How do we deal with a crack addict?

Question

My former daughter-in-law is a crack addict. She was clean for 8 months and has relapsed twice in the last month. She and my son have 2 children together. Her most recent relapse has devastated us. My son did not run to her rescue for the first time since this has all begun after this most recent relapse. He is suffering so - he still loves her dearly but doesn't know what to do - none of us do. My husband thinks we should just tell her she's made her choice - the drugs over her family. I fear her children are being irrepairably (spelling??) damaged by all this. My son has a wonderful job and is always - always deep in debt! what should we do?

Answer 1

How awful! If I was your son, I would kick her out of the house and tell her that until she straightens her life up, she's not going to ruin her children's and husband's life. He should be there for her by phone and such and let her visit, but she needs to have something taken away as punishment to see there are consequences to her actions. She needs therapy and a drug rehab program. He needs to not give her any more money than maybe bare survival needs. Your poor son. It is his wife until death but it doesn't mean that he needs to house her if she's going to hurt her family so much.

Answer 2

I will give you one source to look at but the bottom line is that she has to go into a treatment center and get help or he has to realize that the person he loved is gone and what he sees instead is the addict. The children are being hurt by this because they may try crack eventually because she is. I hope this site helps but you can also put crack addiction in your search engine and find others, perhaps closer to where you are. It is hard for a person to quit and too often they die before they are able to quit but there are some that make it so hopefully she can be one of them. If you talk to her when she is off the drugs get her to go to that site, and I will give you one more for self esteem in case that is why she is using as well. Hope she can get help and perhaps they can even get back together since he loves her but he shouldn't until she does get the help!!

Answer 3

I think you should give this more time. Addiction is a disease. It's very difficult to get off. 2 years seems more reasonable to me. If by 2 years she isn't clean and going strong, then I'd start w/ the ultimatums.

And the children will be okay, it's more important to have a crack addict mom around than no mom at all.

Answer 4

I am sorry you and your family are going through this. She has to want help for herself though. I would try to talk to her to see if she is interested in getting back into a rehab program. Just give her one more chance. If she screws up again, then I would do what your husband says. I grew up with a father who was on drugs (and still is to this day) and it is hard. I don't believe addicts are choosing the addiction over their families. In general, yes, they are. But in reality, no they aren't. You can't just break an addiction over night. I've never been on drugs but like I said I lived with this for years.

Answer 5

Your husband is right. You need to turn away from her, tough as it sounds. She may or may never recover, crack is so hard to get off. In the meantime you need to build a life for all of you without her, it is kinder for the kids in the long run.
Try talking to Narcotics Anonymous or a similiar group. They are there to help families of addicts adjust and make the right decisions just like this. You will find invaluable support from people who are going through exactly what you are going through.

Answer 6

I have too, come into contact with a crack addict. After, picking them up and dusting them off, they will still have to want it bad enough for themselves. I know it reads harsh to say this... but she has to hit rock bottom. He have to protect the kids and set rules of her coming in and out, tearing up their lives. There will be damage to the kids, no doubt about it, that is why you should take them to a good child therapist. I hate to say this, But I learned, people like her, bring a bad omen around. If he let her go and concentrate on his life and his kids, the bills will work itself out. I know he loves her, but once he make it up in his mind to move on and help himself, he'll feel much better. He might not ever want to take another chance on her again. I didn't!

Answer 7

like you said she has made her choice. remove and take full custody of the children as she is currently not safe to be around and cut all ties for the time being.

its going to be the hardest thing on her and you but you need to take care of the children, they are more important and while she is on drugs they are not safe and your son is also suffering. it will be so hard for him but he needs to cut all ties until she cleans up her act, maybe this will be a good motivation for her to get clean. Good Luck i hope it works out.

Answer 8

The truth will set you free-
Let go of her if she is using-
She will lie and steal from you or anyone at any time.
Crack must be really good too bad it is only a break from reality and their lives suck. If you enable her to use then you are helping her to her grave, prison or treatment.
It is up to her again she will lie to your face on your death bed and to anyone else and did I mention steal?
Some crack fans can hold jobs until a weeklong jag on that disconnect from life that it provides.
God bless you and her!

Answer 9

walk away. you don't need to say jack to her.

you think she doesn't already know she chose drugs over her family????

as heartbreaking as it is, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

your son is doing the right thing by not running to help her. he needs to get his life together without her. she is a lost cause.

Answer 10

Tell her own family everything and let them step in. If they don't, call social services and take parental rights away through family court.