We see the signs and yet we marry that person anyway and then realize that we should have ended the relationship in the first week. We spend years with someone who lies to us and mistreat us. Why do we stay????
2007-11-26 01:18:01 · 22 answers · asked by OceanBlue0910 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
People tend to marry someone with whom they feel comfortable with, if they are weak minded they tend to pick out someone who is the lesser, this way it makes them feel as if they are smarter or more in control, many pretty women you see marry lets say, less attractive men, so they feel even better about themselves, and then their are the few who live lives of disfunction and drama and want to keep it that way so they tend to marry someone who is just like them, they do this for many reasons but more so its done out of the need for control and comfort, they pick a spouse out of what feels familar and comfortable or someone they can control, let me use a example, heres a woman who is a complete drama queen, she will 99% of the time marry someone who is passive, who will put up with her crap, this is why many co-dependent people marry alcoholics, they actually seek them out, because of the fact that its what they feel comfort with, maybe they grew up in a home with one or both alcoholic parents? So at the end of the day, many people do make bad choices in spouses, and this is why the divorce rate is at its highest, we have a society of disfunction because we are raising a bunch of selfcentered children, it all starts in the family home, so its time that parents take a stand and disipline and teach themselfs how to be a good role model for their kids so they dont grow up and make the same mistakes over and over.
2007-11-26 01:33:59 · answer #1 · answered by penelope 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Martydom....victim syndrome....dysfunctional...
Some people actually enter a marriage not knowing the other person very well and when things start becoming clear, they have already invested alot of time and energy into the relationship in the hopes that "they" can either save their partner or change their partner. They allow the little things to become monstrous. It reaches the "point of no return" where these people actually "forget" what the original problems were or they "forget" their own contributions to the problem. They no longer see it as something they can solve or help with but can easily blame the partner. Not having enough confidence in themselves to "nip it in the bud" they allow their partner to continue escalating the bad behavior until one day they wake up and think "oh poor me. I should have..I could have..." Bottom line is they didn't and now they see themselves as stuck in a marriage to a person they no longer wish to be with. A person that they allowed to mistreat them and lie to them (that part of it is easy to forget). Some even entertain the notion that they somehow deserved the mistreatment and so stay and allow it to continue.
Those are just SOME of the possible reasons!
2007-11-26 02:12:59 · answer #2 · answered by peggy m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's sadly true. The only explanation I have for that is that at the moment of meeting that person, perhaps we were inmature and though that noone else could be better. Being unexperiences, naive and young and not listening to sensible advice. I think people stay because they stubborn and thing that they will eventually "change" and "see the light" for the sake of love, children etc. which of course, never happens. People are ashamed to admit that they were wrong by marrying to begin with so they keep on dragging the relationship since they are used to put up with it.
Good luck
2007-11-26 01:45:36 · answer #3 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I truly believe that most people get married because they want to seek happiness. Relationships are difficult and do take a lot of work to make it last. Even people with the best intentions feel they that if they love enough that things will work out. The saying, "Love is not enough" has more truth to it than most of us would like to admit. You can truly love someone but without the skills and knowledge that it takes to make it work can lead to failure. It is heartbreaking and the only thing we can get from this is to learn from our past mistakes. I agree we all should be more selective in choosing a person we marry, but only through experience and failures will me be able to grow into more understanding about what it takes to love and be loved in return and the key word is how it make it work.
2007-11-26 02:01:34 · answer #4 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have seen it for many reason but Money and Fear always seem to be the big two.
Got to much money invested- or usually both of them are in dept up to their eyes balls and can't get out- one can't leave the other without paying up.
Fear- afraid that can't do better, afraid everyone is beating them to the alter...... afraid the other person will leave them.
As a 30 year old woman who just go married- I notice a lot of my friends just marrying anyone they can get almost like a pre-mid life crisis- and they are drowning and they grab the first raft they see and won't let go. I stop being friends with 2 people within two years for that reason- they both picked some "loser" rebounding and scared that they would never get married- and now both of them are in dept up to their eyeballs and can't get out!!
2007-11-26 05:50:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most of us don't see the signs. Most of us were too young. The problem isn't compatibility the problem is marriage itself. If you are in a happy loving relationship why change it by getting married?!?! You will stay in love much longer if you don't get married. Once you get married it is over no matter how perfect you are together. The only way a marriage lasts until you are old is if you lie to yourself.
2007-11-26 05:22:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
People stay in relationships for many different reasons. Ex: They may have children involved; Financial stability; Companionship; Just to say they have a significant other and last but not least.....Routine. By "Routine" I mean they are so use to the persons presence and ways that they are afraid of change.
2007-11-26 01:28:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because for some sick reason we sometimes believe that is all we are worth. Especially if this not-right-for-you person is skilled at manipulation. I had to learn, after an ugly divorce, that I had to stop seeking out these type of people. Take relationships slow and easy. Make sure I am compatible with this person and that they actually want good things for me and I for them.
Best of luck!!
2007-11-26 01:23:21 · answer #8 · answered by wait and see 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because they don't know what true love feels like. They end up marrying someone who they go off, or who is just simply not 'the one.'
Most people cannot recognise true sincerity either.They fall for words, sad eyes, and cute looks, but these things can be put on.
2007-11-26 01:28:59 · answer #9 · answered by skyespirit86 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because there is some joy in these relationship and also most of the time, these people are only telling their side of the story. There are two sides to every story, and usually there are circumstances that the other side don't tell
2007-11-26 01:27:37 · answer #10 · answered by mel s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋