How many times should you forgive a cheating spouse?

Question

I have been married for eight years and just recently found out about my husbands second affair (that i know of) should i forgive him? because my husband is a good man he takes care of home and besides two affairs out of eight years of marriage isn't all that bad right because let's face it no man is completely faithful, are they?

Answer 1

let's face it -- he doesn't respect you, nor do you respect yourself. but hey, if he has the bucks you can use him for his money? whatever works.

Answer 2

There's a saying ...

"Do it once - shame on YOU"!

"Do it twice - shame on ME" !

Meaning .. let the first time GO .. but no more times after that. The first time is the person who did the bad deed fault. The second time .. is the fault of the person who it was done to .. if they take it any more.

Actually ... when a person cheats on their spouse .. it is up to every individual spouse as to what they could/would take .. and put up with.

Some spouses could NEVER .. EVER .. let their spouse come back around them again when they have been cheated on. The cheating spouse would be history.

Other spouses .. can tolerate the cheating spouse. They get over it. They can handle the cheating. They justify the cheating.

Yes !! .. some men are completely faithful !! In fact, I have seen quite a few of faithful men. Not all men cheat.

For some people .. 'one' affair is too much .. and many marriages never recover from it.

It all depends on the person about the forgiveness of affairs. Every person has to live their own life according to what they want to put into their lives.

Lots of men have affairs .. and never have the intention of ever leaving their wife or home life .. they just like affairs. There can be consequences to affairs ... diseases happen .. jealous husbands can intervine .. real love can form .. and it is imorral .. and is considered as adultry.

Every person has to decide what they can live with. The decisions a person puts into their life, determines their life.

Answer 3

For men it's a ego trip and a double standard. When men cheat on their wives it's always "he's a man and a man is going to mess around regardless" but when it's a woman, she's always labeled as a whore and how could she do that. It's not fair but that is the way it is, if I cheated on my husband he would have a fit and I'd probably wouldn't be answering your question right now. I would forgive my husband one time and one time only. If it happened again, either I'm gone or he's gone. You can kick me in the *** one time believe me you won't do it twice. If you TRULY love your wife, sit down with her and talk to her. See what led her to this guy maybe it was something that you or she could have resolved if you had an open line of communication. When you feel that the other person is cheating, don't be afraid to ask. As for your friend, he's not a sissy, he is a MAN who loves his wife and can find it in his heart to forgive her but don't think for one moment he will forget, because you never do.

Answer 4

You are giving excuses to yourself to forgive your husband. Do forgive him if you want to stick with him, but be prepared to have more tears and heartbreaks. You've got a 50/50 chance that it will work out to your favor in the end. If you can't stand his cheating, doesn't love him, don't want to live in ??? all the time, and is prepared to leave, then one cheating is more than enough. It is your decision to make.

BTW, FYI, if a man admits that he cheats and there is no real reprecussion, it will only encourage him to ignore his spouse even more and cheat some more -cos' there is nothing to lose. Therefore, if you choose to stay, you better have one eye shut and don't ask.

Answer 5

Forgive but don't condone. You have to make it so that he doesn't want to do it again because of the outcome. 20 years ago I would have told a cheating spouse to take a hike. Today I would forgive and go on with life. Divorce and all that goes with it is one of the last things I want to go through again. That's not to say that you can't delve out some punishment though. Don't just make it one of those 10 year punishments that keep referring back to the time you cheated on me. Make it a good punishment and get it over with. If he wont call the cops on you smack him across the face with a broom handle and make a mark that he has to wear out in public. Tell his mother on him. Do something that will let him know you wont put up with it and maybe a little public embarrassment. Tell the story about Lorena Bobbitt. Above all realize that he is giving in to temptation, having fun etc.. it has very little to do with you as far as the reason he is doing it. You have to make it all about you for the reason that he wont do it in the future. Now for legal reasons I have to withdraw my suggestion that you smack him with a broom stick. (-;

Answer 6

hi there.. what i can suggest is that you forgive him.. i'm pretty sure that you do not want to forgive him, but because you love him and you have a family, you want to forgive him and start all over again.. however, before you are going to officially forgive him, you will have to let him make a decision.. that if you ever catch him cheating again, you are going to leave him. because if he loves you, if he treasures your relationship, if he respects you as his wife, then he will not cheat on you.. also, ask him why he is cheating.. there should be a reason.. and whatever reason that is, talk about it and compromise.. ask him if he still loves you or not.. ask him what makes him do that.. ask him what you should do so that he won't cheat on you.. if he doesn't cooperate to get your marriage working, then you should be better off alone..

Answer 7

Two strikes in only 8 years? I am always amazed at what women will put up with! Any children in your marriage? If not, good because he certainly can't teach a child anything about love, committment, integrity, loyalty and the like.
On the other hand he can teach lying, hiding, transgressing basic vows, etc, etc, etc.........get the idea.
For your sake I pray there are no children involved. You may do as you see and believe to be the right thing for you but he has proven his character is severely flawed.
You say you know of 2 indescretions, how many do you not know about??

Answer 8

What's wrong with you? You just said he cheated on you not once but TWICE?! Honestly, don't you have some self worth? Are you so used to his company that you're willing to over look the fact that he's making a fool out of you? What is wrong with women now a days?! You say he's a good man, but a good man doesn't cheat on his wife my dear. Stop making it ok for him to lie and cheat on you. Be a real woman and stand up for yourself. Good luck, you'll need it.

Answer 9

"How many times should you forgive a cheating spouse?" I don't know how many YOU are willing to do so...if my spouse cheated on me his clothes would be on the front lawn and all the locks on the doors/windows would be changed when he got home from work. I guess if you don't mind him not respecting you and using you as a doormatt that it's fine for you...I simply have too much self respect and honor myself to allow myself to be used by anyone that way.

Answer 10

He is totally disrespecting you, and you are letting him. Since there are no real consequences for his actions, he will keep on doing what he's doing.
I was cheated on by my first husband after 4 years. We had a one year old son. He married the woman he cheated with, had a child with her, then slept around on her too. He is currently in the process of a third divorce, and claims not to know what is going wrong in each of his marriages.
This guy isn't going to change. So what if he provides for you? If you are willing to overlook his cheating ways and pretend to be happy in exchange for financial accomodations, then you are basically pimping yourself out. Try sleeping around on him and see how it makes him feel. If he's okay with it, he doesn't love you at all. If he gets mad, then he's only concerned with his own happiness, and he still doesn't love you at all.
By the way, if you know about 2 affairs, I'd be willing to bet there are quite a few more you don't know about. I understand wanting to hang on to a relationship - I tried too with my first husband. It really isn't worth it. There are plenty of men out there who will love and respect you, and who won't cheat on you. Good luck!

Answer 11

I've got to agree with Jay Double You. It's annoying when people think that there are no men who are completely faithful because there are. The one excuse that I really hate hearing cheaters use is "I didn't mean for it to happen ...it just did". What a load of crap!!!! The thought was always in their mind or they wouldn't have let it happen. When you truly love another....nothing will tempt you to cross the line...nothing!!! You get one chance at forgiveness...that's it. If you mess up again then I say "I can't hear what you're saying because your actions speak louder than words". GOODBYE.