I'm a guy, and falling in love with my bestfriend. bdw, he's a guy and straight, what should I do?

Question

we've been friends for a year, and I'm slowly falling in love with him. It hurts me sometimes, when he talks about girls coz i cant be that one, I really do like him. I was thinking to let go of this feelings, maybe its just crush but... everytime i'm alone, All I think about is him. I was thinking of moving away from him and to stop our communication, in that way i could move on further. But I really cant... everyday we're always together, we do things together and I really love to be with him. If I can't see him in a day it seems my day is not complete.

I dont want either to tell him how i feel because if he knows what I feel for him, he may be the one to keep the distance between us and it maybe difficult for me to accept that.

Right now, he's courting a girl and talks to/consults me about her a lot. It really really hurts me, but I still give good advice on how for them to become lovers.

I'm really torn.... can someone give me good advise?

Answer 1

Guy... I know exactly where you're coming from... I moved to this state about 6 months ago and have had no luck making many friends... And the only friend i did make happens to be the only guy i've ever really wanted to love... It took everything i had to tell him i was bi/gay but i did it and surprisingly enough he actually doesn't mind that. But what i can't tell him is that he is the reason why i've had to accept that. I love him. I love him more then anyone ive ever had feelings for before. He is the reason i'm bi/gay. So i know how much it hurts to love someone so much but be so terrified of losing them with something like honesty. I know how ******* sick and twisted it feels to know that its wrong to love him, but you can't help it. I want to tell you to detach yourself from him entirely because it just can't end well... but you and i both know you're holding out for that off chance he might return the feeling someday or recognize how pure it is and embrace it. But guy... he's not. Life isnt a movie. He won't change everything he is for you, and its unfair to expect him to... Sadly even though we both know that already we can't bring ourselves to cut the thread... So I'm going to tell you to do the same thing i am. Wait. Eventually since he knows im bi, he'll be bicurious because everyone is to some extent. He'll say something, even in jest. "You wanna suck my dick?" or something along those lines. And when he does, ill tell him the truth... that i love him, but i can't bring myself to do something like that for someone that can never love me. That more then anything i just want to kiss and hold him against the wall or sleep next to him just to wake up in his arms. But what he wants i can never give, because he can't love me and moreover because i love him too much to put such an act on his concscience. I dont want him to feel guilty for not feeling the same way towards me and try to pity me and i dont want him to be angry at me for feeling the way i do. That life isnt a movie and i can't expect him to come after me even as much i as i wish he would. Because unless he truly can love me for no other reason then because he does... I can't be with him, and i have to move on. Thanks for the fun times mate, it was appreciated more then you will ever know... but I can't help loving you... and i have to go... goodbye cole.

....

Once i can tell him this i'll have closure... I'd have told him how i felt and if he doesnt stop me then i can move on knowing i still have the ability to love someone and pray to god the next one is a girl... or if he by some miracle is willing to risk it all and chase after me... then im gonna ask him to prove it, right where were standing. And then i'll know. If he can bring himself to kiss me right then and there without hesitation, ill be his and only his. But If he is reluctant i know he just feels obligated to return some fraction of the feelings i have for him out of pity. And i don't want his pity, I never did. And then i can leave...albeit broken hearted... but at least my conscience will be clear... and i know there will be sunny days again so i can move on..... So yeah... i hope this helps guy... just try to be patient after you tell him youre bi/gay. Cause until he makes the first move out of bicuriousity you can't say anything... Just smile and be his friend for awhile longer and let you're heart break until that moment comes. Cause then you'll know.

Answer 2

my advice--if he's straight you have to get it in your head there is NO chance. you may even catch him in a vulnerable moment and hook up with him, but if he's truly straight, there is NO CHANCE FOR YOU. you have to be blunt with yourself about it. i would honestly tell him your feelings but maybe not HOW strongly you feel about it. because you have to spend less time with him or you will NOT help yourself and 'get over him.' you are only setting yourself up for hurt.

however, if you just stop communication with him, you could really hurt him as his friend if he has no idea why you did. And that wouldn't be kind to HIM. you have already proven that you are a great person and great friend by giving him good advice about the girl...so u seem to be the kind of person that can't be that cold as to just dissappear from his life knowing it will hurt him because he doesn't know WHY or WHAT HE DID.

Telling him you have a 'crush' on him shouldn't absolutely freak him out (does he know you are gay?) to the point that your friendship is ruined. More guys are cool about having gay male friends than most people think in my experience (once the initial shock is over.) YOu may be surprised...he may say "i know--i could tell. Im flattered, but you know i'm into women." you may be surprised. If he's a decent person, he may be distant at first but once he realizes you are the same guy, he should get back to normal. (besides, if he is not into guys at all, he should be smart enough to realize he can be friends with you and not have to worry about anything happening, because HE is in control of the situation too..he can tell you NO. IF he is too worried about it to even be around you, my guess is that he's a little curious himself and is more afraid of what HE might allow himself to do...:) )

I'd take the chance and tell him. (again, not the WHOLE story, just that you are interested but you know he's straight, etc etc) If he cuts you out of his life completely, you don't need him as your best friend--or fantasty lover--anyway.

good luck!

Answer 3

The best thing to do is to actually confront him about your sexuality tell him your gay and then you'll see whether or not he really is a good friend or not.If he says your a freak then you'll know his true colours b\c even if you were gay a real friend wouldnt care.
Confront him that your gay and see how that goes, if all goes well then give it time once everythings settled in and its settled within him that your gay then tell him how you feel about him and see how that works.
Its no good holding your feelings inside they just worse trust me I am and Im sure many others out there are living witnesses of it.
Good luck and I hope all goes well.
If everything doesnt go well then move on, you deserve better and their are plenty fish in the sea and you'll find your happiness whatever you do.

Answer 4

OK, I've been in this situation before.
Here's what you need to do:

First, think about the friendship you have with him. How strong is it? How accepting is he of you? Ask yourself if he's the kind of guy who would be completely creeped out to learn that his gay friend is crushing on him. If you really value this guy as a friend, it would suck to lose that over something like this.

Second, most straight guys are not "bi-curious". They're straight. That's why we call them straight boys. And I'm sorry to say, but straight boys, much like us gay boys, cannot be "converted".

Third, if you've thought about all this, and I mean *really* thought about it, make a decision to either tell him, or not. Just don't go into to it expecting him to dump his girlfriend for you. Not gonna happen. And if it turns out that you just can't bear to be without him, it sucks, but you might have to distance yourself from him. Try hanging out with some other friends for a while, or dating, even. See if your feelings cool down. This might all be because you're just around him too much.

And Finally, do you have any gay friends? Gay guys who spend most of their time predominately around straight guys (like me) tend to get crushes like this. I think it has something to do with the unattainability of them. The fact that you can't have them, makes you want them more. The same thing happens to some girls who have gay friends.

So like I said, think about it long and hard, if you think he'd be OK with knowing how you feel about him, go for it. Getting it off your chest might be just the relief you need.

Answer 5

If he is straight, he is not going to turn gay, so move on to someone that can return your love. If you tell him before you find someone to love, then you will probably make him uncomfortable. Just remain friends with him. The right time to tell him that you are gay will come along, but don't tell him anything about how you long for him. He will definitely avoid you.

Answer 6

Oh... I can feel your sentiments... Maybe you start by telling her the bad points of the girl... and maybe you can make him so dependent on you... be with him, and do tasks and favors for him, especially those he can't do alone... and when he will be dependent on you, you can start confessing or asking him questions about the same sex and maybe when you are drunk and tipsy, you can kiss him and he might realize the sparks, and and just say that you are only drunk, and loveless... think of crazy ideas you can do... remember, some of the best things come from crazy ideas.

Just think of all the possible things that you can do and all the possible consequences your action might bring. and because you anticipate everything that might happen, reacting to the situation and maybe accepting what happened wouldn't be that hard anymore.

when he decides if ever, to be apart from you, remember, too, that he is dependent on you... hehehe

Answer 7

knowing someone for years hmmm this enlightens people to us in ways they may never mention if he is and considers you likewise best friend then he may already know,if he doesn't he may be only a casual friend and if he is not a real friend he he'll leave but of course you wouldn't want a relationship with someone who doesn't care nor would you want to be friends with someone so closed minded.
either go for the gold or remain in hell.

Answer 8

Well a lot of so-called straight guys are really bi-curious. I mean, look at how many men there are that subscribe to men's magazines! So, maybe he will go for it.

I wouldn't, though, but that's just me.

Answer 9

Your friend may and probably does love you as well.

It is just that he may not be capable of sharing a romantic relationship with you.
What you envision may not be possible.

Attempting to change the nature of your current relationship could change how you both feel about each other and alter how you remember your shared past.. Possibly for the worst.

I would suggest you immediately look for romance elsewhere and continue to enjoy a wonderful unassuming,relationship with your friend.

Good luck!

Answer 10

wow, that some heavy stuff, well i think, that if hes your best friend, and you two are as close as you say you are, he will accept you as you are, and if he doesnt, the truth hurts, but as far as relationship-wise, its clear he's straight, so why not just try accepting the fact that he may never be your lover, but will always be your friend, and hey maybe he will help you start dating other guys! i know it hurts, but the pain will surely go away in due time! trust and believe it will!!!