I found this poem that i wrote in high school. I enjoyed it, but that may just be because i wrote it.
He fled the field so full of flowers
to fight disdainful fiends and powers
he loaded lead and ****** his head
and saw the soldiers, still as towers
He looked upon, with cyclops' eye
one day his brother, now doomed to die
his brother ne'er returned the stare
nor thought to cry and wonder why
betrayed, begotten, be all forgotten
frail life lives on, for strong men die
honest feedback, guys. I wrote this thing about fifteen years ago. I won't be insulted if you say it sucks.
2007-11-25 20:34:41 · 5 answers · asked by geoff g 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
really touching one..good work...
2007-11-25 20:37:26 · answer #1 · answered by prasunkuls 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd say the message in it lacks unity & clairity. There is more to poetry than just stringing together a few rhymes.
2007-11-26 04:44:28 · answer #2 · answered by insignificant_other 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it a nice poem i can see a bit of the ryming and it sounds good.The poem is touching and i can see the theme of pain. its good
2007-11-26 04:48:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
pretty good actually
if you have been writing for that whole fifteen years
you should be really good by now
or so one would think
2007-11-26 04:39:39 · answer #4 · answered by xana 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it's ok i guess
2007-11-26 04:38:10 · answer #5 · answered by devonlylekinsey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋