My folks saved me last thurs from my bf's apartment coz he was getting a little out of hand with me, trying to get violent with me and was showing no respect when he talked to me. Now my mom wants me to end the r/s with him. My bf is suffering from depression so when he got violent, the only way i could think of was to get away from him. This , according to his friends, relatives and family doctor that I should have stayed around with him. I tried to calm him down , it was useless coz he looked very provoked. If he so claimed he loves me so much, why would he wanna lay hands on me ? I met him again today after 4 days of being apart, he told me I shouldn't have gone with my parents the other day, coz now for me to come back and stay with him is gonna be difficult. I'd like to help this poor guy recover from depression with my help of being around for him. But how can I convince my folks to allow me to stay with him again ?
2007-11-25 17:54:59 · 12 answers · asked by Arpengenie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm 31 and he's 30...we have to do something about us if we really wanna be together... Ive been giving him chances and each time he failed me by resorting to violence (like pushing me to the floor, pinning me down to the bed & sat on me, throwing things in the house, cutting himself with sharp objects etc) , I just wanna be away from him. But his family thinks otherwise coz they feel that I only know how to run away from problems instead of being around to help him ! My dad even commented that I should be mixing with a better level of people, not someone like him That hurt me a little despite everything coz I had never really judged him, even though I know if I follow this guy, my life ahead will be tough. On the other hand, how to break away from this emotionally..?
2007-11-25 20:00:59 · update #1
forget convincing your parents, why do you want to go back? He sounds mentally unstable and any guy that is willing to lay his hands on you is disgraceful. Run and don't look back from this guy, let him find someone else to be his punching bag.
2007-11-25 17:59:05 · answer #1 · answered by Roxanne G 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do you not see the trend starting? I know the last thing you want is another lecture but seriously... just because he has a depression problem doesn't mean you're at fault and should be subject to his abuse and I find it hard to believe that a doctor would tell you stick around just because he's depressed. That doesn't give him the OK to lay a hand on you or get violent!
I know a lot of people out there that are very depressed and have yet to hurt anyone and are actually trying to get help.
You need to stay with your parents until he starts receiving help for his depression. If he can prove to you that he is willing to try and see someone that he can talk to or get on some sort of medication then you can consider going back.
Just remember, your parents have YOU in their best interest.
2007-11-25 18:10:30 · answer #2 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your guy needs help from a doctor and you can just stay with him in your relationship but now staying in his house ! It is dangerous for you .Just show him your support , but do not trust again , or maybe if this time he does the same thing or even worse to you , you wont be able to forget or forgive .
Give hime time to get better with the help of a psychologist then decide if you wanna stay with him or not .
If you stay with him at his house it is like you wanna save a man who is drawning in the sea without knowing how to swim !
So take him to a doc and let the professional help him
2007-11-25 18:04:43 · answer #3 · answered by Sherry 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ITA w/ the previous replies. Chances are good he will hurt you badly next time - why go back and let him hurt you??
Also, it sounds like he was warning you that he will make it hard for you if you move back with him. "I met him again today after 4 days of being apart, he told me I shouldn't have gone with my parents the other day, coz now for me to come back and stay with him is gonna be difficult."
Get out of this while you still can.
2007-11-25 18:22:27 · answer #4 · answered by moomommy24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend isn't a very safe person for you to associate with right now... and until he gets some help, therapy and/or learns to control his anger, you are best to avoid him.
He probably learned this behavior growing up -- that's how it usually goes.
Your parents are trying to do what is best for YOU...and if you were my daughter, I would advise you to stay home and away from this guy.
Victims of domestic violence often give lame excuses for their abusers -- such as the one you gave: "he's depressed"... hell, i've been depressed for 40 years, and haven't hit anyone! Victims of violence also believe it won't happen again.
Maybe check into his family history -- you'll probably find a cycle of domestic violence/abuse there.
take care of YOU.. that is what your parents are trying to tell you.
2007-11-25 18:02:38 · answer #5 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he's a physopath. Friends and parent should recommended him seeing a physiologist. He's in 30's and I think he's matured enough to think between right and wrong unless he's a mommy's boy. Move on with your life and I believe there's a lot of better guys for you outside.
2007-12-02 04:24:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to your family they are only looking out for you. This guy needs to fix himself, you can't do it for him. Don't risk losing your life to see if he gets better, make him get better first. If you go back you may not get another chance to leave so think about that real hard, before you make any decisions.
2007-11-25 18:45:05 · answer #7 · answered by dcdaniel1968 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say how old you are and that might be the deciding factor. Look past your emotions and try to see things rationally. Will this guy hurt you? He can't really love you if he might hurt you. He needs professional help that you cannot provide.
2007-11-25 18:43:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them that it doesn't matter if he hits you... you love him and are gonna try to make it better even if one day in his craziness he kills you.
That'll do it.
Or you can have a little love for yourself and not go back with him until he learns how to control himself... maybe he's not following his treatment the way he should... or maybe he needs his medications changed.
2007-11-25 18:15:28 · answer #9 · answered by BitterSweet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen your PARENTS will always Love you and do whats best for you....This guy sounds like a real creep, I wouldn't waste a second on him. One bad day for him could be a Final Day for you.....Find someone else and move on...
2007-11-25 17:59:34 · answer #10 · answered by Mona Lisa 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋