How do I come out to my mom? Help!?

Question

I know I'm a little too old to be asking something like this, but help me. I'm 24-year-old and lives with my parents. I feel if I could come out to my mom, then I would be able to come out to just about anyone.

Would this be a good starting point: "Mom, do you think it's weird that I haven't had a girlfriend before?"

Some of you guys would say my mom likely already knows that I'm gay. if so, how come she keeps talking about how I would get married (and to which girl) and have kids in the future?

Answer 1

Hi kevin, going through a bit of a dilema then? Your mum already has an idea that you are gay but keeps on about you getting married and settling down because thats what she wants for you, and of course for her but deep down she knows that sooner or later you're going to tell her and shatter her dreams. If you really feel that she'll be ok with it then pick your time carefully. Don't pull her into another room when her mates are round for instances ha ha. Make sure you have plenty of time, not in your lunch hour or hers and that you won't be disturbed, unplug the phone and turn your mobile off! Make her a cup of tea or get her a glass of wine and start by saying the same as we've all said - mum, i've got something to tell you!!! Say -mum, i know you've only ever wanted the best for me and i appreciate all that you've done and continue to do for me but, right now, you deserve to know the real me. All my life i have tried to please you and make you proud of me, be that at school or college or in my working life but my personal life is a mess and its making me unhappy. I know you'd like me to find a nice girl and settle down but thats never going to happen because i'm not interested in girls or women because i am attracted to men and i don't want to live a lie just to fit in. Give her a chance now to say something or to cry or whatever but don't apologise for being you! Tell her you will not flaunt it in her face but that you'd like her to meet your friends and maybe their parents and come out with you to a decent club ( please don't pick ones where their arses are hanging out of their trousers and they're all wrapped up in chains ha ha, she'd have a heart attack if she thought her little boy was involved in all that ) for a drink. Don't run off in a huff if she doesn't take the news as well as you'd like her to, its hard for them to understand why you've picked this way of life ( my mum thought it was something she did bless her ) and they won't understand unless you speak out. Give her a cuddle and tell her you're still the same person you always were and will continue to be and let her ask you anything she likes. Above all, remember that you're her son and she loves you unconditionally and she only wants you to be happy. If, by some chance, she wants you out of her house ( i doubt it but it does happen! ) then make sure you have friends you can stay with until she calms down. Good luck, now take a deep breath and go for it x

Answer 2

Like you said, your mother probably already knows you're gay... or at least has her suspicions. She may still be holding out hope that you're not, or that maybe it was just a phase. Or maybe even that you'll just be in the closet for your life.

But if your Mom really does love you, she will be able to accept you any way you are. I would say that it's a good idea to come out to friends first- that is what I did and I found it actually made it a little easier to come out to my Mom.

But when you decide to come out to her, just be straightforward, don't play games or try to be funny... parents don't appreciate that. Let her know that it doesn't change anything, and that you don't engage in risky behavior. (Which I hope you don't!) I think that older people are convinced that if you're gay, you WILL get AIDS.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Hey, my advice is what I know. My uncle is gay too. He came off about giving hints like do you accept gays? What do you think about them? But you have to ask slowly you can't just come on about it. There is one thing that could make it a lot easier if you are close to your mom. I do have some bi and gay friends also and they all said it was much easier due to the fact that they are close to there parents.

And for the fact your mom hasn't asked you anything...well I cant answer that.

But I do give you my best wishes and good luck for when you do tell her!!! Just make sure you take thing slow. Since you haven't mentioned or gave hints yet.

Plus it shouldn't matter what you are just make sure when you come about telling her that it is the right time. And you guys do live together than you wont have no problem. She probably would be more understanding than what you think. Your just freakin out everything.

But let me know how thing work out.Best wishes!!!!!!!

Answer 4

Your right I would say that she already knows though she may be in denial about it. I personally would not do it near the holiday season as this season is sometimes hard for a lot of people. What I would do, which is not anything that I did, but hindsight is 20/20, is to take her out to a nice place for lunch especially if you work during the day and get an hour off for lunch and start off by telling her about your life and if you would like kids and such then segway into your sexual preference, because kids are still possible. She'll still be able to get her grandkids. The reason for doing this at lunchtime during a weekday gives you a timeline to let things soak in. A. you tell her at lunch, she gets upset and cries. then you both have to leave to go back to work, or she gets to go home. This provides time to think about what she is feeling and how you are going to deal with it when you get home. What happened to me is that I go kicked out of the military because of my sexual preference and so everyone knew.

Answer 5

you know somthing when I came out it was really hard for me to do but though the days I would ask her what would you do if I was gay and she would say she'd kill me but when I can out to here I said mom there is somthing I have to tell you and so I sat her down and started talking I told her how I felt and I said this " I know you want grandchildren and a beautiful daughter and law but I just am not atracted to the opposite sex I have feeling for the same but no matter what my orientation is I am still the same son you know" yeah it was hard for her but you know somthing we are the best of friends then we were already were

Answer 6

Hello from England, Kevin. Well, I honestly think you are worrying needlessly here. I am sure you Mum has a good idea already: she is probably just waiting for you to confide in her!

Look at it this way: God made you, and if you are good enough for Him, you are more than good enough for everyone else. So be brave, and confide in her.

Good luck - let me know how you do.

Answer 7

She knows.

She is either hoping you will switch back, or is in a mild form of denial.

Maybe she talks about you getting married in order to maintain the pretense that you are already creating.

When you tell her, I imagine she'll be relieved. Its not easy to lie to mom. She sees how you "Don't" look at girls and how you "Do" look at guys.

Answer 8

I actually like your starting point. First thing would be to make sure you can afford a place on your own, or have some place to go if you get kicked out

Answer 9

well it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks of you no matter how old you are and what you are you are going to be what you want to be and do what you want to do and if you like dating girls then that is you there's no problem there...but you should just sit your mom down when she's in a good mood and tell her whats on your mind and tell her you are gay and if she doesn't approve then thats all on her but don't be scared to tell her or anyone else because no matter what ppl are going to talk and judge but it doesn't matter what they think or say its what you want do what your heart tells you not what everyone else tells you.

Answer 10

because she doesn't want to beleive it i have a friend whos son is 24 who just came out to his mom she said she always knew in the back of her mind that he might be but did not want to believe it.well he came out and she talked to another friend of ours and she told her he your son you love him and as long as he is happy you should be happy she took it hard in the beginning know she is ok with it he is bringing his boyfriend up for xmas.i always told her that he was gay she would say no sir she wouldnt believe me you could tell plus he had no girlfriends big sighn i am sure your mom already has an idear just does not want to admit it please come out you will feel so much better if your mom loves you she will love you for who you are and the kind of man she brought up if your sweet wonderful kind careing.i do not know if you and your mom have a close relationship only better when you tell her.my daughter just told me that she likes black american men and i love my daughter and as long as she is happy thats all i want i am happy for her as long as they treat her right and with respect i am happy for her.not saying it was hard for me to swollow mixing races but i came to terms with i love my daughter more she will have to handle that part of it.and i will be there right by her side all the way.so please tell your mom we are only human us mothers she will be fine with it i promise might take alittle to soak it all in but love conquers all.