Why am I unsure about marriage?

Question

I'm a single mom of a 2 yr old and a 1 yr old. I've been dating a man for six months now and he is talking about marriage. He goes to church every Sunday and tells me how much he loves me and my kids and wants to be together. I should be walking on air that someone is willing to love a ready made family but I find myself going back and forth emotionally. I like the comfort of having him around and my girls respond wonderfully to having a father figure in their life on daily basis. I just don't feel the same passion and desire for this man as I did for my kids father.

I've accepted me and my ex will not be together so why am I holding back with this good man that is in my life now? I'm afraid if I let him go I may never meet any one else and end up alone. If I stay with him will I ever feel that deep love I have always thought I would have when I met the right person?

Answer 1

If you'll choose him it will be for comfort and security. I don't believe its a good reason. Don't rush into it, you might fall in love with him and if not - wait for the right man, a man that you will be in love with!

Answer 2

Six months is not enough time to decide to permanently attach yourself to someone through marriage or even living together. You could spend two or three years with a man before you are ready for marriage. All relationships go through stages, and you are still in the honeymoon period. Many people mistake other emotions for love at this time...best to wait until you have settled into a deeper relationship.

You may not have the same feelings for another man that you did for your husband...ever. All loves are different, some more intense than others. Obviously if the main reason you want to marry this new guy is the fear that you may never find anyone else, then you should forget about marriage to him at the moment.

Answer 3

Are you sure you're not afraid of having another serious relationship? I mean, you have been to the circus (so to speak) and you know what's involved with that type of relationship. You've handled things on your own, and that's great, and maybe you're not sure you want to give that up? I'm not so sure it's good to have your children growing close to a man after only six months---that sort of thing usually should happen when you are certain you want to commit to the man. And he is talking marriage after six months? Whoa Nelly, time to slow down a little bit! Maybe you're not fully healed either---you may be over your ex in an emotional sense, but that doesn't mean that you're over the pain and trust issues it has caused. Give it another six months with this guy and see where you stand. But slow it down a little bit, because it sounds like that's what you need. Good luck to you!

Answer 4

It's ONLY been 6 months. Take it from someone who has a problem with patience (I want what I want NOW). 6 months is too soon. You're right, how do you know if he's the one? Believe me, you don't want to realize 5 or 10 years down the line that this guy is soooo not your soul mate. If he loves you, like he says he does, he'll wait until you're ready. If he's not willing, he's not worth it. While you have to think of your children, you also have to think of yourself. If you're not happy, they will see right through your act. Be cognizant of the fact that children are extremely intuitive, even at an early age. They know more about what's going on than you do!

Answer 5

hmmm, i wonder about the relationship you had with your ex. there was passion and desire there, but what was it that was lacking? was he dependable? is he the father of both your children? why did you guys break up? anywho, you have this "good man" in your life who you feel comfortable, secure with and your girls love him too, but you're not feeling him. is it just that you're not feeling him or are you having some real misgivings about him? if a little voice is telling you not to get married then don't. you don't know how many women wished that they had listened to the little voice that told them not to do something. my sister told me that a little nagging voice told her not to marry her husband. his own mother told her to wait on God to find her a good husband. she had heard (after the fact) that he had been abusive to his ex girlfriend. anyway, long story short, she's been divorced from him for the past couple of years. he was terribly abusive to his family. anyway, i'm not saying that is going to be the case with you, but don't rush into anything. marriage should be a life long relationship and you should ponder over it very carefully. you said he's talking marriage, but obviously you aren't. you have got to examine and explore the reasons why you are reluctant to enter into marriage. and if he's talking about it but you aren't, you are definitely not on the same page. don't be afraid that if you let him go that no one else good will come along. don't feel that you'll wind up alone. if this man is for you, it will be. but take your time...everything will be alright. i wish you all the best

Answer 6

When you do decide to get married it should be for love because there are so many things to deal with in married life. If you don't have the feeling for this man, just be honest with him. It would not be fair to him either to marry and always be wondering if you did right or wrong. If he is as good as you say he deserves the best. There are so many women out there who would give their right arm for a good man who is good to them, not abusive and cruel. He should not be too hard to love. Maybe you are still holding on to that hope that your babies father will be in your life sometime later on, but that doesn't always happen. My sons father, who I was married to , and divorced, gave my son up to my second husband, who I love dearly now and always. It just about killed me at the time, but 34 years later, my son has grown into a good man and in hind sight it was probably the best thing that could have happened. We never know what is ahead for us in life. Follow your heart and be honest and your life will turn out right and your children will be taken care of and happy. Never look back, look forward. There are never any promises that life won't be hard, so you have to give it your best fight. Good Luck and My Best is sent your way.

Answer 7

Never stay with someone out of fear of being alone.

If you stay with him and your dream man comes along, you won't be able to be with them because you'll be in a loveless marriage.

This said, perhaps your views on relationships are muddled right now. Let this guy know that you're not ready for marriage, but that you do care about him. He sounds wonderful, and perhaps over time you'll come to feel a different kind of love than you ever had w/ your ex.

Answer 8

If you want to feel the same you felt with your kids father you're out of your mind... you're looking for the same kind of man... and obviously it wasn't a good one or you wouldn't be alone with 2 kids....
The best thing for you it's get over your ex first and then start a relationship... you cannot use people the way your doing it... it just says how immature you are.
You should be honest to this guy and stop wasting his time.

Answer 9

I have been in your situation- the two kids and all... But if you don't love him the same way it is just not worth it no matter how wonderful the man in your life is!

I ended up divorcing my wonderful man.. who by the was is still my best friend- But it is not worth doing what I did, and marrying this guy getting my kids all attached to them as their new dad- Just to have it end in divorce because you don't love him as much as you can love someone......

Trust me,.. my ex is everything i am looking for in a guy.... he is just not the right guy.

Know that the right guy is out there..... One that you will LOVE more than anything in this world and would DIE to marry him! You will meet him........

Answer 10

six months not all that long really. also you need to put the feelings of the past away.. everything you do now is forward.. date him a while longer.. even if you get engaged it don't mean you have to marry right away...dont settle for less then you want but also think is there more out there or not. give it more time and you will find your answer as time goes along.. good luck

Answer 11

Why are you and your ex not together? Passion can be iginited at any point- especially by someone like the man you're describing. Give yourself at least another six months before you think about marriage though, if it's real it can wait that long (and so will he).