My husband and I have a good sex life, but my idea of foreplay and his are very different. I've tried to talk to him about this, but he really thinks as long as I have an "O", it's ok. I want more kissing and touching other areas, if you know what I mean. He seems to just go for it and I usually do have a "O", but if he would take a little more time, then it would be more intense and be multiple. I guess, I would like to be teased, touched, and made love to, instead of just "sex".
I know there are alot of wives/husbands that are not getting any, so am I being petty?
2007-11-25 16:50:23 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have you ever tried to force foreplay on him? You could prevent penetration and make him work for it. Personally, I feel that foreplay is not overrated. Once he gets hard, he has one goal in mind. Therefore, he will not say, "This is taking too long! I give up!" Like I said, make him earn it.
2007-11-25 16:57:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like this guy is missing some very basic difference in the ways men and women enjoy sex.
1. If sex were a sneeze, men's idea of "a good sneeze" would be a an "ah" or two followed by a big, explosive CHOOOOOO! They'd be perfectly happy to skip the "ah, ah" part and go straight for the CHOO. Most women, if they had to skip half the sneeze, would opt for skipping the CHOO and having lots and lots of ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. As Sam Kinnesin used to say, it's like taking the baby for a ride in the car. Baby doesn't care if we never reach the destination, baby just likes to ride.
2. Sex is not some sort of competitive sport where the female's orgasms are points and he "proves" what a "skillful player" he is by "racking up points" as "efficiently" as possible.
3. A man who can't take instruction and direction from his lady, can't watch and listen for and respond to HER signals is NEVER going to please her. Being forced to have an orgasm before you really WANT to let go and have it is more like rape than fun.
If you've already explained these things until you're blue in the face, then it's time to start playing the "time out" card.
When he rushes you, just bring play to a stop. Tell him things were getting too intense too fast and you need a few minutes to get relaxed. Try to spend that few minutes gently cuddling & nuzzling, coaching him to hold you and gently caress you and say sweet things to you. If he starts rushing things again, then remind him that he's supposed to be letting you relax and get back in the mood, not rushing you, and make him start all over again from the beginning. Maybe even disappear into the bathroom for a few minutes -- long enough for him to wonder if something is "wrong" and worry that he isn't going to "get any" after all.
But if he is patient for five minutes or so, then YOU initiate further intimacy, something more than cuddling and gently caressing. If he "cuts to the chase" again, then call a time out again. Give him 3 or 4 chances (or until he's wasted available private time) and then call the whole thing off until next play session. Make sure that YOU ask for playtime on a regular basis so he can't accuse of not wanting sex.
If you two aren't in the habit of having "The Mandatory Post Nookie Cuddle Conversation" yet, then start. EVERY time you play, afterwards you should be LOVINGLY talking about what you liked best, what you'd rather NOT do again, what you'd like to do differently next time.
And remember to do your part. It's a lot easier to tell someone that they are doing something wrong that it is to teach them how to do it right.
2007-11-25 17:36:47 · answer #2 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say, if you don't know how to tell him face to face, call him on the phone and tell him that you want to show him something. Show him what you like. Start with foreplay all day long. Show him that it starts or could start from the time you wake up, until the time you hit the pillows. Tell him that what you are doing is good, but you need to feel more of him, love and caring too. He needs to know that if he keep up with the '' get right to it'' sex. It will soon fizzle out. You are not being petty. It is lonely when you can't feel the fullness of intimacy. My recent ex. was a wild lover, I had to try to slow him down, then he liked to say things that fit a street person ( for my taste) He was never soft, I had to tell him not to kiss so hard that it hurt, he didn't listen and I stop having sex with him. I hated to have him come onto me. So please tell him what you want, before it goes to far.
2007-11-25 17:07:16 · answer #3 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No.. you are not being petty.. variety and spicing things up are the key to a happy sexual relationship...
Ok, lol.. I'm so going to tell on myself here...
One trick to use is to somehow let him know that tonight will be a little different.. you be in "control"... in other words, you initiate, you let him kiss.. when his hands start going uh, where you don't want them to yet, push them away but in a way where you are still inviting him.. let deep kissing, but holding his hands back.. or moving his hands to where you want them to be... if he's doing something like visiting downtown, tell him exactly "where to walk" and "how to walk" lol... . I can't get too descriptive here, but follow this same pattern throughout the "session" if you will.. keep making him hot, rewarding him with what you want him to do.. and being in control of the situation.. by doing that, you can teach him what you do like..
2007-11-25 16:58:43 · answer #4 · answered by Wildflower 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, its not petty to look to your partner to give you not just what you need, but what you want too. The problem seems to me to be that a lot of guys think that sex and sexual satisfaction, is the be all and end all, while we women what a lot of intimacy, even if it doesn't always lead to the bedroom.
If he loves and respects you, it shouldn't be too much to ask, and if you love and respect him, you won't demand it all the time. Its all about making the two of you the best you can be. TALK!!!!
2007-11-25 17:06:01 · answer #5 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well to begin with, I don't think many wives and husbands are on the same page in this area. But yes, I would talk to him about it. Ask him to do more of what you want but sometimes understand that he should be allowed to have it his way too. Compromise, compromise, eh? :)
2007-11-25 16:56:49 · answer #6 · answered by oremus_fratres 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just take control. Tell him gently what you want, That's the best way to get anything you want in life. Wriggle up or push his hands or whatever where you want them to go. Don't let him do as he pleases once he's motivated. Men are very goal oriented once turned on. Show him. Be uninhibited and show him.
2007-11-25 17:10:45 · answer #7 · answered by dunwerse 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want.
My suggestion is next time he is done in a certain area and you are not don't let him stop tell him to give you more. point blank stop talking about what you want and get it.
2007-11-25 16:55:10 · answer #8 · answered by My Three 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a guy that finally learned how to talk about and get certain pleasures with and for my wife. You just have to LEARN HOW to do and be in a relationship and I'd go here to learn more:
www.barbaradeangelis.com/
good luck
2007-11-25 16:59:19 · answer #9 · answered by jimrich 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to debate about every little detail. Take his hand and put it where you want it. Encourage all "good actions" and reciprocate. Life is simple.
2007-11-25 16:58:19 · answer #10 · answered by sofisintown 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋