need help with elderly mother?

Question

she is stubborn and refuses help and it is hurting her terribly
the more it hurts her the meaner she is to else
she has hurt herself falling
gotton sick from not following doctors orders
plz
i am appealing to all you seniors out there
what can i do

Answer 1

I suggest you contact Adult Protective Services. They will visit your mother, check if she is taking medications as directed and if she is safe in her current living situation. If they determine she needs additional services, they will assist her to find them.

Answer 2

Please talk with your mother's doctor and let him/her know the situation. She may have dementia and/or Alzheimers. People can be mean with Alzheimers, but remember it is the deterioration of the brain that causes even sweet people to become troublesome and mean.

You can also talk to the Alzheimers hotline, or call the Family Alliance for Caregivers. The will give you excellent advice. The Medicare website will be helpful too if you eventually need to find a skilled nursing facility for your mother.

Answer 3

Put an ad in the paper for in home care CNA's. They can make sure she takes her medication, help her in and out of the tub for showers, cook for her, and even spend time with her. I used to do this. Back then I got a few dollars more than minimum wage. There were 4 of us, so that she had someone there constantly except after she was put to bed for the night. The government usually helps pay for this. I know there is a limited amount they will pay though, the rest would have to come out of pocket.

Answer 4

I had this problem with my mother. I thought I could do nothing, but as it worsened, I took the bull by its horns and took her to the hospital and had her thoroughly evaluated. It turned out she was in dementia [later diagnosed as Alzheimers]..I told her she was moving...and arranged for her to enter Assisted Living at a Sunrise Facility. She had a beautiful unit in the independent living section for 4 years and now resides in their reminiscence unit. She love it there; has company 24x7; and is well cared for...and brags how she doesn't have to worry about a thing, they do it all :-) Sometimes out of family home care is not all that bad. She had fallen several times before entering Sunrise; crashed her car multiple times; was angry, depressed and not taking her meds. Now she is well cared for.

Assisted living can be expensive so unless she can qualify for Medicaid [which e very facility must accept] you may wish to look into in-home care.

Answer 5

My heart goes out to you and your mother.

There are many reasons why someone might refuse help and appear stubborn. The trick is to figure out what is going on. It's not a normal part of aging to act mean....but often an adult will feel like her children are patronizing her, treating her like a child, so the first step is to try and treat your mom with great respect, even when you disagree with the way she behaves. It can be very scary to feel like you can not care for yourself. It's important to figure out if your mother has any illness that could be affecting her thinking and emotions or if she is fully competent and resistent to family 'taking over'. Can you go with your mother when she visits her doctor? That might be a good place to start.

If you live in the US, then you have resources available to help you figure out what to do. Your local Agency on Aging has people and programs available to advise you, help you plan for ways to help your mom, and services to help your mom. There are usually caseworkers available who can visit with your mom and then suggest solutions.

Here is a website that will direct you to your local Agency on Aging:
eldercare locator, Connecting You to Community Services
National Association of Area Agencies on Aging &
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
http://www.eldercare.gov/Eldercare/Public/Home.asp

If you fear that your mother is in danger, and you can not convince her to get help, you could try calling the elder abuse line. This is a big step, but the caseworkers can evaluate her situation and take steps to help. This hotline can also connect you to local resources, so it might be a good idea to call even if you do not think your mother is neglecting herself.

National Center on Elder Abuse
Administration on Aging
1-800-677-1116
http://www.ncea.aoa.gov/ncearoot/Main_Site/index.aspx

Keep visiting with your mother, even though it can be frustrating. Find support for yourself too! You are certainly not alone in struggling to help a family member!

Answer 6

Caregiving--Meeting the Challenge :
- The Challenge of Caregiving
- How to Deal With Feelings
- Caring for the Caregiver--How Others Can Help http://watchtower.org/e/19970208/article_01.htm

This^ is a Great series of articles for those caring for the needs of others! Might I also recommend something for your Mom...?
can be put to good use in helping both her response to the offers of help, as well as your response to her negative attitude. The site gives free instructions on how to use it, both for self & others. Put <> in your URL box, & read an introduction to EFT.

Answer 7

You first of all need to find out what help she qualifies for income wise and then what you can afford and find some help to either come into the home or put her in a care facility. good luck with your mother.

Answer 8

you haven't said how old your mother is! is she in good health and mentally sound? if she is not in full control mentally, then you need to get control of her,,, and make decisions for her! but you cannot do anything for her , if she is still in control of her mental state! talk with her doctor and see if he can get through to her!
my mom is 89 yrs old and is she ever a pain to get her to the doctor! she is also very bitrer! she does take her meds! but that is about as far as it goes! lives by herself and does not have good hygiene! we try to get her to understand that she needs to take better care of herself, but you might as well talk to the wall!

so i understand your question, but i really don't have an answer for you! but knowing you are not alone helps! maybe taking her to a day adult center would help! but mine would never go there! GOOD LUCK TO YOU!

Answer 9

you have my best wishes in this bad situation but she needs to have a full physical and mental checkup and the doctor might want you to consider moving her into a nursing home!!!!

Answer 10

children refuse to help elderly mother