I've known this guy about a month...lol...I know it's not long. He's told me several times that he knows we have to be careful b/c of the situation I just got out of.(I just divorced my cheating husband) The thing is...I'm over it. Our marriage was over a long time before the divorce was final. I know it seems sweet that he wants to be careful...but I don't really want my divorce to be something that holds us back. I've told him I understand what he means b/c I don't want either one of us to get hurt & he said he's glad we are thinking alike & on the same page. He says he's scared of getting married b/c he wouldn't want his wife to cheat on him or for it to end. I divorced b/c I pretty much had no choice...my husband basically kicked me out. I'm afraid that him being so cautious is going to affect us not getting closer. He wants to be fwb first & hopefully become more. I am the type to fall hard & fast. Btw, we've hooked up twice & w/no protection. (kinda nervous)
2007-11-25 14:28:36 · 14 answers · asked by love my life 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he wants to take it slow and be careful but he wants to be fwb? sounds like a case of why buy the cow if he can get the milk for free. i believe that you will fall hard for this guy and he will dump you. i do not like the sound of this. he wants to be fwb first, and hopefully become more? i don't think so. you get closer to him, like women do and then when he decides that he doesn't want more or something else comes along that tickles his fancy, he will leave you and you will feel like crap. what are you looking for in a relationship, casual, hit it and quit it, hard and fast sex? if you are looking for something real, cut off the benefits with this guy. if he really cares for you, he will love you benefit or no benefit. and you hooked up twice with no protection---are you truing to get pregnant in hopes that he will be roped into the relationship? that will run him away for sure. if you are going to continue to sleep with this guy at least protect yourself. if you feel yourself falling for him, knowing that he is not, that's right, not on the same page with you, you'd better find some way to protect yourself because you will be in for an emotional crash. something about this guy makes me nervous, and i think you should be nervous too, not just for the obvious reasons...i really do wish you the best
2007-11-25 14:45:08 · answer #1 · answered by thecatmama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's only trying to be smart about the whole ordeal.
You should definitely take it slow...but also, let him know that you're past the divorce and ready to move on. Maybe, he's afraid you'll want to jump back into a really serious relationship...and he may not be ready for that.
Just take your time with it. Let him know how you feel, and that you're not going to put alot of pressure on him...But also, find out what he's wanting and if he even wants to have a girlfriend.
It could be that he's trying to tell you in a round-about-way that he's not wanting a serious, commited relationship.
Investigate more into it, before you allow your heart into the matter.
2007-11-25 22:36:24 · answer #2 · answered by darkening_hope 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He just wants to be the first to welcome you to the singles scene. A friend with benefits situation is only that. The trouble is... it's hard to do those things with someone and not get attached... especially for women who are married or who have been married before because they are so used to having an actual relationship with the person they are sleeping with. This guy is a user. If you can't deal with the fwb scenario, then find someone else who can give you more emotionally.
2007-11-25 22:57:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is good that he wants to move slow with this relationship. You have only known this guy for a month. I would just take it nice and slow right now seeing as how you just came out of a relationship. You do not want to get pregnant right now. That would definitely end the relationship, By taking it slow, you could also enjoy dating again and enjoying life. The most important thing getting to know him and make sure he is the one for you.
2007-11-25 22:39:11 · answer #4 · answered by Nana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are both wrong. FWB isn't a good way to start a romantic relationship AT ALL. FWB is a good way to get easy sex, that's it. Falling hard and fast isn't either and so soon after your divorce is doubly bad. You need to stand on your own two feet for a while, figure out why you picked such a bad first husband and why you want to jump into a new relationship so fast.
2007-11-25 22:34:26 · answer #5 · answered by Jen70 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He has contradicted himself TWICE..no protection is a speedy way to STD'S or worse AIDS. Life can end really quick this way. He sounds like a selfish man. He wants you for sex only and everybody else he comes in contact with. I am recently divorced after 20 yrs and was separated for 2 so I understand it being over before it was official...but now it's time for you to get to know you without sexual interferances from guys. It's tough when you are used to compainionship but sleeping with someone on their terms only is a very empty feeling..don't do this to yourself. Tell him "slow" would be getting to know you and what you are about not..sleeping with you and giving empty promises and hopefully no future issues like diseases...be smart...BE ABOUT YOU now..
2007-11-25 22:41:38 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like he wants to remain FWB which I would not have. That " Im scared of getting married because my wife may cheat" crap is a cop out in my opinion. Usually FWB does NOT evolve into a happily ever after relationship. I would not continue to have unprotected sex with him, or sex at all for that matter until he tells you for sure what his intentions are. Don't settle, you deserve better.
2007-11-25 22:35:27 · answer #7 · answered by lwomar 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there is nothing wrong with taking it slow. both of you want to be sure this is it...i know the feeling..this is my third marriage and i tried to take it slow but it didn't happen that way and though i can say i am not in love with my current hubby, i do love him and to see him hurt would be absolutly the worst thing i could do to him...so i would take it slow..a month is a short time. also, both of my hubby's exs were bad for him...i know he had family problems with the first one...her family or so I was told...the second one was just a rotten person, who cheated on him and then took him to the bank..i know this personally..i bailed him out of jail when he went to pay her hot checks and they arrested him for it..so he has really had a couple of bad relationships and he really is an okay guy.
2007-11-25 22:50:20 · answer #8 · answered by myninny54 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you don't sound too bright for not useing protection!
This guy has to take time to figure out if he knows why your ex kicked you out! He deserves this!
Learn to use some reins on your feelings girl! We all fall hard, rather we say so or not, but..........you can control FAST!
2007-11-25 22:47:03 · answer #9 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Before you can maintain a meaningful relationship with a man, you need to take care of your emotional baggage that everyone else sees but you.
You need to start being honest with yourself.
Good luck.
2007-11-25 22:36:39 · answer #10 · answered by box of rain 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋