when married how does a couple make a decision, I would like a puppy she doesn't.?

Question

we are married for 8yrs, every time we have a situation, we basically paper rock scissors it, or do what we want. But this is different, nit a night out, but a living thing. We have 3 children, 7,4,9mos. we own our home. I think the time is right. for 8yrs i've heard it's not the right time. Now i've seen a puppy at anti=cruelty that i really want, and she's against it. "we need to figure things out first" " How do we decide this, you want a dog, i dont. Who wins??? " How am i suppose to live my life when she always feels she's right, never wrong. and if she says no, it's no. AAANNNYYY HHHEEELLLPPP / advice is appreciated.

Answer 1

I know this is going to sound wrong but you should just go for it. Try to make it seem like a surprise for the whole family. Come on, they can't resist a new dog with the biggest red bow on it. Talk to her and tell her that you will take full responsibility for the dog and how much love it will bring in her life. Maybe you can relieve some stress by getting a doggie that has been potty trained if you can.

I know me and my husband disagrees quit often. I know that it's not fair for one person to call all the shots. So I give in a lot. Sounds like your wife needs to let go a little. I know that I put my foot down on some things and my husbands makes his own choice anyway. I love him and I get over it and in the end we are all happy.

Answer 2

Maybe she is feeling overwhelmed? With 3 kids things can be a little hectic at times. We have 4 children and 2 dogs and I stay at home. There are times that I want to throw my hands in the air because if it isn't the kids getting into something it is the dogs..lol. Talk to her and see if she is feeling overwhelmed or something along those lines. Maybe she is scared to take on more responsibility. Maybe she is thinking about if your family wants to go away for a few days then who would watch the dog...It could be hundreds of things. Sit down and talk it out. You can reason with her and help her through any of those issues or any of the other reasons she might have. Whatever you do , don't lose your cool because I know that when my husband and I are talking that if he starts getting angry then I will dig my heels in further. Usually my husband and I will find a really good middle ground. Good Luck!! and TALK TALK TALK

Answer 3

We have two dogs I didn't want. I'm older, I had two children, we had three cats I just adored, and I knew a dog would be a lot more work. I knew it would tie us down, and we wouldn't be able to do all the things we like to do because you're basically tied to their poop and pee. (sigh) I didn't want a house, either, for a lot of the same "tied down" reasons - there's always too much work to do on or around the house.

But, she makes the money, so I let her make the decisions. She was younger, she hadn't had children, she really wanted a dog and she swore she would do all the "in and out" stuff that I just don't do. Or, I didn't.

Of course, she's the one that makes the money, so she's the one that goes to work. So who does most of the work with the dog? You guessed it. Me. I'm good at it, too. But it sure messed up any plans I had for MY life.

I love the dog, I do - but yeah, I have some resentments.

The second dog? My brother breeds Bichons. His Bichon fell in love with a Jack Russell. He couldn't sell them, and was looking for homes for them. I thought his Bichon had an awesome personality, but I wasn't going to take a puppy - I had my hands full as it was. I'm a writer, and I am constantly being interrupted by the dog whenever I try to sit down to write or read or anything that isn't all about her.

Well, my brother isn't just my brother - he's very sick, he's dying. His dog is the center of his life. We've already lost another brother, had just recently buried him, in fact. I am pretty alienated from my family, and really felt that when we had to bury that brother. I wanted to work on my relationship with this brother while there was still time. But I hadn't planned on getting the puppy.

But my wife said to me, while we were visiting, while he was right there, "If you want to get one, you can."

What could I say? I couldn't say no. Especially if she was willing to pay the bill. He wasn't charging me, but by then, we knew what vet bills were.

So, she was brand new then. I was visiting my brother in Florida. We went back to Massachusetts, and I had to go back to Florida by myself to get her when she was ready to go. I brought her back on the plane, and we had her spayed and I house trained her. I had actually forgotten how much work that was! And she was a lot harder to train than the first dog, a shepherd/chow mix. I didn't sleep through the night for at least six months! And because this one was "my" dog, that was "my" job. I'm just glad I'm good at it.

I love those dogs, I do. But it wasn't my decision to get them, and I wouldn't recommend imposing that decision on anyone who didn't want a dog, especially the one who is probably going to be doing all the work. They ARE a LOT of work and an awful lot of responsibility, and if they aren't handled properly, it can end up a very sad story. Dogs are not toys. Your wife sounds like she has her hands full already.

Respect her feelings. If she ever changes her mind, she will let you know.

Answer 4

Sit down with your spouse and discuss the pros and cons of ownership of the dog. Responsibilities, and expectations. If one just brings a pet into a household without agreement on both parts, it could put undue stress and resentment in the relationship that need not be there. Find out her REAL reasons against having a dog. She just may have a valid reason that you are not seeing.

Answer 5

There are some things that I won't live without in my life. A dog, a cat, fish and a horse......I married someone who likes these things as much as I do. I would bring the puppy home and let her just deal with herself. Make sure she doesn't have to do anything with it....you take care of it and if she complains....tell her life is short, you want a dog and just because you are married it doesn't mean that she can control everything...she shares your life with you...she doesn't own you...you should be important to her....this is important to you...Animals are important in our lives....get the puppy.

Answer 6

Ask her why she does not want a dog. Is she afriad she will card for it? Bite the kids? Does not like dogs? I would be weary if a person never lets someone else decide anything. It's not fair. Please please though don't get a pup then take it back to the shelter. The poor thing dseserves a LOVING home. If you can't provide that, don't do it.

Answer 7

I would get a small breed dog from a pet shelter and bring it home and let her see it and play with it and maybe she'll decide she really does want one. I went and got a dog from a shelter because my husband wasn't sure he wanted one. He likes her but he's still not loving her as much as I do. If I said we were getting rid of her he would be happy lol. But he does care for her and he pets her and I am happy and the kids are happy. So just make sure you get an older dog that is small and docile and I'm sure your wife will grow to love it.

Answer 8

Was in the same position with my ex. I gave in ,but he agreed to be the one to walk and feed and take the dog to go to the bathroom due to the fact that I ran the house, the kids and the bills. He said agreed to it. WELL he didnt keep his promise and it was I who took care of it. I was very angry. Just another promise he broke, we are no longer together. Good luck.

Answer 9

tell her that you'll get the puppy as a trial and if she isnt ok with having a pet in 2 months, then you will find a new home for it.
chances are, she wouldnt want to take the puppy away from your kids who would have become attached, so hopefully once you live with the puppy, she will get over it.

good luck.

Answer 10

Getting a puppy when you have a 9 month old is a bad idea, anyway...