First off: Don't give me that 'that's taboo!' and 'incest!' stuff cuz I full well know the implications of what I'm thinking of and that's what's bothering me to begin with. I know it's wrong but I can't help it. All signs point my feelings out to be true and damnit it's way too confusing.
The problem right now is how to approach this since ignoring it does nothing to help. I'm not looking for a relationship here, just a way to do this right and as much as possible not hurt any involved parties, myself included. Should I consult someone about this? Should I tell her? I'm only 17 you know so I'm still a little inexperienced with all this. Please help me out.
2007-11-26 01:21:04 · 22 answers · asked by Emperor P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
And just so everyone knows:
I do have other female friends, though I feel less for them than I do for her.
She is around the same age as I am. (I even know her birthday - God what's wrong with me)
NO, I do NOT want a 'purely physical' relationship with her. I'm not that shallow nor do my hormones rage that wildly.
No, I don't feel this way just because she's attractive. (even if she is) I happen to 'like' her for who she is.
I'm trying my hardest to approach this situation logically, but it's difficult battling emotion with a good sense of morals, ya know?
2007-11-26 01:42:56 · update #1
Believe me, you are not the first person to go to family reunions to find a date, but it is still wrong. Recognize that it is and move on. There are millions of other women out there. Besides, unless she is as immoral as you are all you are going to do is get hurt or disowned.
2007-11-26 01:35:17 · answer #1 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Hmmm. sounds like you are hopelessly in love, and that you are wise enough to be considerate of what is best for her. Do you know how she feels? IF she feels the same way, then that really takes away the last barrier - that it's wrong in some way. It's fine and legal in several USA states to marry cousins, and Federal law says any marriage that's legal in the state where the wedding is performed must be recognized in every state of the union. Really, though, not looking for a relationship? what DO you intend?
I just wouldn't ADVERTISE that she is your cousin, or, really, to make a big deal out of it, if you want to live anything like a normal life. Obsessing about that single fact is the unhealthy part, not the fact itself. Date. Hang out. Find out if anything more than "crush" is possible, talk to her, be fun. Clear away the mystery.
As for things like birth defects, the chances for cousins is only a few percentage points higher, and only happens if both parents have a deleterious recessive gene lurking in their background.
2007-11-27 23:15:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
We get infatuated with someone because we find them attractive. Something about interacting with close family members prevents that kind of thing from happening. With kin we don't see all the time, it can be different.
Please be comforted that "in love" only lasts 18-24 months in the midst of daily interaction. To wit: you'll get over it.
What your cousin wants is at least as important as what you want. If she is interested in a close, friendly relationship then that's cool. If not, well, ...
Just blurting it out will put her in an awkward spot, and you too if she's doesn't take it well. Best suggestion I can offer is to take it easy - build a friendship with her and see where it goes. Done right, odds are high that you two can be close friends for a very long time.
2007-11-26 09:33:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes you are right, it's not easy fighting emotions with moral lectures. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having such feelings, what would be wrong is actually acting on them. I am however encouraged by the fact that you are aware of this and that you have chosen to ask for advise in place of giving in to your hormones. There are some very good advice already given here. I only want to add that I am praying for you that you will make the right decision as you stated you know what is right and what is wrong.
2007-11-26 10:00:01 · answer #4 · answered by wallstreet 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, if your really in love then this feeling won't go away,
I would wait and NOT tell her because this will definately cause waves in the family,
You need to distance yourself from HER
and spend time with other females of your age range,
I know that your under age, and I really shouldn't suggest this,
BUT perhaps getting laid will help
I want to ask if you and her have fooled around in the past/
And I want to know if your a Virgin?
Do you consider yoursefl attractive?
These answers will help us to give you a better answer that will be more helpful
M
2007-11-26 09:32:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You only think that it is wrong because of what society thinks. The Bible, in the law God gave spells out which marriages are forbidden. Cousin marriages is not forbidden.
If you decide to pursue this, be ready for everyone to have a reaction, some not so favorable.
If she does not show any interest, I would say nothing.
Avoid her then.
2007-11-26 11:39:43 · answer #6 · answered by Jed 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
|I believe you are infatuated with her..... There is something that attracts you to her. it could be the way she treats you. Like listening, attentive, friendly. You have to recognize what it is attracting you to her and Change it. If it means cutting ties for awhile or what have you, but you can't date your cousin. I would start reflecting my energy to another girl who isn't your cousin. Because there are going to be alot of problems if you dint leave well enough alone... Your young and your hormones are raging, and you need to find an outlet with another girl or a sport or something....
2007-11-26 09:27:52 · answer #7 · answered by wva_butterfly 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hey bud, I know exactly how you feel. My family is Catholic so big families. I have 12 Uncles and 16 Aunts. 10 of them have not been married yet and I already have over forty cousins. I should include I am Italian, so my female cousins are bound to be *eye poppin*. There really isn't anything wrong with it. I am 19 so, no worries.
2007-11-26 09:25:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Don't tell her, she's your counsin! I would suggest bottling it up and maybe telling a friend, but don't tell her. Unless you want to have a relatioship, but you don't as you've already stated. I know you don't want to hear it, but it IS taboo. It is also legal for a reason as there are many people who want to have relationships with their cousins. If you are not one of them, then don't tell her, or else you'll be opening a can of worms.
2007-11-26 09:26:08 · answer #9 · answered by Space Chicken 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How old is she? You might want to think about your decision. do you really "love" her? I do not look down on you for liking your cousin, but don't you think your a little young to know what love really is?
2007-11-26 09:26:13 · answer #10 · answered by ~*Your Name Here___*~ 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋