My boyfriend is going thru a huge change at work and now his ex-wife is taking him back to court and constantly calling with some dilemna which usually leads to arguing. After this happens, he usually calls me and asks me to come over. it usually ends up with sex but he's very quiet and really reserved. I'm trying not to take it personal and give him space and support but I guess I'm asking if men get quiet and moody when they have something weighing heavily on their minds. What do I do?
2007-11-25 16:01:35 · 15 answers · asked by Charleight 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Most men feel like showing their feelings is showing weakness. It seriously hinders communication in a relationship. You should let him know how you feel about his bottling emotions up. However, most men refuse to change and this is something that is all too often over-looked by women. You should address the issue, but accept it at the same time. He is who he is regardless of who you want him to be.
2007-11-25 16:11:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Most men think they have to keep it together & be the strong, tough person that holds everyone & everything together.
Like if they show any sign of weakness or emotion, it makes them less of a man.
To answer your question, yes, most of them do get quiet & moody & really don't want to talk about it.
Just let him know that he can talk to you if he wants to or needs or needs to. Don't force him into it, but make sure he knows the option is there. It might take a lil while, but eventually he will take it.
Give him some space when he needs it, a hug here & there & throw in a few back rubs... always works with my boyfriend.
2007-11-25 16:11:49 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a man and know many men (we talk), we are a pondering, klutzy thinking, analytical, methodical, worrisome, can you help me with this , but I'm afraid to ask, my mind hurts so bad from thinking about this, I think I will just shut down for awhile.
Just be supportive of him. It sounds like a lot of things going on. Keep your conversations simple, don't invoke anymore thought processing on him than necessary..........
Best wishes to you both.......
2007-11-25 16:19:28 · answer #3 · answered by ifixit54 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They're told to bottle things, over and over while they grow up. Good girls sit down quietly, and big boys don't cry. Boys are taught to be active, practical and unemotional. Girls are taught to be passive, nurturing and emotionally expressive.
How this in particular applies to your own boyfriend, I don't know - but a quiet, non-judgemental presence will help with anyone who is stressed. If you can manage to not get upset at his words, they're more likely to come. It sounds as if that's what you're doing.
2007-11-25 16:30:19 · answer #4 · answered by smtrodent 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guys just aren't like us...their brains are wired differently so they deal with conflict and problems differently. They are generally sequential problem solvers and don't constantly need to evaluate the emotional aspects.
They do have feelings of course, they just don't express them as easily. It is bothering him or he wouldn't be moody, so don't pressure him and do try to keep things as normal as possible. Take your cue from him, if he wants to talk he will bring it up, otherwise he may find it burdensome to explain how he feels when you ask. It is no reflection on you at all.
2007-11-25 16:11:23 · answer #5 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you do is be supportive when he calls you. We guys are brought up to keep our feelings bottled up and to "tough it out" when the going gets rough. That's too bad, because medical science has learned that is actually quite harmful - it leads to unrelieved stress that can cause serious physical harm...even lead to death. But because society expects us to "act like a man" and be the strong silent type, we keep it up to our own detriment. Most of us would rather suffer physically than admit we're vulnerable.
And a lot of us keep quiet in such a situation because to rant and rave would be just about as counter-productive as bottling it all up inside.
Again, if you really care about this guy, be there as best you can when he needs you. But watch out for your own interests, too.
2007-11-25 16:16:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The bottle it all up because they don't wanna look like sisssy's. Ya strange I know...but that's how it goes. You are totally right that they get moody. It takes time, but if they can really trust you and know that your reaction won't hurt their ego then eventually they will open up. A suggestion though....if he doesn't wanna talk then don't keep prying....that pisses them off. Just wait and in due time they will open up.
2007-11-25 16:08:26 · answer #7 · answered by ~Sara~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he's trying to distance you from the situation with his ex-wife. Any courteous man would try to do that. He doesn't want you to get involved in that or even hear about it. Giving him space is good. You need to understand that us men are just as complex as women. Unfortunately no more cavemen exist. I would enjoy carrying a big club...
2007-11-25 16:09:22 · answer #8 · answered by Baby Incinerator 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes they do, even if they don't always mean to.....
Men are typically pre-wired to be the kind of guys that don't like talking about everyday and emotional problems..
2007-11-25 16:23:35 · answer #9 · answered by jaysen_07 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are wired to keep their emotions in, rather than discuss them.
You can't force him to talk to you about it..
Just be supportive and show that you're there.
2007-11-25 16:13:03 · answer #10 · answered by darkening_hope 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋