i left my wife for my girlfriend and i also caught my wife cheating on me with my friend. the divorce has been a bitter long and still happening action.....1 child 7yr old boy. i want custody and she always pawns him off to her parents....the problem......the girlfriend is sick of my constant whining and complaining and she wants out. the whining and complaining is due to the lengthy divorce. we are awesome together and i love her with all my heart, but the high stress of my job and being a fire chief (volunteer for this)also stresses it because of a small town thing. i do not want to lose my girlfriend because of the whining and complaining of myself...please help....
2007-11-26 01:30:12 · 42 answers · asked by prison guard 1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Divorce can be a traumatic experience especially when there is a child to consider. Your girlfriend just might be willing to support you through this but is unable to handle the constant way you whine and complain. You need to make some time to be just for her and you without always bringing the divorce into it. It is unfair for you to feel you can constantly unload on her and expect her to always be understanding about it. The divorce is between you and your ex wife so stop putting the strain on your girlfriend. Your girlfriend needs to know you can also find time to focus on only her or she will become resentful, feeling used and taken advantage of. So my advice would be for you to spend quality time with your girlfriend and to try and keep the issues of the divorce separate. She needs to feel important to you.
2007-11-26 02:18:03 · answer #1 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then STOP with your personal problems that she can't do anything about except just sit back and be supportive!
Why do people do this? Start new relationships before the old ones are taken care of first? It doesn't make for happy new relationships now, does it?
Dang, the ex wife, the friend and now your girlfriend all seem to have turned on you!! You need to do some soul searching to see why even your own friend would betray you with your own wife! Screw the small town excuse! It's your business, not the damn towns, been there, done that! They'll all have an opinion even if they have no real idea what the situation is anyways! You know that!!!
STOP complaining and take care of matters!! Then maybe you can have another decent relationship.
2007-11-26 01:41:19 · answer #2 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, two wrongs don't make a right so the fact that your wife cheated also does not validate your being a cheat yourself. It doesn't seem that your relationship with your girlfriend is built on anything solid at all, otherwise she would want to be there for you and wouldn't be "sick" of anything! In hindsight, I'm sure you realize that the type of relationship that you have involved yourself in rarely works out long term for all the reasons you have mentioned. Instead of having a romantic honeymoon phase in the relationship she is bogged down with your divorce issues, your demanding job, etc. which leads me to believe that she does not really genuinely love you for you, and may have been trying to win some game. What are you losing if this woman leaves? She actually says you whine too much and she wants out? Let her out! She doesn't love you if she is insulting you instead of trying her best to help you through everything. I feel for you, but it's really the only thing you can do. You can't make someone love you.
2007-11-26 01:36:32 · answer #3 · answered by Marina 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're getting lots of "stop whining" advice. My question is always "Yes, but how??"
You're whining and complaining because you think you're getting some benefit from it. It's why any of us does anything; because we think it'll get us what we want.
I'm guessing you're wanting your girlfriend to commiserate with you about your ex. And she's not willing to got there (good for her) and is getting frustrated.
Take a hard look at the resentment you feel and tell the truth about it. Does harboring ill will toward your ex really get you anything? Does it really justify anything? Does it protect you from anything?
(Hint: the answers are all "NO!" but you have to find that for yourself)
You will find that at the moment you can clear away the resentment, the whining will stop. There simply won't be a reason for it any more. And you'll also find that you have more energy for your job and for your future.
On a related note - the issues you had with your ex are almost certainly going to come up with your girlfriend. You have some work to do on yourself, mon ami. Some growing that may be uncomfortable. That's what relationships are for...
2007-11-26 01:44:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you seriously looking for sympathy? Fair enough your wife wasn't blameless if she was having an afair too, but 2 wrongs don't make a right. Perhaps this is God punishing you for betraying an oath you took. Perhaps if you want to keep her you'll have to realise that she is not the person you can turn to and will share your burdens with you, so accept the fact that however "awesome" you are together does not include her being supportive even after you've uprooted your life for her and are suffering the consequences of it now and just shut up about it - bleat to your guy friends who may actually be supportive.
2007-11-26 01:35:29 · answer #5 · answered by Belinda 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You just said SHE wants out .... sounds like you all ready lost her. Most chicks who sleep around with married men are NOT relationship material anyways. - & they usually dont make adequate step-mothers for young boys either. I bet it wasnt the whining&complaining that began driving her away. What do you really have "TOGETHER" that is so awesome? If you truely loved her with your whole heart & this was ALL about HER, then you wouldnt have felt the need to mention that your wife slept with your friend - would you? What's that got to do with your Q.?
2007-11-26 01:45:32 · answer #6 · answered by Redrum 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok first thing you left your wife and went straight into another relationship that's the first mistake divorce is a hard thing too deal with you need time too heal and recover before you can even try too make another relationship work don't kid yourself and try too act like this whole situation hasn't affected you take some time out for yourself deal with your issues regain your composure then learn to be a single father show your child that even though his mom and dad aren't together you will still be there for him then try dating
2007-11-26 01:39:04 · answer #7 · answered by dawn l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you want your gf or your son? Sounds like you want your gf and you are just angry with your ex - so you want to punish her by getting custody. Many people in divorce situations have extended family care for the child for a variety of reasons. My in-laws watch my daughter if I have to work and she has a day off of school. You aren't golden either. Decide what is in the child's best interest above all.
2007-11-26 02:08:39 · answer #8 · answered by Lioness 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Huge amount of sympathy.
two years ago I went through a hellish devorce. Things became so unbearable there were times I contemplated other ways to get such a horrible man out of my life-thankfully I didnt. My partner bore the brunt of some very disstressing times and we very nearly broke-up. What saved us was a holiday paid for by my parents. It helped put back some much needed perspective
and enabled us to fall in love all over again. the problems were still there when we returned home but we were refreshed and thing were delt with more intelligently .
Hang in there and keep smiling
2007-11-26 01:38:38 · answer #9 · answered by Tilly 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why do you care if your wife was cheating on you with your friend? You're no better than her. After all you had a wife AND girlfriend. Don't you see the problem here? Stop the whining. You made your bed, now lay in it!
2007-11-26 01:37:55 · answer #10 · answered by gatsgrl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋