My poem.. tell me if you like it and what I can do to make it better!?

Question

Love or Hate

It's a feeling I have tried
but can't explain
How can one person bring me so much joy
but leave me with pain?
My heart and my mind
can't seem to agree
Is it love or hate
is the question for me
They have brought me
pain, tears and sorrow
But they'll bring me love
and joy tomorrow
Hate is such a strong word
but love is blind
I try to understand the feelings
that run through my mind
When I see them
my heart skips a beat
I think it's love,
or is it deceit?
I try to piece together the puzzle
of my heart which you have rearragned
But how can I, when day to day
the pieces are changed
Somedays I love you but on others
what I feel for you is hate
Haters or lovers,
what is our fate?
I suppose all I can do is hope
and give it time
I can't even understand the
feelings that are mine
I'll try to answer the question
in time while I wait
For you, do I hate to love, or
love to hate?

I try writing poems with the typical rhyme scheme, but I have trouble. Could someone (maybe a poet) take a stanza and perhaps write it without using rhyme, but with the emotion and gist of my stanza. If you can do it with keeping the same words, that would rock! =]

I meant without the typical rhyme scheme.

Answer 1

oh my gosh its awesome!

Answer 2

I made a few changes to this which I like but you may not like them. I like what you are saying but this is how I would say it.

It's a feeling I have tried
to understand
How can one person bring me so much joy
but leave me with pain?
My heart and my mind
can't seem to agree
Is it love or hate
is the question for me
My emotions are mixed
They have brought me
pain, tears and sorrow now
But perhaps they will bring me love
and joy tomorrow
Hate is such a strong word
but love is blind
I try to understand the emotions
that run through my mind
When I see them
my heart skips a beat
I think it's love,
or is it deceit?
I try to piece together the puzzle
of my heart which you have rearranged
But how can I, when day to day
you move the pieces
Some days I love you but on others
what I feel for you is hate
Haters or lovers,
what is our fate?
I suppose all I can do is hope
and give it time
I can't even understand the
feelings that are mine
I'll try to answer the question
in time while I wait
upon the moves you make
Tell me please what you want from me
Whether the hate
for all the things you do to me
or the love I have to offer from my heart

Answer 3

I am assuming that you are a poet and really want a critical opinion about the strengths and weakness of the poem.

While the sense of internal conflict can be seen in the poem, I didn't feel it. Below are some suggestions to strengthen this piece. These are of course only my suggestions, in the end, it is you the poet, who must determine the content of your work.

You may do well to look for alternative way to express "Love,” "Joy", "Hate". These words really don't mean anything and are subjective. I had a professor that used to say, "Show me don't tell me.” That is my advice. Show the love and the hate and they joy, don't just talk about them.

Forget about the rhyming. I like rhyming, I think it is fun and challenging, but it usually weakens a poem.

You may also want to look at the meter of the lines and adjust them to create a rhythm.

Also, work with the line spacing of the stanzas, visually the poem looks like a block of text of the page and is tiring to the eye.

Answer 4

Good. Very Good Edit as per your request:

It's a feeling I have tried to but still can't explain.
How can one person bring me joy, one day
but yet leave me with pain on the next?
Between my heart and my mind, I can't seem to agree.
Which of these two; love or hate do I feel?

I liked your poem as it was. You could write another with the different scheme instead of trying to remake this one.
C. :)!!

Answer 5

i for my section like it. it truly is diverse, and also you'll obviously see your intentions of utilising words jointly with hoarse horse and highway-rode. it type of appears like you went out of your thanks to placed those words contained in the suitable stanzas, yet established its solid. is this for a classification or something? A reaction to at least something? both way it truly is an outstanding poem, a tad lengthy, nonetheless large.

Answer 6

Wo W I loved your poem' it was fantastic' and all your emotions were great ,your words' your stanza's great /This is the best heartfelt poem i have read in sometime..Thanks for sharing.

Answer 7

LOVE IT.
you got talent.
keep writing