My girl looks at me different how do i tell her what happened to me she will never know
2007-11-25 17:36:39 · 17 answers · asked by austin m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Maybe she's not ready to hear about the hell you've been through. It takes a mature person to understand and empathize with a returning combatant. I suggest you find a support group who you can talk to about your experiences. It's understandable that you've changed and so will the relationship. Time is the only thing that can heal your psyche so be patient and try not to feel guilty for not being your old self any time soon.
2007-11-25 17:45:59 · answer #1 · answered by CiCi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe it's possible to keep things the "same" when one or both people have changed. It's now on a different level - for the good or bad. Hopefully your relationship is going to grow and continue to change as you progress in life. Relationships that do not change typically fail anyway... and those who don't believe a relationship will change are in for a big surprise!
My dad was a Vietnam vet and he saw many things in life he would NEVER talk about. He had flashbacks and sadly, my mom woke up more than once with my dad's hands around her throat - he was having nightmares and thought he had the "enemy" in his hands... so, you can only imagine that he saw a lot of bad things and clearly had done "bad" things. He was a Christian that couldn't hurt a fly and was told he wouldn't be put on the front lines - but, in time of war, you don't always get the situations you'd prefer. My mom saw my father as a different man after he returned. She said what he saw, the drugs he did, the other things he didn't talk about - all made him a different man. However, she loved him and stayed with him - doing her best to understand what he went through, even though it was his choice not to disclose everything that happened.
My advice to you is to accept that you've seen and done things that most people won't fully comprehend. These things are required of you, but no one thinks any less of you - and if anything, I know most people are very grateful for those sacrifices. It is hard on the loved ones you return to - because they don't know always what to say or do... because they weren't with you - perhaps there is some guilt there because they couldn't protect you from the many bad things you encountered.
I hope that you are able to take the time to just open up and share your experiences with your girl - letting her know that you trust her and love her and you want her to know what happened. Let her know that you are still the same guy that loved her when you left and that you love her still - maybe you love her more because she remained faithful to you and stayed waiting for your return? I would say it's best to share what you can as you can - and be honest about things.
One other thing - thank you for serving our country. Thank you for your sacrifices. I wish you all the best and hope that your relationship becomes stronger and deeper.
2007-11-26 02:02:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just give it time, things will work out but it will never be the same as was in the past but you will have to get used to it and you will probably not want to tell your girl friend or anyone else exactly what happened to you especially for a long time. I went through the Korean war as an infantryman when I was 17 and 18 years old. I decided to stay in the army and a few years later I spent 3 years in Vietnam. and spent a total of almost 27 years with the army. I am 73 years old now and most people have no idea of the things that have happened to me. Good luck and God bless you.
2007-11-26 01:51:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well my brother first let me say thank you for serving this great country! Being in a war zone for extended periods of time will change anybody. Anyone who has seen death or dealt it on the battlefield would rather be at home doing (anything you say here) and not this war stuff. Or a guy could enjoy the opportunity to kill every day and that is what war is about. Not quite the same as being at the sonic hanging with your girlfriend. Again thank you for serving. No matter what you thought about serving it will always mess with you but you can come to terms with it. Take the rearview mirror of your life, and point it to the roof of this ride called your life and let it all go. Keep your soldier mind where your *** is. Let go and accept the past and forgive self and others. Look ahead to what you will create with your life.
Talk to a professional and to your girl.
Ask her what she is thinking & tell her your fears and of your love for her-if you have it.
Without being back from war- we people simply change over time and we all grow-some more than others-and in any direction. We can grow in our relationships and grow as humans. The natural process sometimes will cause us to drift apart in relationships and sharing your truths with her will either bring you together or set you free.
You have to give up first base to get to second-it is a risk but a necessary one.
Also be clear with her of your intentions.
Be vulnerable and share with someone your memories that haunt you and know that in war it is you or it is them and we all must die but we work for later.
It is a natural process in war.
Join a support group-simply call the VA for a great one.
-God Bless you.
2007-11-26 01:55:34 · answer #4 · answered by Bc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer is - you don't. If you've changed than there's no way the relationship could have not changed in some way. The thing to do is to work on making it as strong as it was, even if under different circumstances. You might end up with something better and more mature in the process.
The important thing is to talk. Tell your girlfriend the things that happened to you (even the grim ones). It'll help her understand the new you and your changed reactions to things. And it will bring you closer again.
Good luck.
2007-11-26 01:43:12 · answer #5 · answered by meow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome home. I am so glad you are back and safe. I really don't have an answer for you. I doubt if your relationship can be the same as before you left. That doesn't mean it can't be just as good or even better, just different.
I don't think anyone who hasn't been through what you have can understand. It must have been horrible. I do think you should talk to her and tell her your feelings. Even though she may not understand it may be of some help to you.
Also, give her time to adjust, as you may seem different to her.
Good luck and thank you for protecting us and our country.
2007-11-26 01:44:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have changed from being in combat! your life has changed also. you can not go back, you will need to start fresh from now! my nephew went over there also and he came back, his new wife cheated on him, ran around , spent his money, and who knows what else! so i understand why he would have problems with a relationship! but an adult will work out any changes that come along! my nephew never tells what went on over there! and we don't ask. cause it is difficult to tell someone how scared you are, or if you had to defend yourself! some do not understand that! but i praise each and everyone of you for going into battle to keep our nation the very best in the world! thank you from the bottom of my heart and God bless you!
2007-11-26 01:43:56 · answer #7 · answered by momma_m_47280 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let your war experience undermine your civilian life. Nothing will change unless you act completely different. There are a few nuances that might be different, but that is okay because you've been through... wait. So did u fight in Iraq? If you did, then the first thing is not to sweat about it.
2007-11-26 01:41:37 · answer #8 · answered by freed hat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when my husband got back from iraq we werent married yet, we had some problems in the begining but we still got married 2 months after he got home. he had some adjustments to make and sometimes talking about what he experianced over there helps out more than you would think. just tell her what happened. just make sure you watch your temper and please dont take things out on her if your having a bad day. my husband tends to do that sometimes and its hard...but i try to understand that he just went through something REALLY tough. so..if you are both willing to try to work on things and understand eachothers point of views...you should be okay. hopefully she trys to be understanding with you and not look at you in a different way when you tell her what happened. i wouldnt tell her EVERYTHING, make sure you censor it a little for her. good luck. i hope i helped.
2007-11-26 01:46:34 · answer #9 · answered by kelli w 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People are going to Iraq and are seeing some bad stuff, stuff the average person will never see in a lifetime. and alot of those people are very young. you should see a counselor to help you, not just you, but everyone that comes back from Iraq. good luck to you.
2007-11-26 01:40:00 · answer #10 · answered by Boo Radley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋