I've been married for 5 years. The differences between me and my husband are endless.?

Question

I have a baby boy. Our differences have always existed. My husband is totally irresponsible and lacks sensitivity. I on the other hand took pride in my superwomen capability. However, of late I have been having health problems and my expectations from my husband have increased. I know the easiest thing to do is change myself. However, everything my husband does is becoming a problem. I do not want my son to have such an example in front of him. Can someone suggest what I need to do? The problems are affecting my sanity.

Thank you folks. Many of you have suggested that I should talk. I have pulled through these 5 years only becoz I constantly counselled him to see where he went wrong. He agreed to change. For two days life would be heaven. Then the selfish acts would begin. Sometimes I wonder if relationships are like that. I know of women who put up with such behavior from their partners. I am not willing to change my ideologies (and I do have them) to suit someone's convenience. Does marriage involve changing your self, your ideologies? Someone please tell me my expectations are unfounded.

Answer 1

You married someone who is apparently needy and/or lax in his responsiblity. Apparently, you did not set proper personal boundaries at the beginning of your marriage....and i take it you didn't discuss the future, finances, sharing family responsibilities, etc.

So, you took on all the adult responsibilities and he got to remain a kid. You let him.

I'm sorry you are having health problems... it's your husband's responsiblity to take care of you "for better or worse, in sickness and health".... just as you cared for him.

Guilt won't help you. You have nothing to be guilty about. I'm sure you can't help it that you have an illness.

You didn't say exactly what your husband does which is a problem... not specifically.

If you are having problems coping, maybe tell your doctor. He might refer you to someone you can talk with for help

take care and i hope you're better soon.

Answer 2

Dont compromise anything for sanity. It is very much sad that your husband is not responding to your problems and feelings. There is no way that a man cannot be changed. Only it takes time. Make your husband think that you and your family is most important thing for him and he should care for it. Todays modern women have the capacity and capability to undertake all the responsiblity. If he still ignores then I think it is time to call off. But it will be most difficult decision which you have to make. But LOVE have the power which can change things. So, take care of him, yourself and son also. Good Luck.

Answer 3

If you love husband and still need him and also you don't want your boy to take your hubi as his example -- then please send you boy to some nice hostel or grandparents house for some period of time (without decreasing your love and affection towards you baby- show your baby all your love in all the other possible ways you have).

Sit and Talk clearly to your husband and try to figure what is in his mind. If he is not ready to take the responsibility leave him in his way for some period of time. Don't disturb him until he realizes the situation by himself.

If you don't love him and don' t need him then get divorce. But keep this as the last last chance.

Answer 4

Alot of people on here say leave him, divorce him. But I think if you love someone you should fight for what you want. This seems to be a problem that the two of you could work out if you both made changes and poss went to marriage counciling.

Answer 5

I guess all I can say is that you should talk this issue with your husband. Tell him what you're really feeling right now about this issue. Don't just stand there and do nothing. Just remember this one important thing... your son. You must talk to your husband tell him whatever you'd like him to know about his attitude so that he can change it (immediately) for his family's sake. I believe in the saying that goes, "You don't see your wife/husband's mistake/s but you just see all the goodness in him/her". Something like that I guess. But, in your case... maybe you really need to tell him what he's doing is not right anymore and he should be responsible now that he's a father already! Don't be a martyr. Fight for your right. Hoped I helped you. :)

Answer 6

Its easy to move out from a relation. It will too affect your son when he will miss his father's presence. Stop your expectations from your husband. When you will stop expecting from your husband, you will find solution for yourself. Being not well you want emotional support from him. So withdraw yourself, try and do maximum what you can. The day you will stop expecting you will be out of your problem. I know it is easy said then done. but all the problems start arising when we expect from other people.

Answer 7

Marriage Counseling.
A professional can work with the two of you throughout all the problems including emotional, physical problems, and of course communication skills so that the two of you can work it out and compromise on things. It really does work.

Answer 8

You said for yourself, that you knew that there was differences. I was told from a lawyer,'' you married it, now you have to pay us to get rid of it''. I never forgot that. If you knew how he was before hand, why do you expect anything different from him? Before I let another human being take my sanity, I would leave and bid him a farewell.

Answer 9

Be calm n do your work as you want.Dont depend on your husband and be happy with your son.Dont even think that you dont do work without your hubby n it might realize your huuby that what he is doing.And never creat a situation of argument and specialy in front of your son.

Answer 10

moving out of the relation is no doubt u must have already considered....but thinking over it again it appears ur husband is only irresponsible...the best way is the wait and watch approach...try living separately ..see does he change to be a responsible person...if not...dump him...some people refuse to change ...