What can I do about my husband's treatment of me?

Question

This weekend my husband had some projects to do around the house and I tried to help him when he needed me. He got frustrated with the project and snapped at me. So I just went and found something to do to stay out of his way. Then when the day was over and the kids were in bed, I made an flirty overture to him and he turned me down flat. He was too focused on this project still. So my feelings were hurt, and I tried to talk to him but he got all angry, told me to go **** myself and "what did I want from him" and "You're acting just like your mother." So the next day I am a little gun shy - not knowing how to act or what to say. I helped my son with his science project and my husband wouldn't leave me alone the whole time (didn't help but kept interrupting me where he hadn't spoke to me most of the day). I was kinda quiet the rest of the night and he was overly attentive then. I am tired of being called needy when I just want a little affection and cussed out for it. Advice?

Answer 1

ok. I could be this guy.

When we are frustrated we get mad at ourselves for not knowing what to do. We don't have anyone knowledgeable to ask for help and the Home Depot guy doesn't know anything either. Leads to major frustration.

Now me personally. I never turn down sex. And when I'm pissed it's a fantastic outlet for my anger (it's hard driving fun).

now as for the 180 he pulled the next day, it's because he knows he ****** up and said something out of anger instead of thinking first. He feels as if you are mad at him and might leave him so he tries to make up for it by being nice and attentave. Me, I clean stuff. My Mom raised me to be the daughter she never had and so when I get overly nervous I clean the house. If my wife ever figures this out she will give the silent treatment every other week until the whole house is clean.

Answer 2

He's a hot-tempered male and apparently has to be the instigator in all things. I hate to bring it up, but did he not show any of these characteristics when you were dating? Or is this a new thing? Communication is tantamount in any relationship and since most men aren't very good at it, it has to be learned, so counseling would definitely be of help. Why do I think he won't cooperate? Hmmm.
Just stay out of his way when he's busy... and when he's interrupting you, kindly promise him you will have "special" time later. Try applying the same tactics you use on your son, but don't make him feel like a child. That's you project for today. See if that works.

Answer 3

All you can do is talk to him and let him know how you feel. Point out the fact that just because he is frustrated with a project doesn't mean he should project his anger towards you. All you are wanting to do is make him happy, and you are being rebuffed at every attempt. Communication is the key here and don't be accusatory to him. Open the conversation by just politely talking and don't put him on the defensive. Once a man goes on the defensive we go into survival mode and try to "win" instead of listening. Good luck.

Answer 4

Haha, haven't you ever gotten that way over a project? Sometimes you are just so caught up in it and focus solely on completing the project.... nothing else matters until it it done. In his mind he was probably wanting to finish it so he could spend the time with you - and he had his mind set on this.

You need to understand that he is only trying to make your life better with these projects, and that he is the type of person who likes to work without interuptions - just get it done! I am the same way, and I do get caught up in my projects.... my thoughts are that if I finish this now, I have more time and less stress later to spend with my partner! You two just think differently... but trust me, for people like me, all the interuptions do get very annoying.

Talk to him about it though, it's not fair to you that he is treating you this way, and he probably doesn't fully realize the hurt he has caused to you. He does want your love - and he probably thinks doing things around the house will help strengthen that and make your lives easier, allowing more time for more love.

Answer 5

It's a man factor, I do it always to restrict pointed questions. All the ladies I recognize are rather persevering although, they preserve asking and asking what the obstacle is and I preserve heading off it so subsequently not anything will get solved. What ever you do, do not do the "Why are you watching at me like a harm rabbit?" and "Aren't you going to reply?" factor. He frequently would possibly not recognize what to mention and simply preserve up the silent medication. It's simply time to play with the matters within the storage and to repair the sink he is been which means to repair tomorroww for 3 years.

Answer 6

You need to see what it was that made your husband upset during the time you were helping him with the project. It could be something that is insignificant to you but meant a lot to him. Could it be something you said? Helpful, well meaning comments from a wife can make a man feel inferior and then resentful of his wife for making him feel this way. Men need to feel capable of doing things without any words from his wife that will make him feel as a failure. Also, men tend to be able to focus on just one thing at a time and whenever they are asked to focus on something else this can add stress on him. I would say to just leave him alone and give him the time and space to focus on this project to completion. Patience is what will help you during this time.

Answer 7

I think that was his way of saying he was sorry for his behavior two rd you before. He was so focused on that one thing that he let other things slide. Remember, men are not as good communicators as women are. His way of saying he was sorry, was to be overly attentive. As far as you being called needy, you need to talk to him about this in a non confrontational way. Tell him how it makes you feel when he says this and ask him what he thinks about what you are saying. Draw the responses out of him don't come across as mad. You set the tone and he will follow.

Answer 8

You two are not communicating. You are both making assumptions and then reacting and it is creating a vicious downward cycle. Telling the person you love to go *** themselves is a BIG RED FLAG. You need to find some better communication tools and try to resolve the underlying issues --- you can try some counseling or do some reading about troubled relationships.

Answer 9

I know it's frustrating for you but unfortunately you can't make a person treat you better. There's nothing you can do to make him not do those things, that starts with him. I really can't give any advice b/c i've been in a marriage like that for almost 7yrs and we're now separated b/c I understand that I don't have the problem he does. No one can tell you to leave or to stay but pray about it and for him.

Answer 10

It's strange how when we're busy living our lives... doing stuff that is fun that people find us the most attractive. If you want attention from your husband, don't cling to him. He obviously doesn't like it. Do the opposite, because he admires it when you are being independent and not hovering and he will come to you.