very upset what to do help?

Question

ok! my husband is always busy working on the computer mostly works from home. goes to office for few hours. in the past year we have had sex 4 times and imean since last december up till now ! what does that mean ..everything is fine we have a 1 year old whom we adore and play with all the time. my husband does ignore me sometimes when i ask him something in general (something on news, something happend during the day) he will ignore or change topic or jsut wants to end the conversation asap. when i try to go close to him he always pushed me away. married for almost 4 yers i cant remember a time when he approached me and that hurts so much. i feel like i am not wanted.i lost all the baby weight look great ..very friendly always trying to stay positive but its so hard he doesnt understand how much i love him i guess. any suggestions .he is not cheating i know that coz he works from home ...sometimes i get the feeling he has someone else in his mind that he thinks about but i couldbewrng

Answer 1

Experts define a sexless marriage as one with sexual intercourse less than 10 times per year and your 60% below that!
How was your relationship prior to marriage? You say he isn't cheating, are you with him 24/7? Remember if 3 minutes is all it takes a slow drive to the supermarket could have implications!
Have you been specific in conversation with him about you concern? What was his reaction? Personally I'd love to switch places with him!
Have that frank discussion with him, if he doesn't react positively in your opinion you need to get someone else involved to determine why he lacks a sex drive.
(A man without a sex drive, who can grasp the idea?).

Answer 2

Do you know if he has someone online? This is just a consideration. These type of things sometimes happens when a person has someone online.

Since he is a guy .. and does not want intimate relations .. there is a reason why. This does not seem right for a guy.

I am sure it must be very humiliating when your husband pushes you away. This could easily destroy your self-esteem.

Has he ever been any other way sexually? Make the comparison .. it could be important.

I know you are probably heartbroken, confused, and disallusioned .. but you need to look at your choices.

One choice is to keep everything as it is now .. and do nothing.

Another choice .. is to get yourself determined to find out why he is the way he is. He is affecting your life in a big way, too.
If you decide to find out what is going on with him .. you will first have to get his total & sincere attention. Before you try to get his attention .. have a Plan B .. meaning - be ready to go to other lengths if necessary. Sit him down when you & he won't be disturbed .. and ask him why he pushes you away .. and why there is little-to-no sex in your marriage ... simply ask him every thing you want to know. You have the right to know. If he won't answer you .. or is resistant .. then you need to make up your mind what you intend to do about it.

You can stay with him .. and take it. You DON"T have to take it. There are other choices in life.

OR .. you can leave him.

Ask youself .. is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? With a husband that pushes you away as a woman?

You deserve to be treated better.

You need someone to resoond to you in talking .. and living life in general.

All your answers, you hold within yourself.

He probably thinks that he does not have to talk with you .. or have relations with you .. and that you will just take it .. every time.

He needs a surprise from you. He needs to give you answers. It is your right to know the answers. It is YOUR life which you are living with him.

Just know .. you do not have to take his treatment. There are other men who would treat you better .. and make you happy.

Answer 3

There could be any number of reasons for his lack of interest in sex. The best thing to do is sit down and tell him you are unhappy and why. Try not to be judgmental or accusatory, just focus on how you feel and that you would like to do something to change things.

If there has been a recent change in the amount of sexual contact you have then something triggered it. If it is just since the birth of a child that may have something to do with it. Sometimes men view their wife differently when they have a child, subconsciously feeling they should not approach them for sex...weird I know.
It could also be jealousy of the child if you spend a lot of time with it at his expense.
You say he works on the computer so maybe he is viewing pornography, or chatting at sexually explicit sites while he is working.
You know more about it than anyone here....you need to sort this out in conversations with your husband. If you see no change then you must decide if you can live with or not.

Answer 4

Have you asked him? Tell him that you feel unattractive because he never initiates. See what he says. Some men just get a complete loss in drive as they get older. Remember sex isn't equal to love. Your husband may love you intensely but just not be physically motivated. Maybe he feels unattractive, you never know. Just tell him you love him and would like it more. See what he says but if he doesn't "pick up the pace" don't worry. It doesn't mean he's thinking about anyone else. He may be depressed or it may just be the natural course of things. :) Try not to take it personally. I know it's difficult but rarely are two people on the same page sexually.

Answer 5

maybe he has low testosterone levels? perhaps he has some sort of hang up about sex (was he sexually abused in the past?).... or it could be something else, far from either reason.

have you thought of asking him to talk about your love life? let him know how you FEEL about the situation without pointing fingers.

i know this is a sensitive subject... perhaps you could talk to a therapist or minister for help and advice? or look to the internet for resources... you might do a yahoo search on MEN AND LOW SEX DRIVES, etc..

i sure hope this works out for you and your husband. i'm sure it is very frustrating for you, hon. take care, ok?

i wish you all the best

Answer 6

there's this saying that says, "the only person you have the power to change is YOU!" and i believe that it's so right. forget about him for a while. instead, use your energy to develop a positive attitude and work hard on improving yourself physically and mentally. by learning to love yourself, you will attract him to love you in return. but if he won't it's not your problem anymore. life is short, do things you want to do and can do without getting on his bad side. make him guess what you're up to and if you tickle his fancy then i'm sure he'll seek you out! but then again if he won't------ just keep on loving yourself and join other women who do just that.

Answer 7

Sounds to me like he maybe involved with someone else and is avoiding intimacy with you.....Just because he works from home doesn't mean he isn't cheating....not unless you have watched his every move on the computer....at any rate..you should suggest that you see a therapist or counselor.....he is hurting you....

Answer 8

Communication is key, second as noted only you can change you. you can't change him, but trying talking about it and if needed seek counseling together, if he will not go ask WHY!
Don't do what my x did and never take drastic action
Sometime a 2x4 is needed to get the attention or divorce word if he doesn't go to therapy with you.

Answer 9

you like so many others just need to learn HOW TO make a relationship work! I'd go here to get started learning:

www.barbaradeangelis.com/

http://www.google.com/search?q=relationships&sourceid=navclient-ff&ie=UTF-8&rls=GGGL,GGGL:2006-40,GGGL:en

Answer 10

pls keep him well. if u r working try to talk and hv gd dinner with him...gd luck