I need help ASAP??

Question

Well, I asked a question yeesterday about my husband and step daughter.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...
Well,today I started to bring the subject up to him. He asked me what was wrong and I told him. "I need alittle help, I know you work, but I could even use a few hours a week to myself." I told him that its very hard to raise a colicky baby with severe Acid Reflux all by myself plus take care of your daughter who refuses to listen to me. And that I cant chase her around all day while the baby is screaming, vomiting and crying.When he does get home the first thing he does is crack open a beer. Which is fine but, then Im left to care for his daughter all weekend long.Im not her Mother, so it makes it hard for me to disapline her.She just wont listen and does nothing but disrespect me, and my family.I have my son to care for, if she refuses to listen to me, CONTINUED BELOW>

and her Mother and father wont help me, then I feel its not my responsibility. I told him if Im watching his daughter all weekend long, he needs to give me time to myself to unwind and relax for a few hours. But right after I talked to him, he went to go hang out with his buddy and drink. I have been sick for a week or so, and he has not helped me for even 5 minutes.. Before I got pregnant he was a different person. I was excited about having his child, but not he neglects our son.People keep telling me I have to deal with his daughter. I have tried every approach I possibly could with her. Nothing works. She is out of control and they wont do anything. So Im the one that has to deal with it on the weekends with a 5 month old baby.And my son no matter what comes first, not him not his daughter. MY SON. Help please.

Yea I know he works, but he gets to relax and do whatever he wants after work and on the weekends. I have no time at all to myself to unwind. Im pretty much a single Mom, but with added stress taking care of an out of control 10 year old, and a husband who neglects me and my son. My parents have even made comments on how I do everything and he offers no help.

Its to the point to where I dont want her around him for 1 I dont trust her 2 I dont want him picking on her behavior.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AmmkfMZ9rzw8H9L5ex3.MOnsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071125001447AAqPyPb

No I treated her like my own, but she keeps getting worse because Mom and Dad wont do anything about her or disapline her. I always treated her like she was my own. But Im not her Mother i cant overstep my boundries. Yea i call her my step daughter because she is. She's not my child, she has a Mother, and my son always comes first, he is my son, my blood, the one I gave birth to.So no matter what he's always first.

Answer 1

You need to sit him down and tell him in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that you are at the end of your rope. Not only are you a new mother but the fact that you are dealing with his child should be reason enough for him to be kind and gentle and offer help. Being a mother is a full time job and I'm not even a mother (and I'm middle aged) and I know that!!!!! He should know it too... more than full time. Don't accept this. And further.. you can discipline his daughter in any way you see fit if you are the only caretaker. Put her in time out.. withhold toys etc. She is not your keeper.. you are hers.. Don't be afraid of a ten year old and don't be afraid of how you take care of her when your husband is doing nothing... if he has problems with it then tell him to do it himself.
Picture a warm, loving , gentle husband who comes to your aid and takes care of you... is your husband that? If not, then change things!
Good luck.. wish I were there to kick some sense into him.

Answer 2

You are the perfect babysitter for two people that didn't want a child in the first place, a step mother. If you have family to go to, leave with your son. Take your stuff, your son, go to your family, and then see if that gets his attention. THEN sit him down and negotiate time for him to:

1. Help around the house with chores
2. Babysit both of HIS kids so you can have some mommie time
3. Get a babysitter so you can have couple time.
4. Agree to the proper discipline for the daughter so that there is no confusion as to what the biological parents believe is proper for you to punish her with. If she still will not follow your directions, then the mother will have to get custody or the Dad will have to man up and deal with it or you are leaving.
5. How much sex each of you expect from the other one.

If the two of you can not agree on these items and compromise for the good of the family, then the family is no more.

Answer 3

Wow. I have a 10 yr. old daughter, and my husband has a 13 yr old daughter and a 19 yr old son. I am the only parent here when the kids are here. They all have to spend time with they're other parents though, so I do get a break. But my husband lately seems to 'disappear' every time his daughter is here. (which is every other weekend during the school year). I've been getting VERY upset about it, and my moms advise was to plan something for just me and my daughter and let him know ahead of time that we won't be home, and that'll leave him with his daughter. My problem with that is I love his daughter. I'm afraid that would hurt her feelings more than it would make a point to him. Obviously your siuation is a little different. For you, if at all possible, I would definately plan a weekend (his weekend) away with your son. Maybe stay at your parents? Then he'll be left to care for his daughter. Maybe then he'd see how tiring it really is, and see how much of a beast she can be......

Answer 4

First off the 10 yr. old is both of your responsibilities and she needs attention also. You need to talk to your husband and tell him your stresses. This is not a your problem his problem situation this is a family situation. He needs to appreciate you more and realize that you are at a breaking point. Both of you cannot neglect the other child just because a baby is now in the house. The 10 year old is acting out for attention. Give her the positive attention that she is seeking. Try to get your husband to give you a schedule of one day a week where you get out of the house for a certain amount of time. For example, he can drink with friends on Tuesday and Friday, you can go shopping etc. on Saturday for x amount of hours. Relationships are about compromise and dealing with issues as a team, they are not one sided. All parties have to do their part. Also, you can hire a babysitter and have date night every other week for the two of you. It sounds like you are drifting apart. Best of luck!

Answer 5

You are true about your son picking up her habits, Maybe if you discipline her, the mother will began to keep her home. I would tell them both, if they can not help with raising their out of control daughter, then they should keep her home. Before he pops the top on that brew, sit the baby in his lap and tell him,'' I'm going out for awhile to unwind with my friends''. Leave and don't look back. Have your clothes already on, before he get home. When you get back, if he start any crap, tell him that you have had enough of raising a child alone. If you have to be a single mother, then let you know right now so you can take the proper step you have to take in order for you and the child that he never spend time with to make it. Be strong, don't back down and don't be scared.

Answer 6

I'm so sorry you're in that situation. Honestly, sweetie, I would leave him. No one deserves to be treated that way. I don't know what you were responding to about him working and that's some excuse for him to lounge around drinking beer when he gets home, but that's BS. Your child is BOTH parents responsibilities, not yours. You are responsible for the baby when your husband is working, but when he gets home, it needs to be 50/50. In fact, he should take the baby as soon as gets home and give you a break. We have 4 kids and I am a stay at home mom. When my husband gets home, we go outside together and talk about our days for about 20mins (no kids around), then we go in and he takes the baby or plays with the boys, whatever, and totally expects me to grab a magazine and read or something. He recognizes how hard it is to raise children all alone all day. He helps cause he loves me and he respects my job. You deserve that kind of love and respect. I would leave.

Answer 7

have your parents watch your son for you. call a friend and make plans for a girls night. even if it's for coffee. get yourself lookin good so you feel confident. drop your son off before he gets home, and when he walks through the door from work kiss him on the cheek, and leave him there to deal with his little monster! if he's gonna treat you like the nanny you may as well act like one and quittin time is when he gets home! best of luck to ya honey.

Answer 8

Well if he went out drinking after you talked to him I think that's a strong indication he's not going to change. Decide if you can live like this and if not, move on. You really should be with someone who supports you more then financially.

Answer 9

Your step daughter treats you bad, because you let her. Pop her butt like a parent should and she'll straighten up after she gets the message that you are serious.

By the way, you are not watching his daughter on t he weekends. You are raising your kids. You married him, you took on his family. That means his family is your family, including his daughter. You keep excluding her when you talk about your son, I wonder if she doesn't treat you bad, because you treat her bad.

Answer 10

u can't treat your step daughter as your own, cos she is not your own. also u can't discipline her. she is not yours. and she has all the rights not to listen to u - u re just a stranger. so if i were u i would explain that to my husband and tell him that HIS DAUGHTER comes to see HIM on weekends. not u. so u have nothing to do with her. so if i were u i would pretend she didn't exist. just ignore her. she is his daughter, he should take care of her. and also she comes to see him and spend time with him. about your baby and hubby helping u - people here re right. he is working. u stay at hom. it is your work to watch after your kid. he needs to unwind after work. when i got first kid i was studying at uni. then i got second kid. so i had 2 kids - one new born and one 1,5 years old. and was studying at uni. and that bastard never helped me. so what? i finished uni anyway and took care of kids and i didn't die. so u have to take care only of 1 kid and u don't need to study. take a grip of yourself woman