How to ask for the kink?

Question

I am posting this question in Marriage and Divorce because my boyfriend and I have been together for a long time - and before you ask, the reason we aren't married is because I want to finish law school first, and he is fine with this.

Here is my issue. Our sex life is great - I am satisfied with it, and he has expressed that he is, too. The thing is, that before I was with him (way back in the dark ages) I was a more sexually adventurous gal - but he is a more traditional lover. Not to mean that he's boring, because he isn't, but I crave a more 'depraved' kind of kink. His idea of a wild night is to bust out some kama sutra type stuff with me and get acrobatic, but I am more (historically) into more S&M (light) stuff, and some bondage/BDSM stuff, and I also really enjoy playing with toys. He and I have never done this kind of thing, and I am tentative on how to approach him with it, as we have been together so long, and he appears to be completely satisfied with our sex life.

I don't want to hurt his feelings, or have him think that I think sex with him is boring. It isn't. I just have a little more of a wild streak than he does. Can you see how this is sensitive?

Answer 1

tie him up and have your way with him, then ask him what he thought of that. ;)

the advice of having him tag along to an adult store is great too.

more often than not the partner is open to "suggestions" and just hadn't had the subject come up before and/or doesn't know how to approach it any better than you do.

give it a go, worse case is that he says no and you still continue on having great sex.

Answer 2

Well there are so many vanilla kinky things. Role play have him where his suite and you could be the Secretary. You could surprise him with some sm sexy clothes on you. Take him to a adult store and by the wireless remote control vibe beads that way he is in charge of that. Have sex in a parking garage during the day. It is cooler now you could wear a long coat with nothing on underneath or something sexy and flash him at work. Start off slow, teaching him what you like. Make certain things seem spontaneous to him kinda like it was his idea and tell him how much you liked it later and do again, again, again. That will led to other things but slowly. I usually preach honesty, but some things are to socking to spring on someone all at once. During this time you can judge if he is liking it and wants more. Don't be surprised if his timing is short at first as these things may overload him with excitement, be patient and reawaken him at that time for your pleasure, know what I mean? Sexual desire is important in a marriage. Take your time teaching him how to please you, but don't forget to make it pleasing to him also. Have fun.

Answer 3

Yes. I can't forget the best lover I ever had... and he did a little more naughty... than what I'm getting from my husband now. Where does a gal say she learned this stuff and how to introduce it without freaking him out? Maybe watch a movie that's just a little bit adventurous and then ask him, wanna try that? Maybe go into one of those sex shops with him and point at a few things, and say, you've always wanted to try something new. Or maybe just ask him his fantasies and then share yours...

Answer 4

Buy or rent several porno tapes with different kinds of action. Watch them with him and then ask him if he would like to try some of this. He obviously knows you were not a virgin before he met you but at some point you have to tell him about enough of your past to include things that you like to do. Try to make it his idea to get adventurous. Maybe take him with you to the shop and ask him to help you pick out some videos. Just make sure you get one that show the things you want to do. Happy Orgasms.

Answer 5

Rule #1 - Guys are not psychic, so you have to talk to him about it.

It could be that he is also interested in that sort of thing, but doesn't want to freak YOU out about suggesting it. I would start by adding more kink to what you do to him. Tie his arms to the headboard with silk or something non-threatening like that. Maybe blindfold him. Then rock his world.

There are things on my list that I'd like to do with my wife that we haven't gotten to. Some are kind of vanilla, some are not so 'light'.

Answer 6

Its not easy that's for sure. I am still trying to get my wife into it on the same level I am, but I don't think that will ever happen. She does try though, I joke with her about stuff, I do stuff to her I want her to do to me and of course my personal favorite is when in doubt answer the door in nothing but handcuffs. If you want to contact me, please feel free to do so...... I certainly know where you are coming from.

Answer 7

One night just try something new. Break out some handcuffs, and maybe a whip or something. Say you thought it might be fun to try something new. He should not get upset over that. He might actually be in to that but thinking he could offend you.

I would just not ask him about it, and instead do it. Just make sure you try something thta won't freak him out, lol.

Answer 8

Maybe you should start with inviting him to join you on a trip to an adult store.

If he is reluctant to that, you'll at least have an idea on how he will react to you wanting a little extra spice.

Good Luck!

Answer 9

You just need to be creatively direct. Men don't take hints. That's where the being creative comes in.

Honestly, your best bet is to start small and simple.

Good luck.

Answer 10

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