My husband is mad because I'm not excited that he's home. He moved back after cheating on me and living with another girl for a year. Why does he expect me to be happy and to treat him well after putting me through this? He said he thought I would be happier.
2007-11-25 22:49:55 · 29 answers · asked by blue eyes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm curious why you took him back after all that! He sounds to me like someone who is self-centered: he looks out for his own interests first, and he's concerned most with what makes HIM happy. You can see that by his response to your feelings: at this point he should be doing everything he can to make things right with you, to find out what he needs to work on to make the marriage stronger, but instead he's trying to lay a guilt trip on you for not being "happier" and more "excited" about him being there! He's "mad" that you're not thrilled he's back--as if his coming back was some kind of gift you should be grateful for!
Did he really think it would be enough of an apology if he just moved back in and went back to the way things used to be? It takes a lot of time and effort to rebuild trust in a marriage, and the person who cheated needs to realize that he's got to deal with his spouse's questions and doubts for a long while. If he's not willing to do that, and if he doesn't even understand why you're still angry, I don't think he's mature enough to be in a relationship with you or anyone else, for that matter.
I'd be interested to know what made him decide to move back with you to begin with. Please don't just take his word for it; for example, he might say he came back because he missed you, etc., but it might really be that he got kicked out of the other place or they had a huge fight. Or maybe he got scared or guilty about what he'd done, which--again--isn't the same thing as really wanting to be with you.
You deserve better. I think your question shows that you had time to reconsider things while he was gone, and maybe you aren't willing to put up with the same old stuff now. Maybe you thought you wanted him back, but now that he's back, you see him in a different light. You know that things won't get better just by ignoring them or putting on a happy face. It's more important right now to find out the truth about each other and yourselves. Happiness won't come until you do that.
2007-11-26 00:17:38 · answer #1 · answered by Camille 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think he believed by moving back in with you that it would instantly 'fix' your relationship problems. He certainly needs to earn your trust back in him and it will take work on both your parts. If you allowed him back, you must be happy a bit about that; so that is a start. But he isn't some 'prize trophy' to win; he is a man who cheated and now needs to take all the repricusions that come with it.
Work on getting to know each other again and see if you both are able to reconnect; sure you have grown independent of him in that year; perhaps he doesn't like that part of it. Be strong and good luck; hope it works out for you two
2007-11-26 00:22:12 · answer #2 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You let him come back. Thats telling him you forgave him and ready to move on with your life together. He expects you to be happy that hes back living with you. If your not happy get that cheating s o b out of your life for good... once a cheater always a cheater. I would think your not happy cause you know that, does it seem to you like your waiting for him to do it again, finish what he started? Hire an attorney, why waste another day on him. Good luck. Sorry i have been cheated on, still leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
2007-11-25 23:35:59 · answer #3 · answered by deerlady2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart the more you dwell on a bad time the more you will refuse to let him back into your heart! You made an honest attempt to try to accept him back and now you need to either cope with the facts that you have at hand or put the boot to his bottom, Plain and simple! It seems to me that he should just be happy that you let him back and get off your case about the frustrations you are experiancing right now and allow for you to heal mind ,body and spirit! As the song goes...Love takes time to heal when your hurting so much, Old school mariah carey! Best of luck to you...Always J.
2007-11-25 22:59:05 · answer #4 · answered by J. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hes hoping things will slip back to the way they used to be..... hes wrong! Lots of things happened while you were apart and that has made your lives different, and the way you feel about each other. You need to work out if you have a future together? If you think so then you must both put the work in not just you. He cheated and you took him back. Ground rules need to be applied.
2007-11-25 22:54:47 · answer #5 · answered by Freckles2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
men are so stupid.. he didnt suffer the heartbreak.. he was in happy land with his new love for the year.... they havnt a clue... if i were you i would really really really DO WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOU...not for him or if you have kids....i remember when i took my husband back i told everyone they had to be in my situation to know how i feel.. my husband was exactly the same.. didnt want to really talk about it because he knew he was in the wrong all the time.. couldnt cope with it....im sorry but after 5 months my husband went back to his mistress..... the 5 months we were together i was so false always acting.. making sure not to make the same mistakes and making everything seem happy but it wasnt and even if it was he had his life planned out anyway.... be careful please you had moved on alot after the year separation dont rush in....good luck to you
2007-11-26 07:21:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he thinks because he is happier that u should be too. it just didn't work out with the other woman so now he's back. u will have to decide what is important to u, but if he was with her for a year, chances are in that amount of time u had plenty of time to grow resentful, and hurt. if your going to stay with him u will need therapy, and he will need to go also.
2007-11-25 22:58:01 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you don't really want him back in your life, you should not allow him to be home in the first place. My ex who has cheated on me a lot is tyring to get back but its so hard to bring myself to even like him again. so in this case, if you have the guts to let him in then there must be positive feelings of him to you otherwise even if he is your husband, when the loving feelings are completely gone- u won't take him back.
2007-11-25 23:20:20 · answer #8 · answered by jables 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That alone should tell you something. He doesn't respect you and he will do it again because you allow him to. Why aren't you happy? Why did you let him move back in? What is your problem? Do you think you deserve this? There is no love in this relationship.
2007-11-26 08:33:21 · answer #9 · answered by KSR 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is probably back because he got kicked out of his previous digs by his girlfriend. How long till he finds another???? The writing is on the wall here.
2007-11-26 00:12:51 · answer #10 · answered by lazydaysranch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋