really need advise bad
2007-11-25 21:13:41 · 11 answers · asked by dalfinsrule 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
need advise bad.
2007-11-25 21:15:24 · update #1
Who is doing the drugs you or your partner??? If its you and if you have kids then you seriously need to stop because your spouse and kids dont really need that in their lives. if its your spouse then he needs to do the same and both of you need to get some counseling. but if either one of you have chosen drugs over family then all i have to say is it will take time to forget and to move on but it can be done
2007-11-25 22:02:24 · answer #1 · answered by eyesicyblue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
It is difficult to take a call when one feels 12 years of effort and relation is getting wasted. But you need o think 3 things while this is being considered.
1. How much is your love for that person, whether you want to risk your lie and time and whatever in your attempt to work it out again?
2. Do you think there is any chance of working it out, given you give the best and most non-selfish efforts and the other person does not try at all?
3. What do you think more important is - the 12 years of past or the not-yet-known future ahead.
Love is not always happy and troublefree. People consider the state of mind called love in different ways. If the love you had initially and now for your partner had to do more with taking care or doing things and making him or her happy rather than how you are treated, then, you need to help him or her come out of it. You will find your happiness in it. But if you think you have wasted enough and you need to now think about your life rather than his or hers, you should move on. What I come to tell is, ultimately it is your and only your decision based on the 3 considerations I mentioned above. However, if you dont conciously decide to stay with your partner to help out and if you think you will not be happy, dont continue. Dont decide to stay back and sulk inside. Be honest to yourself and your partner. Decide and stay with it. You should also have some support for yourself, you must be undergoing a very bad time because of all this.
Take care..
2007-11-26 05:27:13 · answer #2 · answered by doer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is tough to give up the person you love, regardless of the reason. We do it because we know that we can not live productive lives with them.
I am sorry you have to go through that pain. I can relate, as I have been though similar myself after 12 years, also. Time helps to move on. It is not easy, but you are doing the right thing. Good Luck with a better future.
2007-11-26 05:19:29 · answer #3 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is hard and painful to help someone on drugs if you are emotionally attached to them. If you're on the drugs and that's why they left you, please leave them alone, they have suffered enough, clean up your act, and once you are SURE, find someone new, don't hurt other people with your habit. If your ex was on the drugs, and left you, then lucky you, coz you're not the one with the problem. Keep an emotional distance, find a new lover (not a substance abuser) and if you have children with this ex then make appropriate arrangements for them to have a relationship but with the necessary safety requirements depending on the type of habit. In any case good luck, and be strong.
2007-11-26 05:41:03 · answer #4 · answered by lampost blues 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Al-Anon http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ and Nar-Anon http://nar-anon.org/index.html are groups for families and friends of people with alcohol or drug problems. They're for people whether they're still with the alcoholic/drug user or if the relationship is over.
Having a relationship with someone on drugs is a very lonely place (or at least it was for me) so if you'd like to meet up with other people who've been in your situation these groups are the place to start (they have groups both online and in the real world)
I know it's hard for you just now but it's definitely possible to move on from this and you really don't have to do it all alone.
Good luck!
2007-11-26 05:56:54 · answer #5 · answered by dakinijones 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on and be thankful that you have another chance. I had to leave a partner of 4 and 1/2 years because of alcohol. That mattered more to him than my love and the love of my children, who thought of him as a surrogate father. You can't help someone who will not help themselves. I'm sorry for your loss. Good luck in future.
2007-11-26 05:17:45 · answer #6 · answered by Kathy R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
lost the love of my life to a life of drugs, and prison...very sad...we had just had a son together, when he got started using...i wasnt gonna have that in our lives, so i decided it was time to split. i honestly thought eventually, he would stop, for us, he didnt. he ended up getting a ten year prison sentence. i eventaully found someone, at the time, i was crazy about. we married, he adopted my son. over time, my ex has contacted me, we actually talk alot now. he writes daily, and his ten year sentence is almost up. he will be out in about 6 to 9 months...im soooo excited for him, and i cant wait to see him. i am scared to death, he will start using again. i have gotten so close to him again. its scary! my husband is scared to death of him, (as he is a very big, very strong, and has told my husband he will tear him to shreds)
the only thing that really helped me in the beginning, is our son, living for him, and time. time will mend just about anything that is broken...including a broken heart.
2007-11-26 07:00:06 · answer #7 · answered by poodle mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
who were YOU 12 years ago.loved &lost is better than keep losing.leave the party,go with your gut feeling,reality check.sorry for blunt but thats my experience,stand back &look at what ya want.lifes too short to be unhappy.
2007-11-26 05:36:34 · answer #8 · answered by Mike 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to be done with them because of drugs. if they can get help...be there for them. if you can leand moral support ... be there for them. if they need prayer ... be there for them. if they want a ride to re-hab .... be there for them. if not then the addiction has them and you can not be there for them. when the bottom falls out and they have lost it all or nearly all. you decide then what you can allow to be there for them. dont allow their drugs to use you.
2007-11-26 05:24:17 · answer #9 · answered by rufstuff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Advice-
If YOU are the drug user- STOP USING DRUGS NOW. Get help.
If she is the drug user, Let her go- she needs to learn for herself and you deserve better.
2007-11-26 05:21:25 · answer #10 · answered by Renesme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋