Social anxiety, I just don't understand why I've always had it... will it ever go away?

Question

I'm a 20 year old college male and I have had social anxiety all my life. I don't understand why, I mean I'm very attractive, dress nice, and have a future ahead of me, but I'm always very afraid of being in public. For example, I look out the peephole in my door to make sure no one is there when I walk out, I always eat in the cafeteria when it's empty, etc. One guy told me I looked like I was going to cry recently, which describes how nervous I look in public. It's also the reason I've never had a girlfriend and have made no friends ever in college, even though I joined a club. I've never been to a party or any real social event either as a result and just thinking about it makes me cringe. I just wish I wasn't so normal and uptight all the time and didn't think almost everyone I come across is judging me. I feel stuck and no one will ever get to know me better as a result. Now my family is very much against drugs to help, so what can I do if anything? Will I ever be normal? Thanks.

Answer 1

I have the same probelm, it started at 12 and now i am 17. I grew out of it a really little bit. I understand what you are going through, its truly frighting to be in crowded spaces. Eating in public is worst for me. I suggest not thinking about how horrible it is and focus on other things. Try reading self-help books (they really do help sometimes) or even try going to theipy, anxitey is not just a mind set, its a phyiscial problem. and even though your family is very against drugs to help. They might be your best bet and chance, plus you don't need to tell them, i think if they want you to live happy they will accept you as the person you are, and take care of your needs without being bias. Good luck, and i hope it works out,

Answer 2

I'm rather socially anxious myself -- I only "click" with a few people, and am not comfortable socially with the rest unless there's one of those few around I can hide behind (metaphorically, at least). I'm okay in a business/class setting, but if it turns social, I'm suddenly all mental elbows and knees and left feet. I got really depressed for a few years (largely due to outside influences) and even had trouble going out and getting the newspaper or mail, for fear of meeting the neighbors. So I have some inkling of what it feels like. It sounds like you've made a start, by eating in the cafeteria, even in off hours (you could be hiding in your room with a hot plate and microwave) and by joining a club (I hope it's for a subject you feel genuine interest in!) Good for you. One of the important things to realize is, YOU are judging yourself far more than anyone else is. What is it that you think you're falling short in? Why do you think others might look down on you? ... Now, what could you do to make these things better? You don't have to jump on everything at once.. that gets scary and discouraging. Break it down into smaller bits you can accomplish a little at a time. Overweight, perhaps? Try walking around campus for exercise (also a good way to get a bit more used to being around others -- rarely much conversation while walking, so little to be nervous about, but you do get some exposure). Feel boring? ... what are you interested in that you haven't tried? Try a class, even just an enrichment class, in the subject. Or go to a convention on the topic. Or a club (which you have, good!) Let yourself try new things that interest you. You get the idea, I hope. Once you feel better about yourself, it does get easier to face other people -- that little voice in the back of your head, telling you that you aren't good enough, that they'll look down on you or laugh, will have a lot less to say.

Answer 3

Hi,

I have been through something very similar with my mother. It's amazing how something
can tear apart your life like that. It hit her the hardest when I was getting ready
to move out of the house to my own apartment. She took pills for it, but they only got
her so far.

We tried several different things all ending in the same result. I'm not sure if there is
a way to completely get rid of it, but there are things that can help. I know that it
does run in the family. ONE of the things that helped her out a lot was a site we can across
online while searching for help. If you're interested follow the link below and best of luck
to you.

-Michael

Here is the site: http://www.anxiety-disorder1.blogspot.com

Answer 4

Sounds like a mood disorder that stems from lack of good ole seratonin in the brain...a mere chemical imbalance. I got sooo anxious, I ended finding myself sooo depressed, so I went to my doc. I tried a couple antidepressents until I found that Paxil works for me. I used to be the same way. At 5, my parents just figured I was shy. In my teens, they chalked it up as being moody and hormones. Well, I was in my early 40's and finally got the nerve to tell my doc. I used to stress out in restaurants, checkout lines, signing my name on a check in front of a teller, drive on the freeway, etc. I'd get heart palpitations, paranoid, thinkin' I was just gonna flip out....never did. It's just a feeling. We start over breathing, taking in too much oxygen, causing ourself to hyperventilate. Heck, going out to my retrieve my mail was an episode! You'd think I was a fugitive the way I'd gawk out the window first to make sure none of the neighbors were outside.,.ha. I can laugh now, but not so long ago....

Answer 5

Find a good psychiatric social worker--they are good at helping a person figure out how we got to the point we are--to where we want to be!! You must have gone through some horrific childhood--and/or you have a chemical imbalance that could be helped with medication!! I went through terrible anxiety all my life--was able to do a half-decent job--but finally found one of the above who referred me to a psychiatrist who Rx'd an anti-anxiety medication and it's really eavened out my life!! It's so much easier to do what I what to do and do a better job, too.----If you are an adult, you need to do what YOU NEED--NOT WHAT YOUR PARENTS WANT!!! You're the one who has to live your life--NOT YOUR PARENTS!! GOOD LUCK!!