My husband and I have been married for a year and 2 months. I orginally felt rushed into marriage but did it anyway. Once we were married, naturally we fought a lot and I left my husband. While I was gone, I had an affair (one night stand and not proud nor do I need to hear what a screw up I am). He wanted me back home..so I came home. (This is Feb.) After returning, things weren't the same for me, but I couldn't tell him. In Jun., I left again this time wanting to leave permanantly. I couldn't handle the way he would talk to me and treat me like crap. This time, I told him about the incident in February. We got counsel, he forgave me and everything was going well. I came home. We didn't fight, argue.. I got pregnant in Aug. Since my return home, I've done nothing but love him. I believe in change and forgiveness and I did both. Now, Im 3.5 months pregnant and he says he can't forgive me for the incident in Feb. and wants divorce. I'm confused. What can I do? I don't want a divorce!
2007-11-25 23:17:22 · 14 answers · asked by *~Cam's Mommy ~* 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I feel like he told me one thing, I got pregnant and now he's ready to bail!!! I love him. Neither of us have been perfect (i'm telling what i did)!!! but, I believe we can work it out... I'm so scared..no family, no husband and now a baby...
2007-11-25 23:18:15 · update #1
Hi,
In a year and 2 months, quite a lot of things have happened in your married life. And now you are carrying a 3.5 year old baby. If there was no baby you would not have got scared or worried about he wanting to leave you now. So rather than your love for him, now you are worried about your safety and security. I also think there was not enough love or understanding between you two originally. But now the baby should not get affected and you should not get punished for a mistake you did. Everybody needs a second chance. You too. I suggest you go back to the same counsellor who talked to you and your husband and explain your current state. Let them guide you how to handle this situation or what you could do further. But please continue the relation only if you love him and you two promise each other that there would be no more dalliances like you had in your short married life already. DONT WORRY. Things will be fine. What one needs first is an understanding about the situation one is in and why it was so. After that things will be fine. You might have done some mistakes, everyone does. And you got some troubles for that. Now dont feel hassled or guilty about those. Dont blame or self pity yourself or dont get affected by what people talk in such flavours also. You will be fine, whatever happens. Take care..
all wishes..
2007-11-26 00:12:18 · answer #1 · answered by doer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously he hasn't forgiven you for your one nighter back in Feb, though he said he did.
The pressures of impending father hood may also be getting to him... as he realizes now that you'll be in his life forever now that you're linked by a child. And that's making him feel the need to lash out at you... he wants to hurt you like he feels you hurt him.
There are worse things than being divorced.....and while I would hate for your child to be raised as a "visitor" with his dad... you may not have a lot of choice regarding if your husband leaves or not.
Counceling is an option...... but what your husband needs to do is decide once and for all if he's going to let go of his pain and face forward rather than looking back. Tell him that every moment that he looks backwards is a moment that he could have looked forward... and if he continues to look at the past he's going to miss watching his child grow up. That would just be sad... for everyone.
Now that another life is involved... and a childs life at that.... your husband needs to make a decision quickly...and whatever its is, you need to keep your focus on the baby. Good luck to you...... I hope he makes the right decision.
2007-11-25 23:27:19 · answer #2 · answered by Aron1968_30 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't mean to sound cruel, but I don't understand why some women keep going back time after time, and then when find themselves in a situation like this, can't understand what happened. He got his revenge on you, in my opinion, for cheating on him. Now that he has your love, he's rejecting you to punish you and there's nothing you can do to change that. By telling him, you put a deep scar in the marriage that can't be healed. Now, the only thing for you to do is move foward and be the best mom you can be. Who knows, once the baby comes, and he sees how happy you two are, he may want to be a part of that, but don't count on it. Think of how you would have felt and reacted if he had cheated on you. Ask yourself, could you just have accepted it and went on with your life with him! Time heals all wounds!
2007-11-25 23:43:38 · answer #3 · answered by Needtoknow 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He may have fears about becoming a father. He may be using the affair as and easy way out. Since you are pregnant you need to stay strong for your child no matter the out come. Let him go and see if it's truly what he wants. I feel he will be back sooner than you think. Don't take on his burden because he has put guilt on you. Stand tall Stay focus and Be prepared for either out come.
2007-11-26 00:58:15 · answer #4 · answered by Roxygirl71 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is serious about a divorce then there is not much you can do about it. He probably never accepted the fact that you had an affair with another man, and deep down he has never forgiven you. I feel sorry for the child who will be coming into this world in a few months.
2007-11-26 00:02:35 · answer #5 · answered by HM 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has resentment and instead of forgiving you now sees and opportunity to punish you . He is being a selfish jerk to play these games Plus when he hurts you he really is hurting his own child worst One day you'll be over him but that child will always wonder where their daddy is? That is terrible i would say tell him you want to be together if he rejects you don't play games you do that too. Decide and be gone for good this time. Going back and forth your torturing each other!
2007-11-25 23:29:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should not have fooled around. He sees that you are pregnant and every time he looks at you now, he can only see another man`s body with you, his baby or not. He tried to forgive but can`t because you have really hurt him badly. You doing nothing but love him since August was and is not the fix. The fix was loving him unconditionally and not playing ping pong with his heart.
2007-11-25 23:26:57 · answer #7 · answered by I tell it like it is 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hang in there...you committed yourself this far, stay and have the baby as that may change his attitude. I admit it might not but your already pregnant and that's no time to be alone. If he continues to hold this over your head or becomes abusive you may be fighting a losing battle. Don't beat yourself up, keep your attitude positive, you can always regroup later if necessary.
2007-11-25 23:29:35 · answer #8 · answered by lenzix5 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
specific, because of the fact there is not any "Singles, courting and breaking apart" area like they have for "Marriage and Divorce". this provides human beings the fake concept that in case you in basic terms date, issues are reliable...while in case you marry you're continually one step faraway from divorce.
2016-10-02 04:28:19 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alot has happened in a very short time. Keep doing as you are, go back to counseling.
2007-11-25 23:26:00 · answer #10 · answered by michael w 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋