. It might make you feel better to have something to do during the days other than clean and take care of the house.

You have only been married a year. You should work on your relationship before you decide to call it quits. Maybe you should look into marriage counseling. It might help to have an outside perspective. Best of luck!

Answer 9

sounds like you got into the marriage really quickly without really knowing each other as you should have, but now that you're married - you should probably go to counseling and at least make an effort to work things out and see if it can be done. If not... you can at least feel comfortable in knowing that you gave it an honest effort and didn't just give up. You can always divorce after you're convinced that's the only option left.

Answer 10

This should be a lesson learned, do not think for a sec that people are going to change who they are once they get married. Tell him how you feel and that you are fed up. Maybe you need to be around other people so getting a job may help you.